We stopped at McDonald’s on our drive last Thursday. An extraordinary treat for the girls. We feasted on a meal of chocolate shakes(Esther had strawberry) and fries because that’s the kind of meal that women like best.
The girls were all seated in a row like they always do. They mush together in a booth while I sit across feeling quite lonely but enjoying the view. I went to get 12 more cups of ketchup. Because hello ketchup. And when I came back I saw them all there sucking down their shakes. Their bodies touching on their sides.
I sat down across from them and really felt quite overwhelmed by the view and said “you know you all are so beautiful. All of you. Your hearts. Your minds. Your eyes. Your everything.”
Astrid said “No, I’m just adorable.”
Esther said “I know, everyone says so.”
Eloise said “There’s nothing beautiful about me.”
And I corrected her immediately because Eloise is so very beautiful. My heart broke that she thinks she is not. And then she said “well Esther is so much prettier than I am.” and I told her that I wasn’t really talking about physical beauty but since she brought it up I didn’t see how she thought anyone was prettier than she was.
And then Esther interrupted us to say “But I am prettier than Eloise, ask anyone” and Eloise said “she’s right, I totally agree with her.”
Truthfully I didn’t know whether to be angry at Eloise for being so negative about her looks or angry at Esther for being so boastful or really proud of Esther for loving herself so much because really what women say anything good about ourselves ever.
So I just kind of dropped the subject and ate a lot of fries. Because McDonald’s makes the best fries. No one can debate that.
Oh goodness, all of your girls are gorgeous. I hope Eloise will come to know it too. And yes, those friggin’ fries are awesome. Ugh.
Elaine recently posted..Living la vida Louisiana & MEM
There is too much truth in this post for one night. I hope that Eloise grows to see how gorgeous she really is, in all of the ways you mean. And at the same time, I hope Esther keeps that confidence, so when her friends start to find their flaws, she still has eyes that see the lovely bits. And of course I hope Astrid is always as adorable as she is now.
And I hope the Fry Fairy visits me tonight, though I know she won’t, the wench.
angela recently posted..When Costco and Pinterest Collide
True that. Best fries in town. And bless your beautiful girls. Every bit of them.
Cath recently posted..A Magical Fairy Evening
Even if she doesn’t see it now, she will, some day. She will read this blog and the comments and she will know that she’s beautiful, inside and out.
Also, now I want fries.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Random Things You Probably Didn’t Want To Know But I’m Going To Tell You Anyway
I’ve always wanted more daughters but now I’m thinking boys might be easier in the long run.
You have three of the fairest maidens in all the land. It’s like America’s Next Supermodel over there!
m.
Mark recently posted..Why do I even try?
All three of your girls are beautiful. They really are.
Leigh Powell Hines @Hinessightblog recently posted..I’m Declaring my "Sweet Independence" and am Eating Chocolate Guilt-Free
reminds me of when I was younger. My older sister was blond and blue eyed and obviously gorgeous while I was the brunette, hazel eyed sister…the smart one if you will…
and now at the ripe old age of 30, I still do think that…
except I’m now a sassy red head who has her shit together while my gorgeous older sister has made mistake after mistake…
but she’s still prettier
Not a Perfect Mom recently posted..Unique Gifts Giveaway!
Anyone trying to debate the fries is losing. McDonald’s has the best fries. Period. (Mind you I only eat their fries (when I do, which is infrequently) and haven’t had others in a good 7+ years BUT there’s a reason for that).
It does happen, and it will happen for Eloise as she comes into herself. She may always think Esther is prettier than her (I still maintain that my oldest sister is way prettier than me) but it won’t be a deflated feeling. For me, it’s just fact. Shit, Halle Berry is prettier than me but she’s not BETTER than me (hey, I’ve kept the same husband for 10 years; I’ve got at least that).
Outside of what she may feel about her sisters’ looks, Eloise will eventually realize that she is beautiful in the sense you meant it: the inner, the mannerisms, the love for herself and her sisters. I don’t think that pushing it at that moment would have done much either. My oldest daughter believes her sister has better hair (to me it’s not better, just easier to manage). There will likely always be comparisons. I think it’s just up to us to make them realize that even if they are set in believing their sister is prettier than them it does NOTHING to deflate the wonderfulness that is them. I am rambling, I’m sorry; it’s my prettier sister’s fault.
Oh gosh – what can I say about this? There is so much there. Rich.
And hello – Eloise. On top of it you have a gorgeous name and a gorgeous spirit. In addition to the drop-dead gorgeous looks.
Lady Jennie recently posted..Deductive Reasoning
Ugh! I hate it when Maile says things like this too. I try to convince myself that she doesn’t really mean it. I think ALL of your girls are seriously gorgeous!
Kat recently posted..Easy COOL WHIP Dessert For Kids
So much depth in this post. I wish we women/girls did have an easier time accepting ourselves.
I know I have unintentionally hurt my own daughter by being critical of my own looks. I would never let her get away with saying about herself, a smidge of what I say about myself.
Karla Porter Archer recently posted..Celebrating Every Day
::sigh::
I hate this for your girl. And for my girl. And for all the girls who for one reason or another, feel this way.
My sister and I both said this same thing as we were growing up…(I think it’s a sister/girl thing).
