Eloise is my reality-checker, discussion grounder, and yes typically fun-ender. But she’s extremely useful in her role.
Typically she’s in the back of the car proving her sisters wrong with their strange claims of reality. Like according to Eloise unicorns do not exist, there is no gold at the end of the rainbow, and you don’t eat your baby to get it in your tummy. See fun-ender.
But Eloise has been in a camp this week so I’ve had the other two dreamer children who ride unicorns sitting in the back of the minivan evidently smoking a hell of a lot of marijuana. And I let them and just nod because their world is awesome. Eloise would be so mad at me. Please don’t tell her.
If you want to know about babies – just ask Esther.
Hey Astrid, you know someday you’ll have a baby in your belly when you’re a mommy.
“But I don’t want a baby there” Astrid says.
Oh but one day you will just say that you want one and then BOOM it will be there in your belly. I’ve heard rumors that maybe you eat something to get it in there.
“But I want it out!” yells Astrid
Well you have to wait a bit and then one day when you’ve named your baby you’ll go to the hospital and a doctor will take a long sharp knife and cut your belly open and take your baby out! Then you stay in the hospital for three days until the baby is yours forever.
“But I don’t like doctors!” Astrid cries.
The cutting part only hurts for a minute. It’s totally worth it. Someday I’m going to wish for 72 girl babies. Maybe all at once.
“But I just want to stay little forever!” Decides Astrid.
Mom, that’s how it all happens, right?
“That’s exactly how it happens except the unicorn fairy delivers diapers and gold to the hospital and little green men do your laundry for a year. Oh and you leave the hospital 10 pounds below your pre-pregnancy weight. Don’t forget that part.”