Eloise is my reality-checker, discussion grounder, and yes typically fun-ender. But she’s extremely useful in her role.
Typically she’s in the back of the car proving her sisters wrong with their strange claims of reality. Like according to Eloise unicorns do not exist, there is no gold at the end of the rainbow, and you don’t eat your baby to get it in your tummy. See fun-ender.
But Eloise has been in a camp this week so I’ve had the other two dreamer children who ride unicorns sitting in the back of the minivan evidently smoking a hell of a lot of marijuana. And I let them and just nod because their world is awesome. Eloise would be so mad at me. Please don’t tell her.
If you want to know about babies – just ask Esther.
Hey Astrid, you know someday you’ll have a baby in your belly when you’re a mommy.
“But I don’t want a baby there” Astrid says.
Oh but one day you will just say that you want one and then BOOM it will be there in your belly. I’ve heard rumors that maybe you eat something to get it in there.
“But I want it out!” yells Astrid
Well you have to wait a bit and then one day when you’ve named your baby you’ll go to the hospital and a doctor will take a long sharp knife and cut your belly open and take your baby out! Then you stay in the hospital for three days until the baby is yours forever.
“But I don’t like doctors!” Astrid cries.
The cutting part only hurts for a minute. It’s totally worth it. Someday I’m going to wish for 72 girl babies. Maybe all at once.
“But I just want to stay little forever!” Decides Astrid.
Mom, that’s how it all happens, right?
“That’s exactly how it happens except the unicorn fairy delivers diapers and gold to the hospital and little green men do your laundry for a year. Oh and you leave the hospital 10 pounds below your pre-pregnancy weight. Don’t forget that part.”
That’s exactly how it happens. 72 huh? She better start saving her piggy bank money.
Ali recently posted..I Scream, You Scream. We All Scream When Mom Makes Us Eat Zucchini
I want to live in their world!!
Robbie recently posted..Miss or not?
You’re killing me. So, so funny. It’s official. You must write a book. Am I the one-thousandth person to tell you that?
Cath recently posted..Back to Books – Summer Reading
Oh I think Esther needs to write a book. About unicorns of course. xo
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Thank God For C-Sections
I’m dying over here. Especially at SEVENTY TWO baby girls.
I actually WANT to believe in unicorns. Yes, I’m still 7, clearly.
Alison recently posted..Never The Same Again
I’ve never been there for the birth of any of my children but I had always assumed that unicorns were involved. Thanks for finally clearing that up!
m.
Mark recently posted.."See the pretty girl in that mirror there"
Yes, unicorns are always involved.
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Thank God For C-Sections
Please let Esther know that Zoe says it is watermelon seeds that you eat to get the baby in there and only watermelon ones because they make the baby nice and round (apple seeds would make them a weird shape like oval and no one wants that). And 72 sounds good; I love even numbers.
Arnebya recently posted..Wordful Wednesday: Love Her. Now.
Seriously, who wants an oval baby?
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Thank God For C-Sections
72 girl babies….whoa…and imagine them all under one roof, all menstrual cycles synced. LOL
Hilarious children. Abbey asked for a baby-making explanation the other day. Where was Esther when I needed her?
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Love. lovelovelove. I also have a couple of those realists at my house; my husband and younger son. I share your preference for fairy land, tyvm. Don’t forget to tell her that she will make enough money being famous that she can afford a huge house for her 72 daughters and an excellent staff to keep it clean. And the jumbo jet they will need to go places.
Jessica recently posted..Building Excitement
If Astrid wants to stay little forever, why does she keep appearing to get larger in the pictures you post?
I will keep your secret from Eloise.
John recently posted..Where I talk about my upcoming vacation
Ha! Yup, totally how it happens.
And wow, 72 babies at once. Wow.
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I love learning new theories and explanations of life’s little mysteries. I have a young man who is very fact-oriented, too, so things don’t often sway too far from reality at my house. I am not sure of his feelings about unicorns, though.
Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..Change of Plans
I know that “conventional wisdom” says that when kids ask, they’re ready to hear the truth.
But when Jack started asking REALLY pointed questions at five years old, I didn’t think he was ready for the truth. Or maybe I wasn’t.
I told him that mommies had eggs in them and that daddies had something special that had to mix with the eggs (“like fertilizer?” “ummm yes, kind of”).
Then Jack asked, “But how DOES the special daddystuff mix with the mommyeggs?”
And I chickened out.
I said, “Well, that part is magic.”
And Bill, who was listening across the room, looked up from his book and said, “YEAH it is!”
So you see…having 72 girls is not such a bad idea after all…
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I’m thinking we will have the talk when Esther turns 23. That’s not too late is it?
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Thank God For C-Sections
OMG Im laughing so hard I just spit Sprite all over my laptop!…. What a hoot in must be to walk in your shoes Tracy! Your kids are hilarious & oh soooo beautiful! Just wait until their teenagers! Waaahaaa haaa haaaa!!!!!
Oh gosh please don’t make me think about teenagers yet. xo
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Thank God For C-Sections
Giggling…!
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This post is hilarious!
I kind of love the unicorn version of life. So much more pleasant I think. If Jasper could have his way, everything would be rainbows and hearts and I kind of love that.
Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..Conquering Fears in the Pool
72 kids at once? Esther must be gunning for her own reality show…
and because all my kids were c section that’s exactly how my kids think all babies are born…
Not a Perfect Mom recently posted..Being The Adult Is Great…Sometimes
I love dreamer kids. I think my daughter will be the dreamer and my son the fun-ender unless it is about space travel.
So glad you sorted this out. My next baby will have a much easier delivery.