The Mommy Wars are moving full steam ahead this week after Anderson Cooper’s ridiculous perpetuation on air of the SAHM vs. the WOHM vs. the OMYHELLSAMIAMWHOGIVESASHITWHATYOURCHOOSETODO.
I seriously cannot believe people still talk about this. Or why moms continue to judge one another on how we each choose to raise our children. I read the comments on the Baby Rabies Facebook page and I feel sick. Why should she be attacked for something that she chooses for her own children?
Alison at Mama Wants This summarized it perfectly today ..”that motherhood is not a war between women…”
But then I got to thinking…sure I don’t judge your choice to breastfeed or bottle feed, nor your choice to co-sleep or to put your newborn in a crib, nor your choice to feed organic or to feed Doritos. No, I really do not care…
..what I do care about and when I put my MsJudgeyPants on is WHY oh WHY do you drink white wine instead of red?
Do you not know that red is best?
Or why do you part your hair in the middle instead of the side? Do you think you are Marcia Brady? Do you understand that some of us more round-faced girls can’t wear a middle part? Do you know how that hurts us?
Or those of you with your regular bikini wax appointments. Do you not know that men talk about this and my god the pressure we shavers or ‘natural the way God intended us to be’ have to now be baby-butt smooth? Can we not go back to the early 70′s in this camp?
Or you moms who don’t drink coffee. Really? Oh “blah blah blah I don’t need coffee to help me get through my day..” Oh I know you’ve got some other vice hiding behind your kitchen swinging doors. Don’t give me that. Drink some coffee!!! Or my god, you green tea drinkers. Puhlease.
Or you perfect wives who dote on your husbands. Come on now…I just want to know..do you give him the finger to his face or behind his back when he eats the last brownie from the pan?
Or you moms who actually throw away your kid’s half-eaten Mac-n-Cheese away. This is wasteful…it is our job as moms to finish the plate as quickly as possible while standing at the sink and hoping the kids don’t catch us.
Or those moms(me) who read People Magazine or Us Weekly or InStyle or PeopleStyleWatch instead of the books.. What are you(me) teaching your children?
Or you moms saving all that money at Walmart and their lower prices when don’t you know there’s a law that we shop at Target. Damn red bulls-eye and the brand recognition of children.
Or you moms driving your cool SUV’s like “oh I’m not going to be weak and buy that Minivan even though I know it would be so much more convenient..but I’ll be damned if I can be one of ‘those’ soccer moms…” Oh the SwaggerWagon set has you all figured out…
Or those moms who watch HGTV and talk obsessively about their home projects and yarn and craft-stuff and Martha Stewart and glitter and crap…when in reality you are envious of those(me) watching Dance Moms and Toddlers and Tiaras and do not own glitter.
Or those moms who don’t have to wear spanx or don’t admit they wear spanx. Do you not see me dying over here holding my breath to keep my tummy tucked in?
Now these are important judge-worthy subjects.
Now pass me that bottle of Pinot Noir so I can throw it at Anderson Cooper as I’m pretty sure he’s a white guy.
Dearest Tracy,
I want to know if it takes you all day to compose your masterpieces? Please don’t tell me it is done in a matter of minutes. If you do, I will feel incredibly untalented in writing.
I, for one, marvel at working moms. I don’t know how they do it. I’m exhausted being at home all day. To think about coming home after work and doing everything I do during the day after a full time job, that makes me exhausted to even contemplate.
Like any good Mormon woman, you know my caffeine of choice is Diet Coke.
I don’t like thinking about the bikini stuff. My face goes red simply writing this.
You can be sure no food gets wasted here, unless it’s fruit or vegetables. I always finish my childrens’ plates, too often!!!!
