I’ve been doing this parenting thing for 13 year now, which makes me quite the expert. I laugh as I type this because we all know that parenting is basically making things up as we go along while we hope the kids don’t catch on to our big charade. Or maybe I just don’t know what I’m doing. Please don’t tell my kids.
The holidays always highlight the biggest flaws in my parenting, when this should be the time for me to really shine. I mean how can decking the halls, cookie decorating, shopping, listening to holiday music, and visiting Santa become bad parenting moments.
It’s because they are never perfect. And nothing shines a spotlight on parenting imperfection like the holidays. The stress, the pressure, the events, the busyness, the food, the lack of time – many parents reach their breaking points. My breaking point comes in small doses that I put into the loving way I talk to my kids.
Here are 10 things to say to kids this month to really get them into the Holiday Spirit! It’s worked for us! No stress here at all…nope, no stress…
- Get out of bed NOW! We have to be first in line to see Santa or we are not going at ALL! You will never see Santa again. It’s either first or NOTHING!
- Stop touching your sister or Santa will leave nothing for you! COAL! COAL! Do you like coal???
- Oh great, the frosting is now brown, it’s like you HATE CHRISTMAS.
- NO COOKIES FOR YOU!
- The heavy ornaments go on the top of the tree, the light ornaments on the bottom. How many times do I have to say this? You don’t deserve to decorate the tree EVER!
- Just pretend to hang the ornaments on the tree so I can get the picture. You’re standing in the wrong place. THIS IS STAGED DAMMIT! DON’T MOVE!
- THE ELF WILL DIE IF YOU TOUCH HIM! DID YOU TOUCH THE ELF???
- No presents for you!
- Oh sure, eat all the chocolate while kids everywhere are starving. It’s like we are made of chocolate now.
- This is not suppose to be fun – it’s just a picture for Instagram! You’re a child – do you not understand a game of pretend?
Okay, I need some stress relief. Let’s just look at cat and Christmas tree pictures…