Eloise turned 15 yesterday! I know you would’ve called and texted and reminded me of my first phone call about Eloise exactly 15 years ago. Maybe that’s why I didn’t write to you yesterday, I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to think about when I became a mother for the first time and all I wanted to do was talk to my mom because that’s what we do. That’s what we need. I remember that phone call like it was fifteen minutes ago, not fifteen years ago. I left a message on your answering machine(hello 2002) in a panicked voice telling you that we were home to pack a quick bag before a c-section happening as quickly as possible as she was early, breach and my fluid was almost gone. You kept that message on your machine until you had to get a new machine. You told me that you’d listen to it once in awhile. Now I listen to your voice – I have the last vm you left on my phone and sometimes I play it over and over and over again and it’s like you’re here forever.
Anyway, back to Eloise’s birthday. Eloise, our shy and new things-adverse child, surrounds herself with good people. She always has. 15 and no girl drama ever. 15 and she has friends from many schools and activities. Good friends and dear people. Her friends coordinated and threw her a surprise party for her birthday! Twenty-five kids came over and gave her such a sweet surprise. These kids man, they are so good and kind and giving. And they love our sweet Eloise to the moon and back 500 times. I can’t stop crying about it. I can’t stop crying about everything.
Jack sent her a nice card and money, so he’s doing your thing and making sure to do what you would’ve done. We all go through the steps to do these things that Grammy would’ve done…so I need you to know that, even though it’s not easy. There will never be a replacement though.
We are hosting Thanksgiving today. I’m thinking tears taste good with turkey.
Astrid went ice skating for the first time yesterday and proclaimed that it was her most favorite day ever and wants to go skating every day this winter. I knew she would love it. I know you would love watching her. I remember you taking us skating when we were little. Thank you for that. Thank you for everything.
Eloise and Esther had Quinn and Aine spend the night last night. They gave us the sweetest card and gift basket. They each wrote a memory about you – so you know it’s not just your grandkids who love and miss you, it’s so many more kids who knew you and will remember you always. Best Grammy Ever.
Love you, Mom and I’ll try to write more this week and let you know what we’re up to. Life is crazy right now, and I miss hearing you tell me that I’m insane because we are so busy. You would laugh and wonder how we did it all. Well we did it better when you were here, I’ll tell you that. You gave me sanity and peace and love. So much of that is missing right now.
Talk soon. Love you.