You(I) can lie all you(I) want and make yourself(myself) believe that 45 is the new 35 and all that fancy young stuff that you(I) all brag about.
You(I) can talk about how you(I) don’t mind your(my)wrinkles and gray hair.
And you’ll(I’ll) wear your(my) hair long for many years to come.
And you(I)can wear your(my) skirts short and shoes high. And maybe show off a little shoulder. Or back. Or cleavage. Or wear a bikini to the beach.
Because you(I) say that 45 is still very sexy.(IT IS!)
And in your(my) most confident and comfortable times you(I) can yell “I am woman hear me roar!” and truly believe that 45 is ‘just’ a number and ‘just’ an age that you(I) don’t have to buy into or worry about until three things happen.
1. You(I) realize that you(I) no longer ask friends about their children or husbands or work. You(I) instead ask them about their uterus. Heavy periods? Gassy? Do you still have a period? Ablation(lucky duck)? Hysterectomy? Are you starting ‘the change?’ Even you(me) with small children at home would rather discuss your(my) uterus than school choice, Dance Moms, the best dressed at the Golden Globes, or cat videos on YouTube(Okay – at your(my) age – cat videos are a close second after the uterus talk). How is your uterus?
2. You(me) are lumped in with the 50 year olds on surveys. Check your age. 45-54. What the fuck is that? You(I )look at the 40-44 bracket with envy. “Oh those youngsters in that cute little bracket.” You(I) WANT THAT BRACKET BACK! Isn’t 45 closer to 40. Don’t you(I) feel 40? You(I) are NOT 54. 54 year olds have pensions and no longer want to talk about their uterus! Not that 54 is old – because it’s the new 45 we(I) hear you sister. But you(I) don’t want that bracket. Where is the 45-47 bracket? Why not 40-49? Survey writer people suck. You(I) curse their uterus and deny their cat video watching time!
3. You(I) can no longer wear a bun in your(my) hair without looking like a retired Russian ballerina who hasn’t had sex in 45 years, or like Katharine Hepburn from On Golden Pond. Sure – wear your(my) hair long, maybe even in a ponytail. Wear your(my) short skirts and bikinis..but DO NOT PUT YOUR(my) HAIR IN A BUN.
The first picture was what you(I) thought you(I) would look like – the second is what YOU(I) LOOK LIKE!
In conclusion. 45 is awesome. You(I) are young and vibrant and are in the prime of your(my) life….as long as you(I) can talk about your (my)uterus, don’t take anymore surveys, and don’t even think about putting your(my) hair in a bun.
So, talk to me about your uterus…