I’m not in a great place right now. I talked a bit about last week and how the frustrations of the daily things bring me down when really it’s the bigger things that just surface in a moment of anger. It’s because we trust our family isn’t it. You know I can just snap at my children because hopefully they will still love me tomorrow.
I hope it works both ways. It was shocking to me when my kids started school and kept their sweet game faces on all day just to come home and let me have it. I rarely believe the ‘experts’ but I do believe in that theory, and it now gives me comfort in how much my kids love and trust me. I hope I can have the same unconditional love.
Anyway, this is all just to apologize to them again for the raging bitch the comes out at about 3pm each day when I just want the damn toys put away – that it’s not really about the toys. The toys are fine. It’s not you. It’s me.
******
I love to blog. I do. I also love my kids. I don’t get paid to do either of those activities, so this Summer I chose hanging with my kids over doing my blogging. I’ve fallen behind on guest posts I committed to, on some freelance writing assignments that I took on, and I’m not writing much here. And it hurts my heart more than I thought it would.
But I’ve got a really good tan so there’s that.
School starts in five weeks so I will have time again and a schedule again to write. But until then…I’m working on my tan and I’m not going to feel guilty about it. Because even though I’m frustrated by the toys and the heat…this is the best Summer I’ve ever had because I feel like my priorities are in order.
(see I need to get away from my children as I’m starting to dress like them)
BUT. I love to blog and I want to do more and I need to figure out again what that means. So when I say I’m not in a good place right now, I mean I need to figure out exactly what my place is in this space.
So I’m attending BlogHer again this year to recharge my heart, clear my head, and remember why I do this exactly. Some people say they don’t love BlogHer – it’s too big, too busy, too much. They like the small conferences instead. I say that both types of conferences have their place but as an extremely shy introvert – I find BlogHer to be the perfect venue for me. I like that it’s big. I like that it has something for everyone. I like the energy and I like the opportunity to put myself out there and see in person just how there is truly a place for you and a place for me.
When I reach a low spot in my head on ‘why am I here?’ and ‘what am I doing?’ – I just have to go back and read my BlogHer recap post from last year and I can already feel the positive energy flow around me and give me peace on why I am doing this and why I love it, and it makes me carve out a little piece of time to write something. Something that is worth reading and sharing. Because I do have a place here. And so do you.
And still it’s okay to just step back and work on your tan sometimes. Guilt be gone.
If you are reading this and heading to BlogHer in NYC this year – please come find me so we can hug, share a coffee or a drink of something stronger. I love to dance and will always welcome the chance to bump and grind with a stranger who will now become a close friend(very close). You can comment here, find me on twitter or facebook to connect, send me an email tracy@sellabitmum.com, or you can find me at BlogHer and just randomly tackle me – I’ll be the one with the shoes that are not sensible at all because I won’t be chasing after any of my kids.
Consider yourself pre-tackled
I’m truly looking forward to meeting you, face-to-face — and, I’m jealous that you get to work on your priorities like you have (I know my priorities, but end up dealing with other stuff), and, really jealous of your tan
John recently posted..Where I hop over to Lisa’s place
I cannot wait to tackle you!!! It’s ON!!!
That really is a telltale sign Summer Vacation is taking its toll if you start dressing like your kids. I love the post, and you’re right: it’s important to get your priorities straight. Even if it does mean dressing like your kids.
Have a nice vacation and a nice tan.
I wish so badly that I were coming to BlogHer. I would love to bump and grind in high heels…but mostly I would love to meet the bloggers that I adore. I want to encourage you to keep spending your summer with your girls – I will be waiting here to read more whenever you get around to writing more (and see pictures of your tan).
Jessica recently posted..Put on a happy face
Aw thank you – it’s truly been a magical Summer!
I love you whether you write here 5x a week or once. Whether you’re white or tanned. Or being matchy matchy with your children or not.
I do hate that I am not going to be at BlogHer because if I was going, you better watch out for a short Chinese girl who’ll tackle you and ooh aah over your clothes and shoes and hair.
Instead, I’ll just sit here in my jammy jams and bemoan the fact that I’m in freaking Malaysia.
Alison recently posted..A Force of His Own
Alison – I loved your comment.
And hear hear – this blog is a great place to be.
Lady Jennie recently posted..Olympic Efforts
Alison – you need to start planning for BlogHer 13!
I am having a similar summer and loving it – though i need to do a quick check to see if i have also started dressing like my kids.
would love to meet you at blogher, i’ll be there!
