The Mommy Wars are moving full steam ahead this week after Anderson Cooper’s ridiculous perpetuation on air of the SAHM vs. the WOHM vs. the OMYHELLSAMIAMWHOGIVESASHITWHATYOURCHOOSETODO.
I seriously cannot believe people still talk about this. Or why moms continue to judge one another on how we each choose to raise our children. I read the comments on the Baby Rabies Facebook page and I feel sick. Why should she be attacked for something that she chooses for her own children?
Alison at Mama Wants This summarized it perfectly today ..”that motherhood is not a war between women…”
But then I got to thinking…sure I don’t judge your choice to breastfeed or bottle feed, nor your choice to co-sleep or to put your newborn in a crib, nor your choice to feed organic or to feed Doritos. No, I really do not care…
..what I do care about and when I put my MsJudgeyPants on is WHY oh WHY do you drink white wine instead of red?
Do you not know that red is best?
Or why do you part your hair in the middle instead of the side? Do you think you are Marcia Brady? Do you understand that some of us more round-faced girls can’t wear a middle part? Do you know how that hurts us?
Or those of you with your regular bikini wax appointments. Do you not know that men talk about this and my god the pressure we shavers or ‘natural the way God intended us to be’ have to now be baby-butt smooth? Can we not go back to the early 70’s in this camp?
Or you moms who don’t drink coffee. Really? Oh “blah blah blah I don’t need coffee to help me get through my day..” Oh I know you’ve got some other vice hiding behind your kitchen swinging doors. Don’t give me that. Drink some coffee!!! Or my god, you green tea drinkers. Puhlease.
Or you perfect wives who dote on your husbands. Come on now…I just want to know..do you give him the finger to his face or behind his back when he eats the last brownie from the pan?
Or you moms who actually throw away your kid’s half-eaten Mac-n-Cheese away. This is wasteful…it is our job as moms to finish the plate as quickly as possible while standing at the sink and hoping the kids don’t catch us.
Or those moms(me) who read People Magazine or Us Weekly or InStyle or PeopleStyleWatch instead of the books.. What are you(me) teaching your children?
Or you moms saving all that money at Walmart and their lower prices when don’t you know there’s a law that we shop at Target. Damn red bulls-eye and the brand recognition of children.
Or you moms driving your cool SUV’s like “oh I’m not going to be weak and buy that Minivan even though I know it would be so much more convenient..but I’ll be damned if I can be one of ‘those’ soccer moms…” Oh the SwaggerWagon set has you all figured out…
Or those moms who watch HGTV and talk obsessively about their home projects and yarn and craft-stuff and Martha Stewart and glitter and crap…when in reality you are envious of those(me) watching Dance Moms and Toddlers and Tiaras and do not own glitter.
Or those moms who don’t have to wear spanx or don’t admit they wear spanx. Do you not see me dying over here holding my breath to keep my tummy tucked in?
Now these are important judge-worthy subjects.
Now pass me that bottle of Pinot Noir so I can throw it at Anderson Cooper as I’m pretty sure he’s a white guy.