Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.
– T. S. Eliot
I always wondered how people decided they don’t like something when they’ve never tried it. Maybe their dad didn’t like it so they just assumed they wouldn’t either? Maybe their mom was a terrible cook so they just needed it prepared well for them. Maybe they just didn’t like the color.
Eloise communicated as a very young toddler that she was firmly against any fruit or vegetable, or basically any food that wasn’t in the ‘tan food group.’ Shortly after she made it known that she wanted nothing to do with competitive sports, having other kids in her personal space bubble or pajamas without feet.
So I put either a vegetable or fruit on her plate at every meal that she had to try, made her try soccer and baseball, set-up a multitude of play-dates and bought lots of tank top and short-set pajamas because I wanted her to be sure, really sure, that these were things she didn’t like.
Because while these things might be annoying, they weren’t going to kill her.
And I wasn’t going to let her decide she didn’t like something without ever trying it. Maybe again and again and again because I’m annoying and persistent that way.
So she now eats fruits and vegetables, has more friends than I’ve ever had and hates anything on her feet. We’ve finally given up on team sports though. Somethings I have to just let go(and secretly I’m totally okay not sitting at any games).
******
We went to an amusement park this week. Our first trip to a big park with huge roller coasters. And Eloise is tall enough to ride them all.
I love roller coasters. I don’t expect my kids to love roller coasters just because I do but I think they should try them before they rule them out.
So I made Eloise go on a huge roller coaster with me. She was not happy. The whole time in line she kept saying “I’m really not sure about this” and “I’m kind of mad at you for making me do this” and “I’m not going to like this” and “I’m really scared.”
I was honest with her “the first hill is like nothing you’ve ever felt before and is very scary…but over quickly” and “you might love roller coaster once you try one” and “thank you for being so brave and trying this” and “will you hold my hand?” and “please don’t hate me for making you do this but if you have to hate me..only hate me until the ride is over.”
And I almost had to sit on her to keep in the the car. But the thing about roller coasters is that they only last about a minute. And it’s a minute that you will either remember as one of the most terrifying experiences of your life that you will never repeat but that you did it and will live to tell your children about it, or it will be the start of knowing what fear looks like and kicking it’s ass to China and back and knowing you are ready to do it again and again because living a fearful and worrisome life is not much of a life.
And she did it. She hated it. She maybe sort of kind of yelled at me for the whole minute. I thought she was going to come out of her skin on that first big hill and I had to convince her that the ride just got easier after that and by the time the ride ended she was fine and not completely mad at me anymore. We got off the ride and she said she never wanted to do it again. I told her how awesome she was that she tried and that because I’m old now I nearly peed myself on that ride.
Several hours later she mentioned that maybe she’d like to try a roller coaster again.
Being a parent can be such a strange role sometimes. I don’t want to be that parent that pushes their kids to do anything. But I don’t want my kids to make judgements about something that they’ve never experienced. I want them to have an open mind and take risks.
And if Eloise has decided to never go on a roller coaster again I am totally cool with that but at least she has an experience to base that on. It was totally worth her being extremely mad at me for a few minutes. I can accept that risk. Just like she used to yell at me for putting carrots on her plate with she was two.
Now she asks for a bag of carrots in her lunch everyday.
******
Do you encourage your children to try new things? Even at my age I need to focus on trying new things. There is so much to do in this world.
Ah yes, that line between pushing and encouraging is hard to see sometimes. I feel the same way. I don’t want my kids to write something off before they give it a chance. I want them to not like something because they have tried it and decided that it’s not for them, not because Sally down the street said it’s stupid. Sometimes parenting is just hard.
Delilah recently posted..A Lesson in Trust
I know it’s so hard to even know what to push and what to let go.
I’m just taking notes and I’m just going to do what you did with your kids – because I am clueless and I don’t even know how to handle a toddler who wants to beat up his baby brother.
Yes, send chocolate.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..There Is Light
Oy, hugs and chocolate my friend. xoxo
::scribbling notes on my notepad:: This is SO hard for me. I dislike intensely when Hope tells me she doesn’t like something when she’s never. even. tried. it. once. So I take notes from wonderful you.
christine recently posted..How To Get Out of Doing Yard Work
I sort of have the opposite problem. K eats only fruit.
