It’s so typical these days. Astrid sits on her little pink potty. I sit on mine since I’m in there anyway. However mine is not little nor pink. Which kind of sucks.
Her knees almost touch my shins because our bathroom is so small. She smiles at me and says “you hear that mommy?” as her pee hits the plastic potty. “Mommy I’m making yellow pee!” she yells. “What are you making today, Mommy? Yellow pee or brown poop?”
Sometimes I find myself sitting alone in the bathroom. For two seconds until the knocks happen. “Mom, where is my pink headband?” “Mom, can you find the good glue for this craft?” “Mom, where is my homework folder?”
And then they crack-open the door a bit “Mom, can I call a friend to come over?” “Mom, come play with me!” “Mom, I cannot find this matching sock.” “Mom, did you buy bread?”
“Honey, where are my keys?”
Moments later I emerge and say “Eloise, I’m getting in a shower. You are in charge for these ten minutes. You can cook, you can clean, you can work the TV, you can do just about anything but drive…NO ONE TALKS TO ME FOR TEN MINUTES UNLESS THERE IS FIRE OR BLOOD!!”
Hot water running down my body. For 15 seconds. The voices are outside the door at first…
“Mom, can we make toast with Nutella?” Mom, the pencil sharpener is broken.”
The door cracks open. I feel the cool air.
“Mom, can you straighten my hair?” “Mom, can you sew the waistband in on these pants?
The shower curtain gets pushed aside. I scream “WHAT, WHAT – JUST TEN MINUTES! THAT IS ALL I ASK FOR! ”
“Sorry Mom, but have you seen my red marker?”
******
I get that kids need to tell/ask/say/yell/blurt everything as it comes to mind.
Don’t we all?
So maybe it would be easier if we all just pooped and showered together from now on.
We’ll need a bigger bathroom.
My husband locks the door. Somehow i can’t bring myself to do it. Pee commentary and cool drafts— just part of motherhood, I guess.
I know – my husband poops by himself for like an hour a day without interruption. I guess he doesn’t know where the good glue is either since no one needs to bother him.
One of the big reasons I went back to work was that I thought I could go potty alone again, but since I work in a school, I still have to share the bathroom with other teachers at best, and depending on my location in the building, with students. Gross.
Somehow I do think sharing with a toddler is a better deal.
Just today, the toddler walked into the bathroom as I was brushing my teeth. He stayed while I showered.
Pooping alone is like…. so last year
Great way to think about it – We are like cutting edge poopers!
So. We only have one bathroom, 3 year old twins, and an 18month old. Hubs poops alone. Me? I’ve always got company. We poop together and share life stories. One of the kids on the “frogger potty” and me on the normal.
Here’s what I want to know….
1. Will this continue forever? Like – will they be 18 and still pooping on Frogger while I take a poop on the regular.
2. Or the question that haunts me… will they someday kick me off the big pot and I will be resigned to “frogger?”
Lord… I need a second bathroom.
Kristen
LOL – best comment FTW!
Ha, ha. Yes, we have the open door potty time too. Somehow, my husband manages to get a looong time in the bathroom, but I, like you, am lucky if I get 10 or 15 seconds. And my little one will just stand by the shower, hold the curtain open (let the air get nice and cold), and watch me shower. For the entire time.
PS. When did Astrid start using the potty?
Well at 18 months Astrid was very excited about the potty and I thought would be trained early – but when she turned two she informed me that the potty sucked…but I told her otherwise.. So now at nearly 2 1/2 she is completely trained.
Oh man, I know the cold air that comes with the pull-back of the shower curtain ALL too well… ugh.
It is with great smugness that I read your pooping post. I have said goodbye to these days with great happiness. The throne is mine and mine alone. You have much to look forward to my friend.
Dana
So much bliss to look forward to…
As a granny who left potty days behind long ago, I wish for you a child like one (of 3) of my grandchildren. When placed on the little plastic potty, she asked for the door to be closed “for privacy, Mommy.”
My 9 year old asks for privacy – I think I need her to teach her 2 year old sister about this awesome concept.
My 2 y/o is potty training. So now when she bursts into the bathroom , I at least get a Bravo! Good job! when I go
I love this so much – yes I love when Astrid tells me that I did a great job..and also reminds me to wash my hands.
Hee! Yes, it would definitely be easier that way! xo
This sounds so familiar. Such a sense of dejavu from this post. Hmmmmm….OH, that is because this is my day. Exactly. And I kick myself for all the times I could have had privacy whenever I wanted it and din’t bother. You know, before the children came along
Simultaneous pooping? Well now you’ve gone too far.
