I’ll tell you what hurts my mother heart the most.
It’s seeing one of my children being the worst at something in a group of kids. Week after week after week watching in pain for an hour as the other kids leave my kid in the virtual dust. Watching my kid struggle and fall. Watching my kid not progress and move-on to the other levels. Watching my big kid look like a huge kid now that they are with the little kids who have moved up to their level. And now those little kids are even better than my big kid.
And I ask her weekly. ‘Do you still like it?’ ‘Do you want help?’ Do you want to continue?’ and mostly ‘Are you having fun?’
And weekly she says that she likes it and is doing fine and what am I talking about because she is having fun and is making new friends and truthfully she spends more time giggling than practicing, and she doesn’t even seem to notice the other big kids moving up and away.
She is just doing her own thing. And that makes her happy.
Which is enough.
So why should it pain me when she really doesn’t even care about all that doing better than or as well as everybody else stuff.
So tonight I sat in the stands again and watched for an hour. Tonight was THE night where they have the tests again to move kids up to the next levels…..and I held my breath and my heart and reminded myself of what she told me…that she loved it and was having fun.
So as I mom I needed to just let it go. Let her go.
But when I saw her skate like I had never seen her skate before and watched as her instructor gave her a hug and a ribbon and a patch and scooted her off to the next level with the other big kids…I sobbed. Like ugly sobbed in the stands. Because that child owns my heart.
****
I ran down to the benches after the buzzer and waited for her with her boots in my hands. I picked her up immediately – skates and all wrapping around my middle – and squeezed her tight and told her how happy I was for her and how well she skated.
And she said to me ‘either way it went tonight it was still fun.’
I cried even harder then.
That wise child who owns my heart.
This is all kinds of beautiful because her attitude is so precious and so rare. And you have a hand in that. Be proud of your daughter and be proud of yourself.
Thank you, Stephanie. One day I hope I can explain to my kids how they make me cry – the good cry – nearly daily. And then maybe they won’t make fun of their sappy mom. xo
Beautiful… I know just what you mean
May your wise child stay the same way forever. Knowing that it’s the participating that counts, not winning. xo
So well put, Alison. Agreed.
Perfectly said, Alison. Perfectly said.
They teach us so much, so easily, so effortlessly.
None of my kids are competitive. I am not either. I do love that for them.
This was absolutely beautiful. It made me want to go hug kids (even though they are asleep and would be mad at me, lol). Seriously, great article, it was very touching.
Thank you – and yes, please never wake a sleeping kid – even for a hug. lol
Oh how beautiful. I had to hold back a little sob myself. What a beautiful, beautiful child she is. And oh, how my mother heart already hurts sometimes and I don’t know what I’m going to do when situations like this come up. Sigh. The emotions of a mother’s heart.
It still amazing me how I feel things so deeply for another soul. I guess that is what makes me a mother, right? Or crazy.
My heart ached as I read this. I can totally identify and made me think about how much of my expectations and insecurities I impose on my kids at times when really they could care less and are having a blast doing whatever it is they are doing. Your daughter is one wise little girl and you should be so very proud of her.
Thank you. This is such a hard lesson for me. As a parent I want them to excel at everything they do..which is such a ridiculous expectation really. Thank you for the kind comment today. xo
There is nothing more heart wrenching than what you describe. I’ve been going thru this for years with multiple activities. Desperately I wish he’d be the best at something. But they always teach us what us important, don’t they? Great post Tracy.
So true – everyday they teach us what’s real, don’t they? Sob.
Wise and lovely, that heart of her’s.
(And yours.)
Love this post!
Fantastic. What a lovely heart that little girl has. May she always know what’s most important.
oh sweetheart, that was lovely. thank you for sharing this little moment with us. #sigh
Sometimes I hate the way that you can reduce me to tears with such a simple story. Then I realise that I’m fortunate to have stumbled across your blog and wipe the tears from my eyes with a lighter heart.
Beautiful post.
Thank you, Jo – for truly making my day. xoxo
“I feel your pain”. And your love.
m.
p.s. sorry about that emotional comment. Sometimes I just can’t help myself.
Kids have a real knack for seeing the important part of things that we grown ups have forgotten how to see, right? I know your pain though as I watch my 10yr old son cry every week after his team loses games. I think he’s moving into the losing-sorta-takes-the-fun-outta-things phase of life and it’s hard. Really, really hard.
This is when I hate that they grow-up and perhaps lose interest in something because they are not great at it. I know I did. And now regret it. xo
What a great post. I so can relate. It’s definitely hard to watch. We’re starting that now with basketball and my son.
Lovely. Just lovely. And I feel your pain/pride so much. We just finished a gut wrenching season of basketball with the same situation.
Oh hugs. Heartbreaking truly. xo
Ah this brought tears to my eyes! What an awesome girl you have! You are doing a great job as her mommy!
Thank you. I’m learning. Everyday.
I know that this will be my struggle! What a great post.
Oh my heart – so beautiful! Yes, that is THE hardest thing, isn’t it?! I would have been doing the ugly cry right with you, sister.
It probably won’t be until they are parents before they will fully understand that their mothers are not insane because we cry about things, right? lol
If only all children (and grown-ups) could have this attitude.
