I live by the Golden Rule of respectful parenting – and that rule is “I’m doing what I need to do to parent my kids and I believe that you are doing what you need to do to parent your kids so let’s just stay out of each others business.”
Now there are many parenting moments I hear and see and I just walk on by just as I would expect someone else to do for me – unless I believe grave harm is/could be done. That is not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the basic things – like eating organic vs. McDonald’s or discipline or spoiling or making bad fashion choices.
I do believe that we are all doing the best job we can for our kids. So keep your nose out of my business.
Well I jumped into somebody’s parenting business today at the mall and the words just spilled out of me before I could stop them from coming out and I had no idea who I was, who had taken over my body, nor if this other mom would let me live. Here I was taking on a complete stranger in the mall bathroom no less and with my three kids standing at my side.
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We had all just finished going to the bathroom and I washed my hands and Astrid’s hands. After washing hands I stood with Astrid in my arms facing the row of stalls as I waited for Eloise and Esther to finish their washing.
Three stall doors opened as a mom and her two young kids finished going to the bathroom and they all started walking out of the bathroom and past the sinks and OUT OF NOWHERE I said(just like I would say to my kids) ‘aren’t you going to wash your hands?’
And then I wanted to die because I could not believe I just said that to complete strangers.
And the mom said “mind your own damn business” and the little boy said “we don’t have to wash our hands when we only pee.”
And they walked out.
Then Eloise said “I cannot believe you said something to them!”
And I said to my kids “You know – they are now going all around this mall touching things that WE are going to touch and other people are going to touch and I just feel it’s irresponsible. That is how people get sick…but maybe you’re right..I shouldn’t have said something.”
But now I wonder – because even though it’s really not my business what she chooses to teach her kids…isn’t it kind of my business as we are sharing public space with them and their non-washing could get my kids sick?
So what say you internets…was I wrong to say something? Should I get a potty police button to wear? Maybe I should just stop going to the mall?
Good for you! I would’ve done the same thing. That’s a public health problem (in addition to lazy parenting). That’s how disease is spread. And even if that mom thinks her kids’ tinkling doesn’t warrant hand washing, hasn’t she noticed how many fixtures in the bathroom her little germ buckets have touched? Gross. They are going to get sick and they’re going to make other people sick.
I think you did the right thing!
Thank you. I know public bathrooms are gross anyway and we touch everything that we have to with a paper towel and still use anti-bac gel afterwards. We followed them out of the bathroom and the first thing the girl did was go get a drink out of the fountain and I wanted to yell “HER HANDS JUST TOUCHED HER BUTT AND NOW THE FOUNTAIN AND HER MOTHER DIDN’T MAKE HER WASH HER HANDS@!!!!” but I didn’t.
I might have said the same on any given day. Some days I’m mute and then some days, it just slips out. My office building is full of people I don’t know. And I have commented on occasion to women who just walk out of a stall and go toward the door. The only time I’ve regretted it is when I said, “The sinks do work” to a woman and she said back, “My foot’ll work in your ass too.” I see her occasionally and she always rolls her eyes. A couple of weeks ago she was manning a bake sale. THE HELL I LOOK LIKE BUYING BAKED GOODS FROM YOUR NASTY HANDED ASS? If you don’t wash at work, there’s no telling what you do/don’t do at home.
So, no. I don’t think you were wrong. If she were a hulk of a woman I might have wanted you to reconsider unless you had mace, giving her the “you disgust me” face, but seriously, sometimes things just need to be said, no justification needed.
OMG butt cookies!
on the contrary… you should have taken it further!
Ruin restaurants. Ask the kid if he likes McDonald’s.. then tell him that you heard the people who touch his food at McDonalds and in the school cafeteria feel the same way… but also with #2.
ok… don’t do that.
LOL – it would be funny though.