Anna recently posted..At the Playground: Ocean View, Delaware
Oh let’s totally meet – PLEASE!!
I haven’t pulled out a sensible shoe to pack yet because to be me at BlogHer means SENSE BE DAMNED. I am going to dance all night, turn that mutha out!
I know what you mean about priorities. Mine have not been with my blog. I have about 27 drafts right now at various stages of completion and all I can muster is eh. I’ll get to it. You can’t beat yourself up, even if it feels like the most natural thing to do — feel guilty about not being here as much.
I can’t wait to see you.
Arnebya recently posted..Writer’s Workshop: All of It
I cannot wait to bump and grind with you at BlogHer! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
I have had so many moments of frustration and guilt this summer, I fear that this alone is causing our summer not to be the best it could be. (Just telling you because sometimes it’s nice for me to know there might be other people who have these moments too.)
Anyway, love the matching outfits, love that you’re enjoying your summer and starting to dress like your kids, and can’t wait to hear about BlogHer.
xoxo
christine recently posted..We’re Back
This year has been a weird one and I know I feel so “blah” most of the time. Enjoy your summer and feel no guilt about it! Have a great time at BlogHer.
KeAnne recently posted..To Eat More Chikin or Not – That is the Question
I love your attitude about it ALL.
And prepare for me to both tackle you and bump and grind with you. You’ve been warned.
Elaine recently posted..Play time
The sweetest post ever.
Thank you.
Alexandra recently posted..Hazards of Summer
Good for you for prioritizing this summer. Sometimes, you just need to regroup. I’ll be at BlogHer next week. It’ll be my first. Can’t wait! Hope to see you there. I will be wearing sensible shoes.
another jennifer recently posted..My formula for writing, publishing and sharing blog posts
I couldn’t agree with you more… on all of it.
Can’t wait to give you a HUGE hug!
Jen recently posted..Looking Forward to BlogHer
Summer is the perfect time to just take it easy and focus on other things for a few weeks. Enjoy your time.
I am still new to the blogging world, so am not going to BlogHer this year. From all I’ve read it sounds wonderful! Hope you ave a great time!
Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..What’s the Weather Like?
I wish I was going to BlogHer, I would totally tackle you! (I know you’re slightly considered that this is in fact a true statement).
I’m glad that you got an amazing tan this summer, also I don’t remotely believe that you didn’t coordinate to all match perfectly
Marta recently posted..What I’m Not Telling You: Part II
good for you and your tan! I need some recharging but am NOT going to BlogHer. Can you bottle some inspiration up and send it over? xo
angela recently posted..College Sports and the Culture of Corruption
I love that you are having the best summer ever and I love coming to visit here regardless of whether you’re writing every day or every other month (tho’ that would probably make me selfishly sad). I do know what you mean about snapping because we trust our families. I’m so guilty of that and my husband, and probably kids too, would gladly tell you that.
While I am in NYC, I’m not going to BlogHer because a) I can’t afford it and b) it scares me. Maybe I will come stalk you at the hotel anyways? I actually will be there on Thursday…
Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..A vacation alone
Please – let’s connect or at least hug. DM me your # and I will stalk YOU!
Thank you for this post!
And do you have a camera in my house at 3pm?
Have a wonderful time at BlogHer! Be refreshed & inspired!
Yes, a nice tan is nice. But don’t come crying to me when you look like Granny Clampett.
Have fun!
m.
Mark recently posted..All Swim!
I’m looking forward to meeting you!
ML@My3LittleBirds recently posted..Object Permanence
I constantly feel like I’m on a short fuse or ill tempered because I’m always doing the things I have to do instead of the things I want to do. And I don’t mean that you’re spending time with your kids because you have to but you’d really rather be blogging. What I mean is, I want to play with my kids, make memories with my kids, read a book, blog, make nice dinners. But what I have to do is work out of the house 40 hours a week, commute in horrible traffic, clean, put away, pay bills…
The list goes on. It always leaves me feeling overwhelmed and sad and tired. Because the only way to fit it all in is to stay up until 11, wake up at 5 and just go, go, go until I collapse into bed that night.
Have fun at blogher. Hope you’re able to recharge and come back fresh.
[...] it can be easy to feel lost in the crowd, but as Tracy from Sellabit Mum reminds us, there are plenty of places, ways, and people to fit into at BlogHer. Wondering what to wear? Steph from A Grande Life has a practical solution to your fashion [...]
It was so great to see you at Type A. The ladies attending Blogher are so lucky.