Blood quickly started running out of my vagina, through my underwear, soaking my very awesome olive green skinny jeans and started oozing down my leg.
As I was standing in line to pay at H&M.
Mind you that I was not wearing a sweater or coat to cover my bottom or to wrap around in front of me, and my handbag is medium size and structured so also of no use for camouflage.
Also I had just inserted TWO super tampons just one hour earlier as my period started yesterday morning.
I’d also like to take this time to remind you that I had just started my period two weeks ago when I bled all over the dental exam chair while getting a root canal. And since I haven’t had my period in about four days, well it was really time for it to start again.
Which is why I was seriously saving for a Uterine Ablation or putting one on my daughter’s Christmas list.
“Dear Santa, I would very much like Saige the new American Girl Doll, Roller Blades, an iPod Touch, and of course a Uterine Ablation for my mom so she doesn’t bleed through clothing when we are out in public anymore. Love, Eloise”
Because when you have high deductible insurance you pray to Santa for all things to do with your uterus.
So while I’ve been saving up for a fun visit to the doctor to have my uterus scraped and lasered and stuff…a tooth fell out because a filling from 1975 went bad. And I ignored this hole in my mouth for about four months(did I mention we also don’t have dental insurance) until HOLY HELL A NERVE WAS EXPOSED and THE PAIN…OH THE PAIN!
So for the next three days I sat at the dentist getting a root canal and a crown and writing a check for $2600! Because how fun is that! I now have no pain, a new tooth and I fear my uterine ablation is now off Santa’s List.
Because as a mom(or parent) we don’t prioritize things like our lady parts when we need to spend money – we put off haircuts and doctor’s appointments, going to the dentist and buying ourselves Spring wardrobes while we make sure our kids are properly outfitted and signed up for soccer.
Mom Money Prioritization goes something like this….
1. Food for kids
2. Shelter for kids
3. Clothing and shoes for kids
4. Cat food and litter
5. School supplies and books for kids
6. Activities for kids – sports, dance, piano et al
7. Birthdays and holidays for kids including presents
8. Your kids friend’s birthday presents
9. Charitable contributions
10. Kids dental and doctor visits.
11. Braces for kids
12. Vet visit for cat
13. Cell phone bills
14. House repair needs
15. Vacation savings
16. Saving for college
17. One haircut per year
18. Razor refills to shave your legs
19. Dental appointments for you
20. Your uterus
So off I go to buy another box(or 20) of Super Tampons and wish someday the tampon makers would realize that they have a HUGE market to capture of perimenopausal women who need the Super Deluxe Paper Towel Roll Size Extra Absorbent Tampons so they don’t have to worry about leaking out in front of their children. Or the cashier at H&M. Or their dentist. Or on the car seat. Or ever.
Do you prioritize money differently now that you are a parent?