I would have said something too so I love that you did. xo
Way to GO! I think you were brave & totally within the limits of proper decorum & mall potty etiquette. I have thought the exact same thing before, but been too meek to say something, only to have one of my kids announce, “Why did they just leave without washing their hands?” I honestly try to avoid public restrooms if at all possible, I am totally not a germaphobe under normal circumstances, but I feel my hands need washing just walking into a public restroom. One of my friends posted something similar on FB a few weeks ago & someone commented they felt the sinks were too dirty to wash hands, but I disagree & think you can wash hands carefully & turn the water off & open the door with a paper towel…thus not re-germing your hands. JMHO
I’m not sure I was brave – some rage just took over my body for a moment. I’m glad I did it though.
Heck no, I would have totally stood by you and gave her my own disgusted look. People like that are why we have so many e coli and other disease outbreaks, those kids will grow up thinking that its ok, and they could be touching your food at a restaurant, or packaging your foodstuffs. Those are also the same people who are continually sick and then infect my kids with whatever disgusting germ of the week, causing us to loose time or become seriously ill if you have a compromised immune system. All because they are too lazy to take a minute and wash their nasty hands. Probably also the same people whose grubby little kids like to drip snot on everything they touch too. Unfortunately those people are everywhere and they LOVE to touch everything.
I am by no stretch of the imagination a germaphobe, but some people are just nasty, and make me want to carry around a blacklight or something
Okay now I don’t even want to eat out anymore. lol
I think they are gross people. They should wash their hands even if they peed. Good for you!!!
Ewww! I am not sure I would have said anything but I would have wanted to and I think it is good you did. It is a public health issue.
Truth be known – none of them probably EVER wash their hands! You did the right thing. If nothing else one of them will think about it next time!! They will NEVER share the story about the lady in the restroom that couldn’t believe they didn’t wash their hands….and actually said something to them
Right, Ginny. If you’re comfortable not being sanitary in public, you are downright chillin’ at home with the non-handwashing (#1 or #2), raw chicken on the counter, open-mouthed coughing.
Those people are clearly too stupid to figure out what to do after they use the bathroom on their own, so you were really doing them a favor.
I think I would have not said anything. But I would have explained to my child the IMPORTANCE OF WASHING YOUR HANDS AND TEACHING YOUR CHILDREN THE RIGHT THING TO DO and I would have said it that loud, too.
xo
Usually I’m brilliant with keeping to the more socially accepted passive aggressive comments so I did shock myself when these words came tumbling out. I am glad that I did it now though.
Back when I used to work at a restaurant for the side cash, I can’t tell you how many times, I almost said, “PLEEEASE” or “We Say Please when we ask for something” as a gut reaction to people demanding things.
“I want X” or “Give me Y” or “Get me Z”
–I know a lot of people don’t use good manners these days, but some are down-right demanding, and I don’t even think they realize it.
Whenever Eleanor said any of the above, I got so used to correcting the manners, that it almost slipped out several times with customers. lol!
The reaction of the other mom, eh? Poor hygiene, rudeness and mild profanity. I learned the hard way not to say anything to complete strangers about their kids even when it’s a public health issue. At least yours was an accidental blurt and not a true interference. Maybe one of those kids will take a health class one day and remember you years later.
That doesn’t seem to be me like interfering about parenting choices. That seems to be interfering about health choices that affect all kinds of people. I think that is totally reasonable. Not only is it disgusting to think of those people walking around the PUBLIC mall, it’s just disgusting to think of someone using a public bathroom and not washing their hands…(even if they are only peeing? is that a thing? I don’t think so) … because hello, pubic bathrooms are like the grossest, most germ-infected places ever. Ew.
Oh my – you are so brave! I always think those things but I am too afraid to speak up. On a side note – I knew there was a reason I wash/disinfect my hands immediately after leaving the grocery store or mall… yuck!
gross, thats just gross. Thank you for saying something…I’m so grossed out.
So that little boy touches his penis to pee and then just walks around the mall?
See, Tracy.
