Do-Over

Astrid finished up her first year of preschool. Going to school for five hours each week must’ve been exhausting for her. I know I got so much done each Tuesday and Thursday morning. Most the time I just ran exciting errands and each time I arrived anywhere I turned to the back of the van to see her…and she wasn’t there. Most of the time after my errand, I would also pull away from the curb and turn in a panic realizing that I forgot her in the store or something..because she is always there.

 

Except now on Tuesday and Thursday mornings from 9:00 to 11:30am.  You would think I’d get used to that feeling by May, but no. I still am searching for her when she’s gone.

But don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed a few Starbucks mornings without her.

 

Neither of us made any friends this year. I told myself in September “Self, make an effort to make some mom friends. Go forth and have coffee and go shopping or have important business meetings with your new friends! Introduce yourself! Find common interests! Organize play-dates!”

 

I used to have a group of mom friends – some from ECFE from when Eloise was just six weeks old, some from her first entry into preschool, and some from her kindergarten year.  But we all grew apart as kids entered different grade schools, many started work again, and life just got busy and little effort was made to stay in touch. I love living in the city – but will admit that a big downside is the crazy number of elementary schools that we have. Not one person on our block goes to the same school.

This was my do-over.

 

And I failed.

 

Oh I think I tried – I introduced myself those first few weeks, but nothing clicked. Most of these sweet moms were putting the oldest child in preschool – and had toddlers still holding their hands and many had new babies. Play-dates that were mentioned included moms and babies, and frankly my house is no longer baby-proof. I also hadn’t coordinated a non-drop-off play-date in nearly five years.

 

Maybe I was over it? Maybe that was my old life with Eloise and Esther. Maybe I just didn’t want to do that? Maybe I’m cheating my youngest, but she seems happy.

 

So I made nice and continued casual smalltalk through the school year and watched these women create friendships with each other. They both had three year olds and maybe two year olds or one year olds or babies. They were going through the same stages and ages and they found friendships.

 

I’m glad for them.

 

And hope Astrid doesn’t mind that she won’t go on a play-date until she’s old enough to be dropped off.

In the meantime, she has the best playmates in the history of all the world – two big sisters who thinks she’s the best thing ever to come into their lives. For Sure Friends Forever. And honestly since Astrid knows the lyrics to ’22′ by Taylor Swift but has no clue how to sing ‘Mary Has A Little Lamb’ (or was it ‘had’??) – perhaps hanging out with 10 year olds is probably best all around.

 

I just hope they let me play with them.

 

Do you have a hard time making mom-friends?

About Tracy


My name is Tracy Morrison and I live in sunny Minnesota. I'm neither British nor a nun - I'm just a Midwesterner with a headache. This is mainly a humor and lifestyle blog that documents the lighter side of parenting. I am an ex-corporate ladder climber turned freelance writer, social media manager, and fashion expert - and ruler of my own little universe(very small). Aren't we all. I would love for you to contact me at tracy@sellabitmum.com

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  1. says

    I have ONE mom friend, and we’ve been friends since our first boys were born, like 3 1/2 years ago. I have made no other friends since. Sigh.

    I have you, you have me, let’s go make a family. Or something like that. xoxo
    Alison recently posted..Sounds

  2. says

    You children have beautiful names. Astrid is adorable.

    I relate to this even though i’m a dude and thus a dad of 3 girls. For 3 years with my oldest daughter, Taylor aka Tay’s cheerleading, I’ve only clicked with the moms, but no dads. Not one. Same with my middle, Lyla’s judo – no dad friends.

    Dads are less in involved with their daughters extracurriculars – school and recreation, for the most part. I never feel like one of the guys, always the guy with a bunch of women.
    Lance recently posted..Up In The Sky

  3. says

    I so don’t make mom friends easily. My kids are the same ages as many of theirs, but I am a good 10 years older than some. It’s hard for me to relate. I also work full-time during the school year, so if I make any friends in the summer, most don’t relate to my life either. Plus I am an introvert. Sigh. I have all the things working against me.

    Astrid is a beautiful little daily companion. I can see why you would miss her so much!
    Katie Sluiter recently posted..Project 365 {week 21}

    • Sabine says

      Hey Tracy…I can relate! I only have one mom friend from all the years Serena has been in school! Like you said..they are either younger or have other smaller children…plus most of them are Mennonite..which I am not…and that makes it very hard to “enter the circle”. The best friensI have, I have known for like 25 years. You and I should live closer….our girls could play and we could talk clothes, craft and plan birthday parties!

  4. says

    I’m awful at making new mom friends . The 2 friends I have made approached me. The other friends I have are people that I’ve known for years.