Oh and I’ve got G in swimming lessons right now and he HATES it. He doesn’t like to have his eyes/head/face in the water so we (me and his instructor) are struggling. I hope he doesn’t hate me someday for making him learn to swim. ;0
Elaine recently posted..About this photography thing…
My kids hated swimming lessons. Tears and fights and I forced them to do it. Now they love swimming. So glad I stayed on them to do it no matter how much it hurt us all.
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Breakfast for Dinner – Yay or Nay?
It really is such a delicate balancing act. Right now my kiddo is a toddler so it is relatively easy, but I’m sure it will get more difficult as he gets older.
The Mommy Psychologist recently posted..I’m Done Sleeping With My Husband
She looks determined and smart. After awhile, I would start to believe that she knows what’s best for her. Although I would insist on the vegetables too! Soccer, not so much.
m.
Mark recently posted.."She works hard for the money"
Oh yes – she’s a smart one and will figure it all out – but I still won’t feel bad making her try a few roller coasters now and then. xo
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Breakfast for Dinner – Yay or Nay?
I get all up in my kids’ grills about trying things. Not allowed to quit before you even try. I have to say though that, I’m feeling Eloise. You and I will never amusement park together. I don’t do roller coasters and I yell when people make me.
dumb mom recently posted..You Actually Can Take the City Out of the Girl.
Now I have this urge to take you on a roller coaster! (insert evil laugh)
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Breakfast for Dinner – Yay or Nay?
I’m not a risk-taker AT ALL but I try to push out of my comfort zone for my kids. I think they probably have helped me try new things more than the other way around.
BUT I am all for the the fruits and veggies.
try foods? yes. Different sports and activities? yes.
Clothes and roller coasters? not so much.
because I can’t afford therapy for 4 kids and myself….
and mom’s the most important…
oh, and cleaning puke off of myself is not this bitch’s way of enjoying a theme park..
Not a Perfect Mom recently posted..#EclosBeauty Giveaway!
Oh god – I didn’t think about the puke -but that would likely just fly into the face of the person behind us, right?
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Breakfast for Dinner – Yay or Nay?
Izzy chose to eat chickpea curry this weekend. While still tan, I’m so proud of our far our girls have come!
I know – think of how timid they were!
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Breakfast for Dinner – Yay or Nay?
I want them to try things.
Every time Abbey tells me, “I don’t like it,” after she’s tried something (food, activity, etc.) I reiterate that trying new things is the important part and that I’m proud of her.
And then I have her do it again. Some things stick, some don’t
angela recently posted..Happy Memorial Day
I’m glad to say I never had the veggie refusal (in fact, I’m glad to say they actually request veggies. Even the 2 yr old. Right now he’s really into raw broccoli). But I have, of course, had them say they didn’t like couscous. Um, I’ve never made it before, so here’s a spoonful. It’s hard trying to push without pushing too hard. It’s like cabbage. My daughter hates it. Oh, I still put it on her plate, but I know she has tried it and genuinely dislikes it. Sometimes I make her squash instead while the rest of us eat cabbage (but that is only where the squash needs to be cooked b/c I am so not doing the different meal making shit).
Also, I LOVE ROLLER COASTERS! My oldest daughter is tall enough to ride everything now too, so I’ve already told her this summer it is ON!
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We have always been in the “try it before you say no” camp, and we often make Charlie do things for a while before he can quit. I think it is SO important to stand your ground, as evidenced by the fact that while Eloise was TERRIFIED at the time, she later said she might like to try it again. And I am betting at school today she is proudly telling her friends about the AMAZING roller coaster ride she had with her mom!
I have said it before and I will say it again Tracy, as a mom, YOU ROCK.
And I would never be a night crawler picker if my dad hadn’t forced me to help him when I was a little kid….
maybaby recently posted..surprise!
Okay – I will NEVER touch a worm! (Don’t tell Eloise)
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Breakfast for Dinner – Yay or Nay?