This is why I don’t go to the mall.
(Not really. I hate shopping and have no money to spend. But now I’ve got a REAL-er reason: Penis germs. Etcetera.)
p.s. Good for you.
I know – where ‘Penis Hands’ are so much worse than ‘Jazz Hands’ any day.
Men who don’t wash their hands after peeing make me ill. GROSS!!!
Dude. I woulda reminded them that maybe they only peed but wouldn’t ya know, pee has germs and so does everything they touched. Ew ew ew. Wear your badge with pride.
I wouldn’t have said anything to her. I prefer the passive aggressive mode of saying to my own kids, “It’s so gross that SOME mothers don’t think their kids should wash their hands after they go to the bathroom” or something like that.
I’m usually much better at being passive aggressive. I’m not sure what got into me.
Good for you! I probably wouldn’t have said something but I avoid confrontation like that black plague!
Maybe now she’ll think about it though!
That is one of my pet peeves, and I always say something because it is gross and they should know it! I’m glad you said something!
I bet she’ll think next time about making her kids wash their hands, that’s for damn sure!! ha! I love that you said something but I probably would have just had “judgy” thoughts in my head and kept quiet.
I like to think that I can be accepting of choices other parents make, but sometimes I just can’t. Somethings (like the non-hand washing and probably a zillion other examples) make me crazy as another parent’s whacked out choice can negatively put my kids at risk. Way to speak up, I would have been too chicken. It may or may not change the other parents and kids behavior but will certainly make a lasting impression on your girls to see you willing to go out on a limb about something important.
Don’t you love those moments when words force their way out and skip over the filter of politeness?
I *kind* of get the attitude of “it’s only pee” – especially on terrible-I-am-up-to-here-and-about-to-explode days of parenting. But public restrooms are gross anyway, and if kids are taught that it’s okay to NOT wash in some circumstances, then they’ll (logically) transfer it to other situations.
Either way, telling you to mind your own damn business is rude. And at the very least she could have been polite about responding. Or made something up like “We use our own anti-biotic wipes, thank you very much.” Or maybe that was the case?
Thanks for the laugh. I give you credit, whether you meant to say it or not.
Sometimes I’m that mom, we totally don’t wash in public spaces…because I use hand sanitizer…I hate public facilities
No, no … you can’t say anything. You can only think it and grimace inside. But it’s like throwing pearls to swine. They will only hate you for it so no one is better off.
Unless of course you really did feel better for having spoken up, in which case it’s worth it.
Ewww!!! I’m cracking up that you said anything but glad you did! I’m not sure I’d be brave enough to say something, but they totally deserved it. That’s just gross… and who the hell teaches their kids to only wipe after poop??
I think it’s perfectly OK that you said something. because I bet next time, when she’s in a public bathroom with her kids, she’ll remember what you said and tell her kids to wash their hands.
Saving the world – one neglectful Mom at a time!
omg I can’t believe you said something! I would have never. Though I love that you did.
Honestly, the MOA is such a cesspool of bacteria I doubt these four unwashed hands will make the greatest difference =)
Have you watched “Contagion?” OMG I wanna bathe in hand sanitizer!!!!
Sometimes it is hard not to say something. Perhaps your words will make her think twice next time. I am somehow extremely grossed out by the logic that you don’t have to wash after you pee? And “mind your own damn business” around kids? Excellent.
I probably would have blurted out the same damn thing especially since my family now considers me a germaphobe. What really gets me is I sometimes feel like we’re back in the dark ages because so many people never wash their hands, EVER!!! I want to remind them that washing hands was the biggest medical advance but what can you do, really? I’ve even had people come to my house from the airport and when I gently say, “so you want to wash up before we have dinner?” they say to me, “Oh, I’m good.” AAAAGH!!! So thank you for saying what I say to many people in various situations. But sorry you got that horrible response.
I love that you said something.
I would not have had the guts to.
But I love that *you* did.