Dear Parents who evidently still wipe their 12 year old’s asses,
We need to change our Easter Egg Hunt rules due to unforeseen issues with parents during our egg hunt intended FOR CHILDREN last year.
If you feel, AS A PARENT AND ADULT, that you cannot follow these rules then we kindly ask you to either withdraw your child from the hunt or perhaps find your child a more suitable parent who will LET THE CHILD HUNT FOR THEIR OWN EGGS. We will be glad to find a suitable parental replacement for your child.
The new Egg Hunt rules starting with the 2012 official hunt are:
1. THE HUNT IS FOR CHILDREN ONLY – only human beings under the age of 10 will be allowed to take part of hunting for plastic eggs filled with candy – BECAUSE THEY ARE CHILDREN and this is fun for them.
2. There will be taped off areas to divide age groups appropriately – ages 2-3, 4-5, 6-7, and 8-10. THERE WILL NOT BE AN ADULT AGE GROUP AND NO, YOU DO NOT LOOK 10 BECAUSE YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A BEARD.
3. Parents are not allowed in the hunt area. If you are found in the grassy area you will be removed from the hunt and a suitable parental replacement will immediately be found for your child. If you are well-behaved your child will be returned to you by Halloween. BUT YOU STILL DO NOT GET THEIR CANDY.
4. Parents are not allowed to touch the eggs until your child has finished the hunt and has approached you off of the grassy area. If you are found at anytime picking up an egg off the ground to give to your child you must then go pick up an egg for ALL other children in your child’s age group and give those children eggs too. (A suitable parental replacement will also be found.)
5. If you child(Susie) does not get as many eggs as another child (Mary) you will say “Great job, Susie! You got a fabulous blue egg and HAD SO MUCH FUN!” …and then maybe even turn to Mary and ask if she had a good time also. Egg Hunting is not a competitive sport nor is it a paid activity and guess what – OUR EGG HUNT FOR YOU IS ACTUALLY FREE.
6. If the parent cannot stay off the egg hunt grassy area then MAYBE DON’T COME TO OUR EGG HUNT. Have your own egg hunt in your backyard so your child can get ALL OF THE EGGS and be QUEEN OF ALL EGG HUNTS and you can hoist her over your shoulders and proclaim that she conquered the damn Easter Bunny and take cute pictures of her to post of Facebook and tell all of your friends how flipping awesome your egg hunter is because THAT is the Easter spirit.
Then just go ahead and wipe her butt and do her homework and clear her plate from the table and make her bed and go on her first date with her and maybe share a room at college and don’t forget to put that “take your parent to work day” on your calendar for 2032. I know I’m pretty excited about it, but I know that you might be busy catching the baby coming out of your daughter’s vagina as you push her husband out of the way because YOU ARE THE PARENT AND NO WAY CAN SHE DO THIS ON HER OWN.
BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T LET HER PICK-UP HER OWN EGGS.
Thank you for your time,
Kisses,
The Easter Bunny
*****
Pouring my heart out against helicopter parents for Shell this week.
A-MEN!!!
We went to a St. Patrick’s Day parade where all the parents were pushing toddlers out of the way so they could grab all the candy for their children. After an adult pulled a cookie out of my son’s (3 yo) hand, he looked at me and said, “This isn’t fun anymore. Can we leave?”.
Also, the egg hoarding happens at our community hunt too.
I think I am going to post your rules everywhere!
Alissa recently posted..A Rant About Judgy McJudgerson
Oy. That is sad. I think we’ll have our egg hunt at home this year. lol
Hear, hear!
christine recently posted..I Really Need to Acquire the Taste for Wine
OMG I love you so much right now.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..He Lifts Me Up
If you really loved me, you would take my sister-wife offer more seriously.
you don’t mind if I make copies of this and post them ALL OVER TOWN and pass them out at the Easter parade do you?
Robbie recently posted..I’m BAAAAAACK
I think that is a brilliant idea!
Bwahhahaha. Sad, but they probably don’t know you are talking to them.
Shannon@fourfindinghome recently posted..Party Planning
I think I need a trip to Colorado!
I read an article over the weekend about an egg hunt being cancelled in Colorado because too many parents were “participating”. Those parents need to get a life.
Yep, that is what this is about. Crazy crazy crazy.
Ryan and I actually saw that story on the news the other night, and he made me rewind because he didn’t believe me when I summarized for him. Then he shook his head, rather sadly, and I thereby complained we are building a bubble. Not for our kids but for ourselves because helicopter parents are scary.