We are big on trying new and daring things around here, including roller coasters. Granted, my kiddo has always been a daredevil and loved kiddie coasters from 2 and up, but we have dragged him (not kicking and screaming, but unsure) on the big boys now. My theory is if he’s tall enough, he’s tough enough. The best trick–fast pass. No one (including me, because I am turning into a chicken in my old age) has a chance to worry and second guess. He has always ended up loving the rides we drag him on…with one exception: Expedition Everest @Animal Kingom. I though it was a regular “easy” Disney coaster. Nope. Once all the lights went black and we started hurling backwards, I reached up, patted his shoulder, said I was sorry, and laughed. He lived.
Kerry Ann (aka Vinobaby) recently posted..Wild Locations: Trifecta and Write On Edge Prompts
I have an anxious, cautious, fearful oldest (verdict is still out on the youngest, but she appears to be a damn daredevil) and it is challenge, but I always force her to try new things. So far she’s learned she likes the foot bath at pedicures and that most toilets are no louder than ours at home when they flush.
My mom asked me if I thought it was my parenting style that changed to make the younger one so fearless, but while I know I am more relaxed, um.. no. It is just her personality. I know some day I’ll be convincing her to ride the scary rides, so that she knows what they are like.
Amelia Sprout recently posted..Feed the Baby
So true – it’s amazing how you can parent the same but your kids are just so different. Mine are so different. I don’t think it’s all that uncommon for the oldest to be a bit more cautious either.
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Breakfast for Dinner – Yay or Nay?
I’m stuck on the part that she likes fruit and veggies now. Promise this will happen some day?
Poppy recently posted..No Ambien for my Four Legged Friend – Adventures in Dog Sitting
I know, right? Seriously when she started eating watermelon last year I actually cried. lol
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Breakfast for Dinner – Yay or Nay?
I’ve never been able to swallow that whole ‘I don’t like this’ mentality, especially when one never ventures outside their comfort zone to try ANYTHING new. Snapping the mind shut at a young age, and never having anyone encourage you to just ease it open a little and peek through is remarkably sad. I have a SIL like that. She just allows her daughters to say ‘I don’t like that.’ about ANYTHING they want and she’s all ‘Oh darling, it’s ok that you don’t like that.’ and that’s just fine with her.
I have encouraged my son from the time he could understand me to try everything that comes his way, because he will never know if he doesn’t. He has always been given a small portion of food and encouraged to eat just that portion, even if he claims he hates it. Now he’s the 18yo kid who devours everything in sight. We did the sports thing too, and he landed on basketball all on his own. Now he’ll go anywhere, do anything and consider everything because I always stood by encouraging him to ‘just try it’. It’s how we raise children to stand on their own and live with an open mind. I wouldn’t want anything else for my child.
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You are such an amazing mom, my friend. I hope I can mother even half as well. xoxo
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Breakfast for Dinner – Yay or Nay?
hummmm First let me say I’m glad it worked out for Eloise. I don’t remember growing up in a house were the word “dislike” and certainly not “hate” was ever used. So we ate what was put on our plate and played outside “out of site out of mind” (which I realize is not entirely possible these days). One thing I grew up fearing was water – no swimming for me!! Leave me alone. I tried to be brave but was a miserable failure at it and had some embarrassing moments. That in itself is interesting because we camped and fished. I never wanted that for you and Troy. So I was bound and determined the two of you would learn to swim and swim you did. Not remembering anything Troy was fearful of – YOU on the other hand – it was worms! Not sure how that happened but I’m pretty sure it was from “your other life before this”!! I’ve learned since you have been out on your own you are a RISK taker and I’m proud of that:)
I still remember our first swimming lessons..oh my gah how I hated those.
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Breakfast for Dinner – Yay or Nay?
Tracy: I have seen your persistence in having the girls try different things. Whether it be eating, sports, of any kind, plus dance, plays and camps. Eloise right now, being the oldest, has changed the most in what she will try and even consider trying including food. Exposure, and trying something, are the spice of life. All of us are continually learing. You have learned that the younget 2 would eat every bit of fruit in the house before you or Eloise get a chance. The differences in your children will always be there, but at least you know they have been exposed to the new and different, hopefully they themselves will continue this into adulthood. Thanks for letting me watch and help when I can!