But the truth is, most people thought we were twins so there wasn’t enough distinction in our looks to warrant a “prettier” label to either one of us.
I have a very good friend who is (objectively, truly, universally) GORGEOUS and her sister is fairly plain as far as physical looks go.
It’s just a fact.
But the sister also has a much more bubbly, easier personality and grew up far happier and more popular than my friend.
Go figure.
Eloise and Esther have completely different looks and both of them are beautiful. So which of them is “prettier” would be subject to individual opinion – and certainly not “EVERYONE” will agree.
But holy crap it’s hard to be a girl. It’s hard to be pretty. It’s hard to be plain. It’s hard to be shy. Or to fake being outgoing.
It’s just hard.
Which is why we all need to eat more fries.
julie gardner recently posted..The Mobile Home
Oh, thank you for this… you make me appreciate the fact that I have only ONE girl!
I would not have been able to handle that with any sense of grace.
Als0: your girls are gorgeous, like their mama.
Eloise is beautiful, as are all your girls! I love Esther’s confidence. I wish everyone confidently knew they were beautiful!
When I tell my daughter, Juliana, that she’s beautiful, she says, “You’re required to say that because you’re my mom.” It’s hard to hear her say she doesn’t think she’s beautiful.
Beauty comes in so many forms. Physically, if we all looked the same, that would be really boring. So, until my daughter is able to embrace her beauty, I’m going to keep pointing out all the ways she’s beautiful inside and out. And I know you will too!
Dara Dokas recently posted..Time For A Change?
It’s heartbreaking when a daughter sees her flaws – or rather interprets them as flaws. Your daughters – all of them – are amazing. I often find myself just watching my daughter like you did in McDonald’s and thinking, wow, how can someone be so beautiful. But the other day she was putting on a two piece bathing suit. Looked great on her but she tore it off and said, “I can’t wear this. I have too much hair on my lower back. It’s gross.” I was speechless because yes she has this nice downy hair there (she’s only 11) and it’s actually kind of endearing. But to her it’s GROSS!! Broke my heart right there because then I noticed she’s going to have a moustache just like me. Ugh.
McDonalds does make the best fries.
And all three of them are beautiful. So very beautiful. You tell Eloise I said so.
Marta recently posted..At The Edge.
Aw, your daughters are beautiful, in every possible way. I hope that Eloise can see that, and that Esther can keep her confidence and that Astrid stays adorable forever (which she undoubtedly will). PS. Looks like McD’s fries for dinner.
christine recently posted..Step Back From The Busy
I have two girls in my group too and I always cringe when someone starts picking apart their looks–even if it’s purely positive. I just don’t want so much focus on it. Don’t have the answer though.
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I’m sorry, I’m still getting over you eating fries. I actually wish there was a picture of THAT.
One time my sister and her husband’s sister and I were out shopping. This is probably 15 years ago. And my sister’s SIL said to me, “Well, you’re the pretty one.”
Once got over the shock of that, I had to laugh because clearly my sister was the pretty one, and also, I had no idea we were labeled.
Cheryl @ Mommypants recently posted..What happens after The End
Well please tell her that I think she is really so very truly beautiful. And I’m not just saying that because I’m her mom’s friend. I’m saying it because I have forty years of living and I understand that beauty comes in all shapes and forms. Yes Esther is beautiful in a different way, but that doesn’t steal the beauty of Eloise just because she doesn’t look the same.
Jennifer recently posted..I am broken
Your girls are of course lovely. I don’t think any of us realized how pretty we were just by virtue of our youth. I don’t mean to imply that you handled your situation incorrectly, I just found this compelling – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6wJl37N9C0
That’s such a hard situation…I’d be shocked to hear one sister agreeing that she’s prettier, especially sisters as close as they are. It’s good to be confident about your looks, but important to be sensitive of others’ feelings. I don’t envy you that tricky conversation, but surely Esther needs to know that she shouldn’t say things like that as it is hurtful to others. And, of course, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Just my opinion.
Oh these beautiful girls and their words and their hearts that I want to protect.
We just have to cross our fingers that we’re filling them up the best ways we know how and that somehow, it’ll be enough.
(Pass the fries, please?)
Galit Breen recently posted..Magnum Opus
What a difficult issue to address. It’s part of being a woman, I think, this back and forth of confidence and insecurity. But it’s heartbreaking to hear it from your own children and to know that these insecurities start at such a young age. All of your girls are stunning, just like their Mommy.
Julia recently posted..Writing Woes
I had misgivings about leaving the link to the poetry slam “Pretty” and the universe (the book I am reading) provided this quote – “Love makes us beautiful. Do you know a single person who loves and is loved, who is loved unconditionally and who, at the same time, is ugly? There’s no need to ponder the question. There is no such person.” I feel better now. I admire you so much!! The book is The Art of Hearing Heartbeats by Jan-Philipp Sendker.
Ohhh Man… I don’t even know what to say. I’ll just say I agree that McDonalds makes the best fries. That’s a toughy.
Rachelle recently posted..The Blooms of June
I hope your girls all come to realize that they are beautiful inside and out!
JDaniel4′s Mom recently posted..Reaching for Freedom and Making Good Choices
Loverly – those girls are awesome.
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