She’s already proven that she can’t be trusted at Starbucks. The nerve – sharing beaver stories with the baristas.
Now we cannot go shopping to any stores ever again. Or perhaps we will just stay home until she’s 13.
I mean it’s bad enough when you’re in a dressing room at Anthropologie and your two year old is saying very LOUDLY “Mom, why do you have a fuzzy butt?” (and you realize that you shouldn’t wear string thongs without a full Brazilian), but it’s also the “Mom, why is your tummy so squishy like my bear’s tummy?” and “Mom, what are these marks on your thighs?” and “Mom, why are your ‘nickels’ bigger than mine and shaky?” and “Mom, why is that wrinkly?”
And you wonder where our body self-confidence has gone? Well completely out the window when you have a toddler pointing out every little flaw and flab you have and announcing it over the PA system to all of the hot 22 year olds shopping at Anthro.
Two year olds are loud.
But my favorite thing that Astrid said this week was when we were at the bank and she said to the teller in a voice loud enough that it carried to Egypt “You know when I grow bigger I’m going to have a string hanging out of my butt just like my mommy does.!!!! Won’t that be fun!!!”
I. am. dying!
I love that girl….
But she obviously needs to sort out what fun really is….
Not a Perfect Mom recently posted..What’s in a Name?
I think we need to get our two year olds together for some BIG FUN! xo
Seriously?? I would have died! I get the “why is your tummy so wrinkly and squishy?” Way to make Mommy feel good, right? But lately my two-year-old daughter asks me what those “owies” are on my chest when she sees me naked in the dressing room!
Corey Moortgat recently posted..The Dollhouse Story
Oh I am so sorry. I just wish they would say these things just a little bit quieter. lol
*SNORT*
Notes to self:
1. Do not bring toddlers shopping.
2. Do not let toddlers into the bathroom with you.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Toddler ‘Tude
Yes, never change a tampon with a toddler around. Lesson learned.
Your daughter is cute as a button. My kids always thought it was funny to say loudly, “Mommy, did you fart?”
Oh I would’ve died! And moms NEVER fart.
I just fell over and died laughing. DIED. At 8am.
Well played.
Katie recently posted..Wordless Wednesday…Holiday Weekend Fun
Ha! Hilarious! A great morning laugh for me! Love her……hate the cute 22 year olds at Anthro…..lol! They’ll get theirs someday!
Oh my gosh I am dying! That is hilarious. Dying.
Jessica recently posted..Right where I am: 4 years 7 months 19 days
No filter on that cute as hell little gal, is there?
Carrie recently posted..Energizer Ultimate Lithium Batteries, Review & Giveaway
No filter. Some kids love to overshare. So glad my older two never did!
I love her more and more every time I read about her. Even as I cringe.
Mrs. Jen B recently posted..Attitude of Gratitude
can I adopt her?? Or have her for a week or so, just so I can giggle my fuzzy butt off???
she’s my favorite kid right now. Although the other day in the car, Gio said (in a very serious voice) “Daddy do I have to say something when I fart?”
these kids are killing me. Seriously. xo
Kir recently posted..Proud Mommy Moments: Erin Margolin Shares A Corner…of my heart.
Kids are hilarious. Astrid is now getting to the point where she knows she is funny. Even her sisters will say “I don’t remember what we did for entertainment before Astrid came along.”
Won’t that be fun!!!
Dying. Dead.
julie gardner recently posted..I don’t mean your kid, of course
Hence the reason I never dressed in front of, bathed with or sleep with my children! The risk was never worth it. Thso were also the days I could leave them in the car if I did banking and not be arrested, after all they didn’t have to be strapped in while the car was moving:) I do remember tho the first time you rubbed my face when you were about 12 and said eweeee it feels loose! I was a mere 33 at the time……
I still remember telling you how loose your skin was. I’m so sorry. xoxo
At least she’s consistent.
Arnebya recently posted..Our Home Is
She is hilarious! And reminds me of my girls. I have to have a “talk” with the older one before we go into dressing rooms about quiet voices. I’m sure it will be the little one here soon too. Still trying to figure out how to explain the string coming out of my butt.
I can’t get over Astrid’s cuteness.
PS. How to go to the store or bank ever again!?
christine recently posted..Weddings, Airplanes, and Brown Paper Bags
Oh. My. God. So completely awesome, mainly because it wasn’t me. You’re changing banks, right?
Leigh Ann recently posted..What I miss about working
Online banking ONLY from now on.
There is something to be said for online banking! She is hysterical.
Barbara recently posted..Field Trippin’
HOLY!!!! That is hilarious! You’ve got a real spark plug on your hands. xoxo
Jennifer recently posted..Three Wishes
I have no idea where this child came from.
Tracy,
omg. I am ROLLING.
i love the things she said—mostly b/c I’ve heard a lot of those, too. especially about the string, and all the hair down there. fortunately most of them have been said at home in private. but hey, at least you provided others with a good laugh!
and you know you’re not alone, right? mine also pointed out my “white” hair the other day. b/c i haven’t had my hair did in a loooong time. lol
erin margolin recently posted..I am Worth Hearing.
I just dyed my grays tonight because my 7 year old kept trying to pull them out. Gah. Kids are hilarious thank god. Thanks for sharing today. xo
Oh, good golly! What a stitch!
Makes me thankful my daughter only told her teacher she likes it when I burp quesadilla…
IASoupMama recently posted..Please Don’t Need Me
That’s just… I don’t even… OMG.
I’m totally laughing at your expense by the way.