Love you all DAD
The rule in my house is that you can’t say you don’t like something unless you try it first. I think it’s great that you brought your daughter on the rollercoaster. Even if she didn’t like it at first. You never know unless you try!
I agree that you need to try new things – I love new things. But I draw the line at sky diving and going on any ride on top of the Stratosphere in Vegas.
I went to the top of that building, but I am very “pee in my pants” afraid of heights.
Yes! You got it! They have to try everything in order to know what they’re all about.
And I’m all for risky business, as long as it doesn’t involve prostitutes, wild parties and breaking family heirlooms.
Lady Jennie recently posted..Young Lady’s Prayer
LOL – okay totally no prostitutes!
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Breakfast for Dinner – Yay or Nay?
This brought tears to my eyes.
How I wish I would have had a mama like you.
xo
Alexandra recently posted..The Trinity Complex
I VERY much needed to read this. As a kid, my parents made me do things THEY liked, but actually told me, “oh you wouldn’t like that” about stuff they didn’t like (um, roller coasters because my mom hated them. So I thought I hated them until I went on one my senior year of high school and FELL IN LOVE).
I never know what to do with my boys. On the one hand, I absolutely hated my parents for MAKING me do team sports for YEARS until I finally had to embarrass myself by not participating when they put me on teams so they would get the point..
And I hated that they told me NOT to do things they thought I would think were scary.
I like this approach. Don’t dismiss unless you try it.
And don’t discourage just because YOU don’t like it.
Thanks for this post, Tracy!
Katie recently posted..a scheduled life is a clean life
I think that is such a great point not to discourage our kids away from things we don’t like. xo
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Breakfast for Dinner – Yay or Nay?
Two thumbs up!
You and I . . . I think we’re a lot alike with our approaches. And you are soooo right that sometimes the parenting role seems “weird.” Counter productive to a parent role. Pushing them when they don’t want to be pushed instead of nurturing. Remembering when to show mercy when they need it, even if we’re hopping mad.
Tough stuff, parenting. Not for the faint of heart.
Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..UGH. Teacher Gift Time
Trying new things is scary but it has to be done!
Jen recently posted..The Secret of Field Trips
I only ever make it to an amusement park once every couple of years, even with Hershey Park almost, literally, in my back yard. They’re expensive, and my kids are seriously small.
But, because of that, the first roller coaster climb grows fresh each & every time I experience it. And it’s awesome.
I already know that my daughter is going to be all gung ho about the first roller coaster we offer to take her on. She already lives life without fear, and there seems to be no thrill great enough for her. CJ — I think he’s going to be like Eloise — cautious at first, taking a lot of convincing, seemingly hating it right off the bat, but learning to love it.
John recently posted..Where I blame the weather for my general klutziness
Oh, I can so relate to this. My oldest sounds similar to Eloise – hates trying anything new. Hates doing things that he loves if it’s in an unfamiliar setting or with a new teacher. It’s such a fine line between pushing and nurturing and sometimes I worry that I push to far and hard. But doesn’t some nurturing require pushing and encouraging to try new things and expand horizons?
Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..Finding Time for Fitness – Part 2
Such an important topic. I’m pretty much in the same camp as you. I push my son harder to try new things because he’s simply more willing. But I have to tread lightly with my daughter. She is much more receptive to things when they’re her idea versus mine – especially if it’s something new. So, for example, she still can’t ride a bike without training wheels, even tho she’s nearly 7. She tried it once, hated it and refuses to try again. Refuses, actually, to get on a bike again.
This is incredibly frustrating because it affects not only her, but the family. We can’t go on bike rides, thankyouverymuch. But I’m giving her space on it and know that eventually she comes around on this stuff, will have her own BRILLIANT idea to do what I asked her to do 3 months ago, and then she’ll ace it and move on.