So funny; we’ve done it too! You eat together, you poop together; it’s a family event, ha! Good times, right?
I need to get a sign for my bathroom that says that..maybe “The family that poops together stays together?”
xo
This is SO my life. Yesterday I had a minor breakdown because I could not get one.single.moment and marched passed everyone yelling “I am taking a shower, all by myself, no one come near the bathroom.” The only one I scared away was my husband, the kids are fearless.
Fire or blood. Yup, I say that, too.
Not that mine pay attention either.
I love that your wrote about this. Just yesterday I was wondering if and when it would start to bother me that I can never potty alone! When did it start to bother you? DS is 12mo and I’m still cool with him being right there.
I think it started bothering me when they started talking a lot and want to know/talk about/analyze everything about your body and what you are doing. lol
My sweet girl will come into the bathroom and say, “mama you need your privacy,” shoo the dog and cat out, and shut the bathroom door with her inside. Clearly she’s exempt the privacy rule.
Okay, that is adorable. xo
With 3 kids I can hardly picture a bathroom big enough. And with my kids it would not matter anyway because they would all be huddled around my legs while I did my business no matter how big the room.
And showers, well, we take them together just so I an get everyone washed without sitting in that nasty bathtub together. It’s quick and easy. But we do have a big shower.
Yup, I feel your pain. My youngest has to ask questions. “How many pieces is your poop Mommy?” “Are you finished yet Mommy?” “Can I see it Mommy?” “Do you want some wipes Mommy?”
Can I see it – LOVE that question.
Oh yes.and I grew up in a house where we didn’t close the doors…so I don’t care about people walking in, but I do care that when I am trying to shower/Shave my legs (which I do everyday) that I have to contend with crazy requests….”mommy can I have more milk?” …”Yes when I get out of the shower..” “BUT I WANT IT NOW!!!” ..”Gio, I’m IN THE SHOWER!!!!!” “I don’t care. I want it now…I’m thirsty now.”
I may have put water in that cup….from the shower….
just sayin.
loved this. xo
I agree, if we all just bathed & used the potty at the same time no one could be off looking or needing anything else than what is already right there in that room. Pure Genius!!
I haven’t gone to the bathroom by myself in 5 years.
As a mom of kids… no matter what age…. they will always be there to need something or bug you. It’s their right… or so they seem to think. And geesh… why look for something that probably right in front of them when they can just ask you!
I can relate to every single thing in your post. Except for this:
“Can you find the good glue?”
The GOOD glue.
Yeah. Here we just have glue.
Or duct tape.
Other than that, I say Hooray group poop!
As long as I get the pink toilet…
I know – there is good glue. Well there is sucky stick glue, elmers regular glue, craft glue, and hot glue here. Not sure which is better than the other…;)
This post just echoes the voices and chaos in our household. Why can’t I have 10 minutes????? Aaargh!
I have one in particular who really needs to say every passing thought, no matter how minute. I suppose I should drink it in because one teenage day I won’t even get the benefit of the carefully filtered thoughts.
Glue comes in different grades? Is there “best glue?” is this like “big glitter?”
I learn so much from reading this blog…and the more I learn, the more terrified I am to be a parent.
I’m really waiting to hear “you drank too much yesterday, daddy, your poop smells horrible” from one of my kids in the very near future.
OMG that would be awesome. lol. Don’t worry that day is coming.
Also yes – supposedly there is good glue..just like there is big glitter. You are thinking about starting a craft blog aren’t you?
HI, im only new to the world of blogging, and in my travels i landed upon your page. Quite entertaining
As a mother of 3 myself its always nice to see more mums with a sense of humour! 
Cracking up that even Jed interrupts you while you’re in the bathroom.
I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t even close the door. Unless I’m pooping – then I lock it. Some things are just sacred.
Last night there was a half hour window between Cole going to sleep & Chessa’s bathtime. So I said to my husband and my daughter, “mommy’s going to go take a bath, OK” and my husband said to my kid, ‘Do you want to go help Mommy take a bath?” Silly silly man.
Lucky for him, she said no.
Oh so sad that you are so right! Just ten minutes occasionally that is all we want.
Now that my daughter is older, she doesn’t come in . . . as often. But, my dogs come in ALL THE TIME! What are they checking? That I’m still around? Or maybe it’s that they have a captive audience!
I poop alone but not without the endless pounding on the door and the whining for something
I think that going to the bathroom alone is something that only happens in magic land. It is not real.
I’m all on board with the “unless there is fire or blood.” And I have no problem cranking the music and locking the door.