Love Your Utah Friend,
Tina
Tina, The funny thing about blogging is that the quick, easy to come out because you don’t even really need to think about it…because you feel it. You ARE it..like this post..truly take me 5 minutes and they will always be the most read posts because the readers can feel that you just totally meant it as it just came tumbling out. It’s the forced posts that take all day because the words never seem right..those are the bombs. And then I get sad because I spent all day on crap. gah.
I love a good Mormon who drinks diet coke and doesn’t wax.
Thanks you sweet friend.
Love you.
When it comes to wine, I’m a swinger. But at least that way we’d have more bottles to throw at Anderson Cooper, right?
There will never be glitter in my house. Or play-doh. Ugh, I hate that crap.
I knew you were a swinger. Also – I love you for your stand against glitter and play-doh.
HAH – looks like we both ranted on the same topic today – though I much prefer your more humorous spin on it. I just kinda…ranted!! I am mad at Anderson for giving this any attention at all.
Oh off to read yours. I guess I just cannot get mad about this because it’s just such old news – and while I get why he is doing it – Media sensationalism – I wish the mom’s would not give him the time of day and instead just lighten up a bit and enjoy what they have. And drink red wine of course.
Did you just call the dude a White guy? That’s like saying he cannot dance. And everyone knows mother is only as strong as her double shot latte…
No one can dance like Ellen can dance.
[...] latest faux pas but my favourite response post thus far is from Tracy at Sellabitmum.com who wrote: Mommy Wars – Let’s End It Over a Glass of Red Wine. Go click on Tracy’s post now and let’s forget this whole thing ever happened. [...]
I think I want to hug you.
My name is Amy. I only drink red wine, wear spanx whenever necessitated (like today when wearing a sweater dress), often tell my husband off in front of people, break out in hives when I even see a WalMart, drink too much coffee, and eat too much mac-n-cheese (and it’s never homemade). BUT I refuse to drive a minivan, watch daytime tv or read People magazine (or the like). We all have our standards though I never judge anyone else’s!
Great post!
It’s like we are twinsies. Where can I send that subscription of People?
Oh man I’m a white girl only because as much as I ADORE red it hates me in the morning…and mornings are tough enough.
I don’t like pain… so no bikini waxing here. Also, we don’t own glitter. I hate the mess.
I will, however, admit to driving a SUV. I love it. There is plenty of room for my kids to sit in it without touching each other.
People still get bikini waxes? I moved on to laser years ago. So I’ll be snooty about that while I drive my minivan to Target.
Must.check.out.lasers. Kinky.
I dream of a minivan. Hate Spanx with a passion, muffin top be damned. Do not have a Target but still do not set foot in WalMart if it can be avoided at any cost. I get to eat a lot of Mac and Cheese because my kids don’t like it, oh well, more for me. As for wine? I totally swing both ways
You hussy and your wine drinking ways…
YOU are a genius!!! This is so funny I actually peed my pants a little..
not that I’ll ever admit that
Spot on. This was so funny. Now, those are judge-worthy concerns.
Women who drink red wine are 900 more times to be alcoholics. I made that fact up to support and encourage WHITE WINE DRINKER EVERYWHERE.
Well thank goodness that when I see you next I don’t have to share my bottle with you. xo
You could argue Anderson Cooper under the table.
You go, Tracy! Seriously.
Aww, thank you. xo
Pour me a glass of Cabernet and I won’t care if you’re a SAHM, WOHM, WFHM…whatever. I’ll just call you friend.
xoxo
Exactly. Perfect.
Red is gross and white is not quite as gross. Can’t I just have some Pepsi (which I’m not allowed to have because it makes me fat)? You are my favorite person right now.
Okay, Pepsi for all! Thank you so much. xo
Love this but what about those like me who don’t like wine, red nor white? LOL
I might love you. Also? I’m totally that SUV driving mom who REFUSES to buy a minivan.
I promise I only drink white wine when it goes best with what I’m eating or it’s really hot and I want something chilled. Nothing makes me more upset than seeing so many of my fellow southerners serving chilled red wine in the summer.
