Take this easy quiz to see if you are ready to become a parent!
1. You can be a nurse without training! You can clean-up vomit – from floors, walls, clothing, hair, bodies, furniture, your MacBook, doors, stuffed animals, pianos and crayons – without gagging once while simultaneously holding a child and wielding a bottle of bleach.
2. You are fine having no friends! Instead of going to coffee with a girlfriend after preschool drop-off, you realize that you have to drive around picking up the school snack you forgot, delivering your daughter her violin that she forgot, and going to the vet for the cat’s flea meds.
3. You love the natural look! You can spend an hour each morning brushing and styling your daughters hair so it’s just perfect but you haven’t had a haircut in two years and decide the ‘dirty-messy bun’ must be the ‘in’ style for moms.
4. You now only pretend to do yoga! You will spend your money on cute clothing for your kids as they outgrow everything every 10 days, so your clothing budget is now for tees and yoga pants from Target. That you bought in 2005.
5. You vaguely remember nice restaurants! You will go to places where ‘kids eat free’ and rarely go anywhere without a kids menu. Also, you eat your child’s left-over mini corn dogs and comment on how they compare to the last place you ate. Because sadly you know these things.
6. You are prepared! Your designer purse will no longer hold cute little wallets and trinkets and the latest hot lip-gloss colors. Now it contains a bag of goldfish, some fruit snacks and some dried-up tissues that can easily be reused.
7. You love people! Well little people as you realize you won’t be alone ever for the next 10 or so years or more. Who are these small people following me?
8. You will never be featured in a Home Design Magazine! You can forget that nice furniture and perfectly placed kitschy accessories! Your look is now “stained microfiber meets stuffed animal land a la random dirty sippy cup on shelf with fingerprint covered pictures!” Tres non chic.
9. You think the beach is overrated! You can forget those romantic and quiet vacations to exotic island destinations during off-season- now your vacations are planned around school vacation to destinations with talking characters, millions of other children, and OMG fun – waterparks!
10. Your body is a playground! Sure your tummy won’t look like it did before you had kids – it might be lined or wrinkly or a little extra chubby, but what a fun feature to have so your kids can point at it and say ‘ewww, how did that happen?’ and then poke at it all of the time.
11. You cannot imagine your life any other way! 10 years ago I would’ve looked at the ten points above and ran the other way, but I would have missed out on the most amazing privilege on earth – and that is being a parent. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love my kids. Every moment with them is worth it’s weight in cleaning up vomit.