He held my hand a little tighter on Saturday, and maybe found his hand rubbing my ..ahem..ass a little more than was appropriate to do in a church. Maybe he also stole a few kisses. Lightly. Quickly. I found myself looking down in reflection as I thought about marriage.
Weddings do strange things to people. Well maybe normal things. Needed things.
And after 16 years together and 12 years of marriage we know all too well that the wedding does not make a marriage. The next 50 years we don’t get to wear silk dresses from Paris(I loved my dress), or toast champagne with friends, and head to a hotel room knowing that we could just sleep naked all day without fear of the kids yelling out at 2am “Mom, I need some water!” “Dad I have to go potty!” “I’m scared of the dark!”
Marriage is not very often a celebration of romance, but a daily grind of laundry, dinner and homework.
Which is why we need to go to more weddings. We are ‘at an age’ when weddings are scarce in our circles. We are old enough that either everyone is already married, or now getting married the second time alone on a beach somewhere. And our children(thank god) are too young to marry. I see in 10-15 years our invitations to weddings might trickle into our mailbox again as we become the older generation dancing to the YMCA at receptions in 2030 and having trouble making it to midnight.
So it was nice to celebrate a wedding with family last weekend. I love weddings because everyone shares their love stories – their wedding stories – their being a couple before kids stories. Jed loves to tell people that we probably aren’t really married after a quick elopement without witnesses to Scotland and leaving with a certificate that doesn’t look quite legal. But it was the perfect wedding for us. Small, an adventure, away, simple, with an excuse to visit another country. Yet Jed still teased me during this weekend’s wedding mass that he talked to the Priest about making us legal that day. He said that to get under my skin knowing that for us a Priest doesn’t get that say. We do. And our three daughters do.
Jed and I are very different people, yet so much the same. We found that out again this weekend as we stuck together like glue in the busy and chaos of family and friends, and felt our sameness after 12 years so much more than our differences. The sameness that we found again a few months ago when we remembered what we were doing with our love affair and checked our egos at the door.
Love is hard. And makes a wedding seem so simple.
I hope we have more weddings soon. More opportunities for Jed to steal kisses and rub me inappropriately in a pew. But I guess we don’t need a wedding to do that. We just need more simple reminders of love.
And fewer 2am wake-up calls.