So I already mentioned that Eloise got braces and an expander last week.
I’m now officially nominating her for “Tween in a dramatic role” for the next Academy Awards.
(Eloise’s new school shoes)
Today, on day seven of ‘The Expander Era” (because I have a feeling that this era will feel slightly longer than the Mesozoic Era) she looked up at me while picking at her chicken that I personally cut into pieces smaller than could be seen by the human eye and said “Mother you just have no compassion for me!”
Compassion.
Followed by “I will never chew again. How will I ever live!”
Which was quickly followed by “May I please just please have ice cream for dinner again as I just.cannot.chew ever again, Ever!”(Raises eyes and hands to heaven as if ice cream may fall from sky…)
To which I responded with “I can blend your chicken, rice, peas and bread all together and you can suck it through a straw if you cannot chew! No more ice cream for you! The pity party ice cream offerings ended on day three. $5 smoothies from Jamba Juice ended on day four. DQ shakes DONE on day five. Pudding kaput day six! This is day seven and we have a new world order here and you will learn to chew again!” (I stand and silently fist pump the air…)
Eloise’s rests her head on the table and whispers “Compassion Mother. Just a bit of compassion. I need you…”
“No, my dear daughter, you need to learn to chew again. You CAN chew. You KNOW HOW to chew and chew you will. You will CHEW like you’ve never chewed before.” (I hold her shoulders and look into her eyes just asking for some courage to chew…)
Eloise bows her head in defeat. Silence. Then a whispered response..”If I eat four chicken bites may I then have ice cream?”
*****
It’s a wonder that I haven’t asked for a new Louis Vuitton handbag. I mean I’m the one who wrote the check for these AND I’m the one who has to put on her reading glasses every evening to expand the damn thing. Why is it always about them. (Helps self to ice cream after kids go to bed…)
See, this is why I never had my teeth fixed because NO ONE would have cut my chicken up into barely bite-sized pieces.
Alison recently posted..Confessions
My mom used to have nightmares about dropping the key down my throat and me choking to death. I think it was as traumatic for her as it was for me.
But I don’t ever remember being fed ice cream for days on end. I’m pretty sure I was chewing on day one.
Jenny F recently posted..Best Day Ever
Wow, no compassion? Sounds like she got a pretty good deal with the treats lasting for six days…
Can I have some ice cream? I chewed all my dinner.
christine recently posted..Scenes From New York
PS. She’ll win the Oscar for sure!
christine recently posted..Scenes From New York
Now won’t you feel guilty, if the the next time she’s at the orthodontist, he says “No wonder she can’t chew, this pin is loose!”?
m.
Mark recently posted..Hello, Kitty!
i don’t think that it is fair to make an angel eat worldly food when heavenly food is is so close. aah, those shoes are soooooooo tracy—perhaps a bit of tracy mood is coming your way—-i love you
What?! You stopped the ice cream for dinner? You are horrible. Just horrible.
(Kidding. I believe this is a bad case of tween drama)
Jen recently posted..Coming Home
Oh dear lord. I feel for you, my friend.
With each one of my trembling fingers that likewise inserted a key into the apparatus affixed to my daughters mouth and turned…
…cranking that sucker wider and wider every day. For what DID feel like the Mesozoic era.
I used to fall to my knees and give thanks to the Gods of Valium that it was Karly and not Jack who needed the expander.
If it had been Jack, we would have all died of compassion years ago.
Like the dinosaurs.
Poor things.
julie gardner recently posted..Today call me chaotic…
SHE WILL LEARN. You know Casey got hers put in two weeks ago and she is heating herself up pizza at this very moment to have for lunch. Be strong and don’t give in!
You 100% deserve that LV bag. PRONTO. I don’t know if you can wait for Santa to deliver it after all the drama
That said I have never had braces so I can’t speak to the terrible things that poor Eloise is going through.
Marta recently posted..That Lil Bit of Prejudice
I had braces twice, but never an expander, so I can’t relate exactly to what Eloise is going through. Hopefully it will get easier (for both of you) soon!
Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..Time’s Passenger
Hilarious post, Tracy!
Oh the agony of braces and a dramatic child. I just had mine last year and my parents are so lucky I didn’t have them as a child. I was drama all day long… which is probably why I never got them.
Jessica recently posted..Yellow
I feel a little mean because Havalah ate normal food on day 2. However she eats noodles for dinner more nights than not and has ice cream as a bed time snack most nights. Her biggest issue with the expander was the excess saliva in the beginning – and my biggest problem was the disgusting noses she made both with the excess saliva and trying get food out that was stuck above the expander. I wanted to just be sympathetic and ignore it but it made me want to throw up. We just got rid of the expander 2 weeks ago but she still has partial braces on top and bottom AND head gear that we have to put on every night. Miriella’s teeth still look perfect and I am so hopeful they will continue to be.
Never mind the braces and expander – in 10 years they’ll be a distant memory as she smugly enjoys her straight lovely teeth and beautiful smile – but you just know any picture of her wearing those purple Converses are going to be buried!!
hopefully she is doing better and each day it will get better. Ok Kristen has scared me with the head band thing! Love the HIGH tops! Sure wish I would have saved your pink ones!