It would hurt my mother heart to see my child struggle at something. But knowing that she is confident enough in herself to continue and have fun with it and eventually persevere would make it swell.
I was never like that. I was timid and self-conscious and unwilling to keep trying. And whenever I think about this, for what seems like the 137 billionth time since Lil’ Bit was born two years ago, I once again think to myself, “I hope she’s not like me.”
I am also so much like you.
My eldest is like me. I’m hoping my middle will continue to just enjoy life.
I was on the edge of my seat, hoping that is what you would say. What an awesome kid. And awesome Mommy.
She is truly amazing. What a wonderful way to see the world and meet its challenges.
Beautiful.
You and her and this. Just beautiful.
Oh yes. We had our first softball practice last night, and my girl just does not seem athletically inclined as the other girls. She didn’t seem to mind. Afterward she ran up to me and said, “Mom, did you see that one really great catch?” It didn’t bother her at all that she missed it all the other times. She had one really great catch.
And now I could write about this, but I would feel like I was copying. Maybe I’ll go with inspired. You definitely changed my outlook. Or maybe your girl did.
It is hard to watch and sit-back. It is. I wish I had the outlook of these beautiful kids.
And..write away my friend. xoxo
Oh, so beautiful it makes my heart ache.
You said it all in your title, my friend.
She and Sawyer are kindred spirits. It’s tough to let it go, but that’s what are kids are for – to teach us stuff like this.
Love you! xo
Oh, how I love your wise, wise girl! She just stole my heart.
I just love your girls…
and are you talking skate like figure skate?
record it, I’d love to see
Yes – ice skating! Good idea – I will take a video – just for my friends in the Sunshine States.
Tracy, you’ve certainly done something right in this parenting game.
I’ve wondered about competition with my kids, a lot (far more than I probably should). How I want to instill a love for whatever the kids are doing — have it always be about the love for that, and not for getting good or beating anyone else. That stuff will happen, organically.
But, I know I was never truly able to learn that lesson as a kid . . . yet it sounds like your little girl gets it.
Heck, I’ve never met her, and I’m pretty freaking proud of her.
Thank you. Kids will continue to amaze me and outdo anything their less than perfect(me) parents do. xoxo
I hope your daughter continues to have that amazing attitude. What a gift. My daughter is 10 and is just now starting to compare herself with others. It breaks my heart. It also doesn’t help that her school environment encourages it with constant testing, assessing and teachers putting the high achievers on parade! I remember when she was younger and she and a friend put on a show. The friend has perfect pitch and could belt out “Tomorrow” from Annie with such precision that I feared my kid would completely retreat and give up. But she didn’t. She sang a Nat King Cole song, off-key, with her whole heart and when I looked over at the other parents, they were all in tears. As was I.
You’re doing something right! Thanks for sharing.
Oh that is beautiful. Such an incredible story. I hope my daughter can hold onto this for longer. I know how easily it can slip away.
It’s the best you could ask for that despite not being the best she still manages to have the best attitude. That’s a hard thing to learn (even as an adult). =)
It is seriously amazing what our young children can teach us, if we listen. You listened.
This makes my eyes fill with tears.
And I’m laughing at the same time because I was the big chubby ugly ducking 12 year old in a ballet class full of 6 years olds. But I didn’t have the wisdom your daughter had.
I was also the awkward 13 year old beginning dancer. Seriously OMG.
This hits so close to home I can’t even comment right now. Because I make fun of people who cry while they comment.
(Not really. I just make fun of me.)
Anyway.
I will tweet this post now because guess what?
It owns my heart.
(And you, too.)
Thank you for the love and tears. I cry a lot.
And now my grandma is confused as to why I am getting all teary over my phone
This is lovely, and she IS wise. I’m glad she finds joy in it (and it sounds like she always will find joy in the important things.)
I love everything you write and share with us. I know hw hard it is to step back and let our kiddos just make their own decisions or find their own way while our hearts squeeze and want to make it all ok.
You captured that emotion with every word here.
Your daughter is a well-adjusted young girl. She will carry that with her through life. . .it’s a gift more precious than any thing you could give her.
Wonderful!
Regards,
Darlene
Oh this pulled on my heart strings! Yes, it is so hard when they aren’t quite making it- but what a wonderful moment. So so happy for you
I’m glad you didn’t get cut with a skate when you picked her up.
I’m glad she’s a better sport than most adults.
I know right? Dangerous sport. xo
Another one to bring me to tears … seems to happen almost every post of yours. Your heart is so beautiful, so pure … and to see it take shape in the hearts of your daughters leaves me absolutely speechless. You have a true gift Tracy …
What a precious heart! And yes, so very wise! Happy tears here, too!
She’s a very wise child indeed. You must be so proud.
[...] I know I have so much to teach you, but I also have so much to learn.This post was inspired by Sellabit Mom whose precious girl helped me have a new perspective.I’m linking this post up with Parenting [...]
love this.
ahhhhhhhh – sob, sob
I shared this with every mom I know; and got some seriously “like” responses! This one made me cry.
You are too kind. Thank you! xoxo
So much to learn from them, we just don’t pay attention enough!