  5. Amanda M. says

    I didn’t have trouble making mom friends, BUT – that’s because I made all of them while volunteering at M’s school. We all live in the same subdivision, go to the same grocery stores, Target, pool, etc.. It’s easier when geographically you’re kind of together a lot. I love all my mom friends so much and am glad it worked that way, but I also know we have a lot of factors that make it super easy to maintain friendships. :)

  6. says

    It’s really hard making mom friends. With my oldest, I had a big mommy’s group and some good friends from there and then met some great people from his preschool. But with my youngest? I do often feel like I’m cheating him. I definitely don’t make as much of an effort – it’s just a quick drop off rather than lingering around to make the small talk. He’s had maybe 3 playdates this year which I finally made for him in May because I felt guilty that I hadn’t coordinated any for him all year. I do take solace in the fact that he has his older brother who he loves more than anything and loves playing with him. And next year is a chance to try again.
    Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..Always expecting great

  7. says

    Oh boy, I can relate to this on so many levels. The cliqueyness at preschool was like reentering highschool for me. Blah…
    As far as running errands without my girls, I have to make a conscious effort not to say “OK, lets go girls” when I’m leaving the check-out line. LOL. I’m pretty sure I’ve said it when I was alone before :)

  8. says

    I think it’s a stage of life thing. All of the friends I have, I met when my oldest were babies and I was immersed in the play date, at home thing. I have met a lot of moms with oldest kids Nate’s age, and as you’ve found, we don’t click. They are worried about how to mesh a toddler with a new baby’s nap schedule and I’m hauling four kids to hockey at 8:00 p.m.
    anymommy recently posted..A friend in me

  9. says

    I find it hard to make mom friends. I’m lucky that my college friends had kids at the same time I did.

    Can I be your friend who is a mom who blogs? ;)

  10. says

    I have a horrible time making mom friends. I was 42 years old when I had my triplets and 45 years old when I had my last baby (now 4). I am lost without a home, sort of, because moms with young kids are young enough to be my daughters, and women my age are now empty nesters and off doing things and going places without kids in their arms. It is a very lonely place to be.
    Debbie McCormick recently posted..How hard is it to remember the tooth?

  11. says

    most of my mom friends have kids the same ages as my boys….and Brooke just hangs with the big kids…
    and you’re a good mom…I love my freedom when all the kids are gone, I never look in the back and long for one of them…

    Way to make me feel like crap
    Not a Perfect Mom recently posted..The Ass Ache

  12. says

    I SO relate to this. I have a hard time making friends just because we have kids in common. I need something else, like blogging, running, etc.

    All last year (my big girls’ first year in MDO) I would pass the pre-k moms huddled in their groups, chatting after drop of or while letting their kids run around after pick up. They all seemed like such good friends (most of them went to church there as well). This year it was MY girls’ classmates who were out running around after school, and THEIR moms standing in little circles talking, but I have such a hard time working my way into a circle without feeling like I’m butting in or “trying” to fit in. So I let my girls play outside while I hung back. I joined a few conversations, but I’m so awkward.

    Now my blogging friends…I’ll hang with them any day.

  13. says

    Yes! I struggle with this as well. I’m not sure why. I always feel awkward around the other moms at our elementary school. And they all act like they’ve known each other forever (maybe they have). I think part of it is that I feel like a bit of an outsider because I work and so many of the moms at our school don’t work and seem to spend all of their waking hours at school volunteering.
    Katie E recently posted..Monday Listicles: 10 Photo Memories for Memorial Day

  14. says

    I so relate to this. As an older mum, I find most of the mums my age have kids that are older, so they have already made their friendships at the school and are a bit cliquey. And their kids have known each other for years already, so they are not that interested in someone new entering their group either. The other mums, the ones who have toddlers the same age as my boy, are much younger than me, and tend to work outside the home, which means I see their grandparents more than them and they don’t feel comfortable arranging play dates. So my son hasn’t really got any play dates. I take him to independent play groups though so he gets to play with other kids till he’s old enough to start nursery next year.
    Carin recently posted..Sketching childhood: Kirby’s push along cat

  15. says

    I have a couple of mom friends with whom I get together pretty regularly. They are friends that I made through my oldest, though, who happen to have a younger child around the same age as my youngest. I haven’t made any new friends in a while – I am pretty shy when it comes to meeting new people and arranging play dates with them.
    Kim@Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..Why I Am Smiling

  16. Beth Culverhouse says

    I am at a different place in my life, but I can relate to this issue. My kids are grown, and I have 2 grandchildren. When my children were small, I had lots of mom friends. We met for coffee, impromptu dinners, walks, etc. But those friendships dwindled as our children got older. Now I found it hard to find a “group”. It seems that everyone already has their “group”. I am an introvert, also, which doesn’t help the problem.

  17. says

    I joined the Mom’s Club when I moved here but I HAD to. This EXTROVERT had to find friends STAT. Since then I have made several friends through the club (which has since dissolved), school and our neighborhood.

    But, I’m definitely out of the “play date” phase and pretty glad for it!

    Astrid is just PRECIOUS.
    Elaine A. recently posted..Just Keep Swimming

  18. says

    I used to fret about making mom friends but I’ve come to realize it’s just like dating – it has to happen naturally. If there’s a spark, then the friendship will evolve. If not, it won’t and no harm done. Lil’ Bit has been with the same core group of friends at her daycare since she was four months old and in that time I’ve become friends with two of the moms. It’s hard to schedule play dates with everyone’s busy schedules, but we keep in touch via FB, chat during afternoon pick-ups and, when the stars align, manage to get together for an afternoon at the park with our kids. And that’s good enough for me. :)
    Kristin @ What She Said recently posted..Friday Tapas: The One With the Olive Branch

  19. says

    Bring her here for a playdate! I would even let you stay for a cup of coffee. ;)

    Seriously though, who wouldn’t want to be friends with you!?!?!?! I know what you’re saying though . . . it’s about time and effort, which often seems impossible to muster doesn’t it?
    Nina recently posted..My Writing Process These Days

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