Your rules should be posted at egg hunts around the country!
I think I need to make some official signs!
I don’t do this I promise, but we do practice a lot a home.
JDaniel4′s Mom recently posted..Seven Things We Do To Ease JDaniel’s Allergy Suffering
I so agree…I am on a bandwagon and soap box about helicopter parents lately. I really wonder what kind of world we are headed to when I see (and know) parents who still fork/spoon feed their kindergarteners, go into bathroom stalls with 4th graders to make sure they wipe properly, and have a constant commentary from the time their son gets to the field, through every pitch, run, and catch telling them what to do at every minute. It bugs the hell out of me….we are headed to a society of people who can do NOTHING for themselves! Scary…..
I love you. That is all.
I’ve never been to a community egg hunt but I’d like to just to read these rules.
wow. this is fascianting. i was actually sad for my kids that we had other plans and they were going to miss our town’s egg hunt, but now i’m feeling like maybe that was the best planning ever by me!
Anna recently posted..Life imitating blog
Would it be rude to print these off on business cards and hand them out at our neighborhood egg hunt? Because I’m seriously considering it. Great list!
Delilah recently posted..Things that Pin…terest Me
I would love that!!
This makes me madder than a hornet! Like when Moms walk up with their teenage kids to get candy at Halloween. Do you still spoon feed the kid too?!?!? Geez, just go to the store a buy a damn bag of candy!!!
Elaine recently posted..No running for now, right? Right.
I know. Their kids wear bibs after the age of two also.
I just love you.
Kate recently posted..Three Years With My Heart Outside My Body
We need a date.
The White House easter egg hunt is by lottery only now. We got in a few years ago but not since. It’s refreshing in that the parents are there more to catch a glimpse of the president, first lady, or their daughters. We don’t have time to help our toddlers in the egg relay race or take pictures with an oversized (actually really creepy) Easter bunny. Yes, that is my child about to tumble down the hill, but look, there’s Bo!
Arnebya recently posted..BlogHer Syndication
OMG I love this. Especially who this is addressed to – the parents who still wipe their 12-year old’s asses. xoxo
Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..Post-Op
I loved this entire post, but the best part (in my humble opinion) is the exchange regarding Susie and Mary.
And I’m not even kidding (which I know is confusing because I usually am).
I think we’re raising a generation of kids who CANNOT handle disappointment. Or be happy for someone else’s victory.
It’s not about DID YOU WIN it’s about DID YOU HAVE FUN!
Sheesh.
Now, I’ve gotta go wipe Karly’s butt.
(Not really. I’m going to yell at her to clean up her room. Duh.)
julie gardner recently posted..Today call me wondering
You are giving this to your SIL who still needs help on the airplane with her 3 kids, right?
Oh, this cracks me up!!!
I’ll never forget my oldest’s first egg hunt. He was only 16 months old and I was hugely pregnant. There was a time for just the toddlers to go and I let him have fun, examining eggs and going at his own pace. While other parents were snatching eggs up and stuffing their kids’ baskets full.
When it was all over, we went through my son’s eggs to find that he had the “grand prize” slip in one of his and he walked away with an Easter Basket bigger than he was. Oh, how I cracked up!!!
Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: It’s Not All Doom and Gloom
KARMA oh sweet karma.
So, my thinking “can I head to the bar after I drop the kids off at an egg hunt” would actually fit right in. Good
We actually have a great big egg hunt for the family. Rather than taping off sections, the force kids to only pick up the properly colored eggs (and, if the 1-3 age group picks up any egg, they’re widely praised).
I’ll never, ever understand the competitive parents. Ever.
John recently posted..Where I sit back and let the crazy fly
You know, I have never done/been to an Easter egg hunt. I just buy candy at the store and give it to the kids. That is the point after all, right?
Jen recently posted..Pajanimals and SproutTV Give Helpful Tips to making Bedtime Easier
This is perfect! Helicopter parents…ugh!
Tiffany recently posted..Not What I Thought
the egg hunt I organize for our friends is simple…every kid can find a dozen…and if you have more eggs in your basket this bitch will take them out and give them to the kid with less…
Not a Perfect Mom recently posted..A Bright Idea
You are officially invited to my house for Easter brunch. You even don’t have to bring a dish, just that attitude. What kind of bagels do you like?