Jennifer recently posted..Unexpected
Oh my. And I thought the beaver story was good. This takes the cake! Gotta love 2 year olds.
another jennifer recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: The Newest Member of the Family
OMG that’s hilarious. And I would be MORTIFIED. If I hear any children screaming embarrassing things I will now look around for you and Astrid.
Marta recently posted..Sun. Sand. Summer.
She is soooo adorable! Ive been reading about the things this little “angelic child” has said to embarrass the hell out of her mommy & Ive laughed so hard that my jiggling belly hurt! I can remember when my boys were that age & I always said to them “and we DON’T discuss that in public!”. Thankfully they understood that. It seems your beautiful mommy embarrasser hasn’t quiet caught onto that yet. LOL Poor Mommy! I can’t wait to read what she says next! LOLOL!!
I know – my older two would NEVER do this. I actually think she gets she is not suppose to but now finds it hilarious…at my expense. I’m in such huge trouble. lol
Oh my. You can’t take here ANY.WHERE.
;-P
Elaine recently posted..Abundance
Who’d of thought she could top the beaver story?? Makes me thankful I have 3 boys, I generally get changing rooms and bathrooms to myself!
Oh My! That girl is a pistol! I’m still trying to recover from the massive belly laugh. I so feel your pain, too. They’ll get theirs someday & we’ll have a fine time laughing at them.
FUN….not exactly the word that comes to mind! But OMG how funny is that kid…love it!
dysfunctional mom recently posted..Weekend Wrap-Up/ Happy List!
I know – I never told her that the ‘butt string’ was fun..lol. But woohoo – butt strings!
When my girls see me in a thong, they tsk-tsk that my underwear are too small and my butt is hanging out. They also like to “wear my boobies” (put on my bras) and have a way of asking about my squishy tummy at the most inopportune moments. Ah, kids…
Thank god you have it written here.
You know, in case you’d ever FORGET something like this.
xo
Alexandra recently posted..Don’t Make It Like I’m The Only One
Yes, it appears the hermit lifestyle is the only one for you.
Jen recently posted..I have Made Morning People
thats classic! truly! I have a 2 yr old also..who proudly exclaimed in walmart LOUDLY…” Hey Momma dont you need those big tampons to put in your butt?”..and another fond one I recall…”Momma look THEY HAVE VAJAYJAY CREAM” that would be in all caps to try and show how loud it was…I currently either try to leave her at home or go in cognito…got to love those kids!
Oh gosh..I die. So funny!
Dear God. I remember seeing that string. Hilarious.
Strings hanging from your butt? WOW! That IS awesome!
Just think, when she’s a teenager, you can mortify her in the dressing room of Anthropologie. The circle of life.
Suniverse recently posted..Well, *I* thought it was hilarious.
I know. I’m making notes now to remember for their teenage years. It will be brilliant.
Thank you so much for sharing that!! I am laughing my head off!! My son’s an infant now, but I’m sure that I’m in for it when he becomes a toddler.
Hahaha! Oh, how I needed this today!
No Freaking Way!
Once again, the saying “Truth is Stranger than Fiction, was proved in a big way!
Dara Dokas recently posted..Why Geek Dads Are Great For Girls
Dude. Having a string hanging out of your butt IS fun.
And I’ve always thought your nickels were very nice.
I’m just sayin’.
Anna Lefler recently posted..50 Shades of CHICKtionary
Why thank you. I quite like my nickels.xo
Ohmygoodness DYING!!
Galit Breen recently posted..Motherhood Mantras
My gosh, I thought the beaver story was appalling (in the best possible way). This one may, just may, top it. She is a master.
Pamela recently posted..Just keep me away from the mirrors, please.
Oh my god. She did NOT say that! She is absolutely hilarious. Any chance your husband is planting these comments just to torment you? I am dying at her choice of words, “fun”.
I kind of love Astrid. Yes, 2 year olds are damn loud. I am never taking my kids shopping with me…ever.
Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..Green Smoothie Challenge
I already wanted to take Astrid while her big sisters were away at camp but now that I know she can keep all of us entertained, I want to throw the first bid in!!
What a treat to have this 3rd daughter of yours be so amazing! She seems like the perfect blend of all you in your family with a whole lot of spice added in! xo
Kristen recently posted..The Evil Stepmother
hilarious!
My little one isn’t quite as vocal, but last week at my office he announced to all my coworkers “mama make big poop!” after we went to the restroom. Oh, dear…
Nickles are “nibbles” at my house… and her dads look like Hershey Kisses… LOL…
HA! That is what we get from having toddlers with MUCH too large a vocabulary. This made me shoot my drink out my nose…and I thank you for it.
My kids pinch my gut on a regular basis and laugh uproariously at the jiggle that is all my daughter’s fault in the first place. Heathens.
Duffy recently posted..Shifting
I started laughing as soon as I read the title. What could be better than the beaver story? But oh! She trumped it. She did.
Lady Jennie recently posted..French Strawberry Tarte
Bwahahaha! Oh, I so wish I couldn’t relate, but I can. One time my son told me I have a tummy like the ones on TV; just as my head started to swell, he clarified, “Your belly’s like Spongebob’s!” Thaaaaanks.
And your daughter is a-d-o-r-a-b-l-e!
hollow tree ventures recently posted..You’re Grounded (from yogurt)
Oh ouch! Kids – thank goodness they are cute!
Serves you right for wearing thongs at your age. Shame on you Fuzzy Butt!
Dana
Dana @ Bungalow’56 recently posted..Balloons: End Whining, Bickering, and Overall Boredom
[...] Mum, a.k.a. Tracy Morrison, wrote a post called “Better Than a Beaver Story” which made me laugh so hard I literally peed in my pants. Tracy has a knack for sarcasm and wit [...]