As for coffee in the morning? I think I actually might need crack but that’s not legal and it rots your teeth out, so coffee it is.
(great post!)
Right? Who decided that crack is bad for us?
This is brilliant. I loved the beginning, and for a moment I thought your post ended at “red vs. white,” but then it JUST. GOT. BETTER! You made me laugh out loud more than once—I thank you for that. You rock!
Oh I am so glad I made you laugh. We all need to about this. ..and judge those who can pull-off a center part.
This is awesome. It is so ridiculous to keep comparing ourselves. We certainly don’t need encouragement from dreamy mcblueeyes
I know – why does he have to be so hot. He can be hard to hate.
Red red red. Red red. Red. I gag on the white stuff and have convinced myself that only alcoholics and hookers drink it. That said, I totally drink the white stuff when we run out of red in the house. Because I always keep some in my fridge. For the alcoholics and hookers I know.
Best comment FTW!
Yay! I win!
Cheers!
Absolutely love this thread AMAZING thank you so much for sharing
Ahhh red. I love red. And I put ice cubes in it, while wearing lip gloss with glitter in it, while NOT driving my mini-van because hey…..I’m drinking.
I LOVE THIS! PS. I’m a white girl. And? I drink white wine.
White on white. I guess I’ll still be your friend.
Dang! I LOVE this. Brilliant writing my friend!
And for the record – red or white, box or bottle, $2 or $70, I don’t discriminate
LOVE! I have an HHR, it’s like a station wagon, but not (I could really use the space in a van though!)
I don’t discriminate red or white. I embrace all wine.
This mini-van shit, I’ll be an SUV girl always. With 2 kids {and 2 only} we simply don’t need to swaggar.
I just gave in to the swagger. I love it with 3 – but did feel my coolness factor drop just a bit.
Love love love this post
Only one question….where does leave the beer drinking moms?
Beer drinkers kind of beat the rest of us because it means you are uber cool. xo
I don’t know what else to say other than I love you. And yes on the red wine thing…I can’t even choke the white down for show. Seriously.
Pour me a glass of red and pass the mac and cheese. But I do now feel bad when my hair slides to a middle part…..I think I look more like Jan though.
Well Jan has always been my favorite.
We may not agree on cats and dogs, but we agree on red wine, T. What’s your favorite? I like a nice cab or malbec, and Cupcake wines has a fun red called red velvet.
Love a Cab or a Pinot Noir or many Old Vines. LOVE Cupcake wines.
[...] in response to all this Mommy War business, but my favorite by far was by Tracy at Sellabit Mum: Mommy Wars–Let’s End it Over a Glass of Red Wine. She added much-needed brevity and laughter to this ridiculous situation. And reminded me of [...]
Woohoo! Hooray! Yay! Awesome and all that! Way to give us some perspective!
HILarious! Loved this post! I am an SUV driving, GLITTER FILLED HOUSE, Eating the macncheese over the sink, people reading MOMMA! ANd proud of it. Love your post!
Sending you condolences about the glitter.
Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!
Oooh, I’m a total sucker for US and People magazines… they’re the best kinds for ahem, ‘bathroom’ reading
Pinot Noir, eh? I knew I liked you!
Also? You make me laugh.
You absolutely KILL ME. I LOVE this.
PS- Red wine bitches.
Oh darlin, dear heart sweetie pie…
I will admit to times of having penis envy because I got my period… but…
Spanx, No Thanks… and thank God I never had to worry about it. I just went from a teeny tiny size 6 to a medium mommy of about a 10 if I work at it.
I opted for a 4 door sedan when I was carting my kiddie around… they didn’t have miniv’s when he was small or they were just starting out and were ugly.
And yes… I whine for wine… but I don’t actually need it…
And the best part about being a Mom is that I can be myself… The End.
Carla K. recently posted..Ring, Ring, Beep-Beep-Beep, Clickety Clack