Eloise is getting braces on July 24th. This expense has taken me by surprise. Kind of like the expense of raising children at all. Like who knew how much you would spend on other kid’s birthday presents or that you’d have to donate blood to afford piano lessons. I mean you’ve seen the latest report, but I think parents should be informed of these expenses upon hospital check-out. You know, so we don’t have a heart-attack nine years later.
Dear Ms. Morrison and Mr. Duncan,
We hope you enjoy your new daughter. It was our pleasure serving you in our hospital. Before you leave make sure you make your full payment of $20,000 for our services of your c-section birth as well as nursing and doctor time billed for your three day stay. It’s been such a joy having you here.
We’d also like to leave you with an itemized bill of future expenditures to get your child to the age of 18 in case you’d like us to put you on a payment plan now or you could just pay all of this upfront avoiding any possible inflation charges.
-diapers and wipes $5000
-nursery set-up plus at least four bedroom remodels before college $4000
-daycare and preschool $40,000
-250 birthday parties attended for friends x $20 a present = $5000
– orthodontia $7000
-Horse camp and other Summer camps to keep up with the Joneses $20,000
-books and school supplies $10,000
-Piano lessons $13,000
-Dance classes $14,000
– Dance costumes $1500
-American Girl dolls and accessories $800
-6th grade trip to France $3000
– clothing $20,000
-health insurance premiums $20,000
-broken arm $4000(high deductible insurance)
-dental cleanings(no insurance) $3200
– glasses and eye appointments $3000
– birthday parties hosted $4000
-Taylor Swift concert tickets $400
-Minivan to fit the family $26,000
-Incremental cost to move to a larger house to fit the family divided by 3 kids $40,000
-pool passes $1500
This bill of $276,600 does not take into consideration any educational expenses you will incur if you choose to send your child to private school or if you like take them to Disney World and YOU KNOW YOU WILL. We are also making the assumption that once she receives her drivers license she will be required to pay for the car, gas and insurance. If you choose to pay for this please add $30,000 to this total or tell your child to get a job.
Your empty wallet
P.S. We’ll see you in just two shorts years for baby #2! You had better start saving now!
On a totally related note – I will blog for braces! xoxo