Ali recently posted..WTF Wednesday – The "Good Self Esteem or Totally Delusional" Edition
I like your rules. When we’ve done a hunt for the neighborhood we have a # of eggs rule also. I’ve been known to enforce it quite strongly.
Laughing so hard at #6. QUEEN OF ALL EGG HUNTS!
We’re actually going to an Easter egg hunt on Saturday. I promise to abide by your rules, as you are the QUEEN OF ALL SNARK.
Also? You just made this week’s tapas. I know you feel all tingly now.
Kristin @ What She Said recently posted..Letting Go of Working Mom Guilt
I get tingly every time you visit my blog..you know because you have nice boobs and all.
Confession: I Am An Egg Hunt Embarrassment. I am that parent. It’s a huge joke among my family and I can hardly watch. My kids get trampled and end up crying while the big kids steal all the eggs. I find myself coaching. It horrible. Now I’m stressed out and Easter isn’t even for two weeks!
Ali recently posted..WTF Wednesday – The "Good Self Esteem or Totally Delusional" Edition
Me thinks you just need to have your own hunt lol So funny.
WOW. Goose just turned 3, so our experience is limited so far to egg hunts in my parents’ back yard & FIL’s back yard… in which she’s had older cousins helping her find her eggs… which were color coded for each kid. My parents’ church is having an egg hunt next weekend in the afternoon, I was planning to take her, now I’m second-guessing if I want to – sounds a bit scary
Rusti recently posted..re-do? please??
Oh, this is hilarious! Note to self: let child hunt own eggs. I think sometimes, I admit, I can be a helicopter mom…
Adrienne recently posted..Always
Oh this is hilarious, I’m amazed at the parents who cannot stay out of anything. We start soccer next week and I’m already dreading The Mom who gets in the middle of every game and pretty much plays so that her son can score (they are 3!).
Jessica recently posted..The Luxurious Life of a Work At Home Mom
I thought we just waited until the squirrels dragged the eggs into our yard….(Worked last year!)
This time I need to make sure I don’t enclose any money. Damn squirrels.
Yet another post that is so freaking funny I have to go tweet it immediately. Seriously. I love it so much I’m having trouble picking a favorite part. Maybe about having your own hunt so she can be queen of all egg hunts. Ah… I see these parents every year. What if I print out this column and pass it out? Too much?
Jessica@Team Rasler recently posted..A moment in boyhood
Not too much at all. Please bulk mail to all parents!
We do the egg hunt every year and my kids have helicopter grandparents
Mirjam recently posted..I am me
LOL we may have a few of those also.
This is a great list! I never understood why parents are so crazy about making sure their kids get the most eggs. If you want them to have candy that bad, go buy a couple of bags, and let the egg hunt just be for fun. Sheesh.
Tracie recently posted..Mind Painting
Exactly – just hunt eggs in your own backyard and GET THEM ALL!
AMEN, AMEN, AMEN ….dear God, who are these people? what about letting your children just enjoy the hunt, the game, the victory of coming over to you with their eggs?
I will never understand how our kids are suppossed to grow up to be self sufficient if we do it all for them. I’m way to fing lazy for that.
Kir recently posted..WOE:Gathering Buttercups: Reason To Rescue
LOL – I’d like to play the lazy card also.
Might be the funniest shizz-nit I’ve ever read. Now I must go read the back story to this.
Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..Censorship – A Contest Entry
I’m just wondering where my “suitable parental replacement” is.
MommaKiss recently posted..Turn that frown updside down, bitch
I know – I Tuesday I was searching for mine.
It’s really bad when you see them sneaking eggs out of their sleeves, ones they brought from home as backup JUST IN CASE Susie didn’t get more than every other kid. VICTORY SHALL BE YOURS, SUSIE!
Oh. So. Funny.
Whaa.. you lookin at me? You talkin to me?
Lady Jennie recently posted..Le Spectacle
Okay so I think I am somewhere in the middle.. As my daughter is only 2 I did walk beside and emphasize that we we’re look for eggs… But she had to pick them… That’s not so bad right?? (I really don’t want to be one of those parents…
I love this! We lost our daughter (four at the time) for 5 minutes last year because parents wouldn’t follow the rules and wait behind the line! It scared the crap out of me! Silly me…listening to the egg hunt organizers who said the hunting was just for kids…imagine that?
Practical Parenting recently posted..Project Happy: The Chocolate Edition
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