So I think it depends on the kid – how much to push, and how much to nudge, and how much to sit back and wait.
gigi recently posted..The Silent and Unnamed (but well-dressed) Enemy
Raising hand with a 7 year old girl who I know CAN ride her damn bike but WON’T ride it because she thinks she is just not ready. I would do just about ANYTHING to just go on a family ride this Summer. GAH!!!!!!
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Breakfast for Dinner – Yay or Nay?
Totally agree with your approach Tracy —
Though I never serve my kids peas because I hate them. I’m assuming when they get older, they’ll seem like an amazing delicacy.
On the other hand, we do make them try new foods, veggies, etc. — then typically bribe or reward them for “scarier” things (trying out for the school musical, lacing up cleats, jumping off the high dive, running for school treasurer, and yes, riding a roller coaster). They know we value risk-taking (we’ve actually taught them mad poker skills) and have grown (oldest is 17) into confident kids who have sampled many a sport and opportunity (heavy on the word “sampled” — though a few things have stuck). At the very least, they do KNOW what they don’t like, because they did try it…
Peas a delicacy – I love it. lol
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Breakfast for Dinner – Yay or Nay?
My daughter is almost 9 and STILL only wears footed pajamas. Do you know how hard it is to find them in a size 12?
Sounds like you have found the balance of risk taking.
Robbie recently posted..There’s No Crying at the Park
So adorable. I cannot stand anything on my feet when I sleep but I saw that Target was selling adult footie pj’s this Winter..lol
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Breakfast for Dinner – Yay or Nay?
Love this post. I absolutely encourage (make) my kids try new/hard things. (And I think it’s totally okay to be annoying and persistent!
) We have a family motto, passed down from my grandmother. “Your IQ demands it.” We try new foods, learn new things, have new experiences, do something scary/risky because well… your IQ just demands it. And this life only comes around once! So Doug and I bribed our Ali last week to go down a water slide. I usually don’t resort to bribery, but sometimes I think they need it. She did it by herself and was SO proud!
Also, I came across this quote yesterday. So applicable.
“To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself.” – Soren Kierkegaard, Danish philospher (the o in Soren should have a slash through it but I have no idea how to do that on my mac). Love you Tracy.
Cath recently posted..Eliza’s Birthday Luau
Oh I love that motto – and I’m totally not above a good bribe now and then. xo
tracy@sellabitmum recently posted..Breakfast for Dinner – Yay or Nay?
I love every last bit of this post.
That is all.
Galit Breen recently posted..A Storm in the Night
You are an amazing mother! I need to take notes.
Barbara recently posted..Dear Nathan
You know what I think is cool? The fact that, at nine years old, she respects you enough to put aside her own fears and try something new simply because you said so. I think that right there is a testament to your philosophy. There’s a difference between being pushy vs. being firm; between scarring your child for life vs. not allowing them to go through life motivated only by fear. And I think it sounds like you’ve struck just the right balance on the latter.
I want to be just like you when I grow up.
Kristin @ What She Said recently posted..By Any Other Name
Aw, thank you. I promise I didn’t sit on her to make her do it – but maybe I thought about it.
. xo
You need to call me on the phone every single day so that I maybe kind of a little bit stop hating talking on the phone.
Or better yet.
Just text me.
LOVE you.
And I hate trying new things.
XO
julie gardner recently posted..I don’t mean your kid, of course
I have a child that lives with an extreme amount of fear on a daily basis. Everything we do has to be discussed and planned to the nth degree. It drives me insane, but I try to be understanding about it. When she tells me she is “scared,” I simply ask her, “and how do we conquer that fear?” “Face it.” That’s right baby. Tackle it head on. I’m hoping my dealing with this now by the time she is an adult she will be extremely fierce.
Jennifer recently posted..Unexpected
I think the food thing can be so tricky because it can so easily turn into a power struggle that you can not let your kid win. I was the worst as a kid. I lived on peanut butter and honey sandwichs or pasta with butter. And my mom never made an issue of it. She wouldn’t make me any special meals though. I did first have to try a bite of what she made. If I wouldn’t eat what was for dinner, I was on my own. Eventually, I got less picky with the minimal of fights. I never won that power struggle which was a good thing. It is so hard though when they won’t even try something and you have to wheddle and whine.
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