I’m not in a great place right now. I talked a bit about last week and how the frustrations of the daily things bring me down when really it’s the bigger things that just surface in a moment of anger. It’s because we trust our family isn’t it. You know I can just snap at my children because hopefully they will still love me tomorrow.
I hope it works both ways. It was shocking to me when my kids started school and kept their sweet game faces on all day just to come home and let me have it. I rarely believe the ‘experts’ but I do believe in that theory, and it now gives me comfort in how much my kids love and trust me. I hope I can have the same unconditional love.
Anyway, this is all just to apologize to them again for the raging bitch the comes out at about 3pm each day when I just want the damn toys put away – that it’s not really about the toys. The toys are fine. It’s not you. It’s me.
I love to blog. I do. I also love my kids. I don’t get paid to do either of those activities, so this Summer I chose hanging with my kids over doing my blogging. I’ve fallen behind on guest posts I committed to, on some freelance writing assignments that I took on, and I’m not writing much here. And it hurts my heart more than I thought it would.
But I’ve got a really good tan so there’s that.
School starts in five weeks so I will have time again and a schedule again to write. But until then…I’m working on my tan and I’m not going to feel guilty about it. Because even though I’m frustrated by the toys and the heat…this is the best Summer I’ve ever had because I feel like my priorities are in order.
BUT. I love to blog and I want to do more and I need to figure out again what that means. So when I say I’m not in a good place right now, I mean I need to figure out exactly what my place is in this space.
So I’m attending BlogHer again this year to recharge my heart, clear my head, and remember why I do this exactly. Some people say they don’t love BlogHer – it’s too big, too busy, too much. They like the small conferences instead. I say that both types of conferences have their place but as an extremely shy introvert – I find BlogHer to be the perfect venue for me. I like that it’s big. I like that it has something for everyone. I like the energy and I like the opportunity to put myself out there and see in person just how there is truly a place for you and a place for me.
When I reach a low spot in my head on ‘why am I here?’ and ‘what am I doing?’ – I just have to go back and read my BlogHer recap post from last year and I can already feel the positive energy flow around me and give me peace on why I am doing this and why I love it, and it makes me carve out a little piece of time to write something. Something that is worth reading and sharing. Because I do have a place here. And so do you.
And still it’s okay to just step back and work on your tan sometimes. Guilt be gone.
If you are reading this and heading to BlogHer in NYC this year – please come find me so we can hug, share a coffee or a drink of something stronger. I love to dance and will always welcome the chance to bump and grind with a stranger who will now become a close friend(very close). You can comment here, find me on twitter or facebook to connect, send me an email firstname.lastname@example.org, or you can find me at BlogHer and just randomly tackle me – I’ll be the one with the shoes that are not sensible at all because I won’t be chasing after any of my kids.