My first mistake is setting the coffee pot timer. The steaming and dripping starts at 5am.
At 5:01 the cats are walking on my head.
At 5:02 the cats are biting my toes.
At 5:05 the cats are running across the room jumping upon the bed at each pass and using my body as a launching pad.
At 5:10 the cats are meowing loudly acting like they are dying. Their meows threaten waking the kids.
At 5:15 the cats figure out how to get under the covers and have a full-on WWF match on me, under me, beside me.
At 5:20 the cats start climbing the blinds and/or curtains and/or shades and/or walls and seem to be swinging from side to side and leaving scratch marks down the walls.
At 5:25 the cats find a favorite stuffed animal of Astrid’s and start using it as a sacrificial lamb and rip it to shreds on my head and laugh an evil cat laugh.
At 5:30 I rise and go downstairs and pee first which seems to annoy them further, and as I am getting their food they rub against my legs and purr and act like they are the sweetest beings in the whole world just because they want food and I am the means to food and they seem to forget what assholes they were just 5 minutes ago AND I fall for it.
Every damn morning.
******
This “cat waking man” video has been around for four years but as a cat owner it never gets old as THIS is my life.
Seems as if there is a coffee timer, they’d be able to make a cat food timer and it would solve all your problems. No need to thank me.
Brilliant! I promise not to make a million on the invention without mentioning you.
The video just made me snort, hee hee!!
I feel ya, sistah. I had 2 cats who would claw at my bedroom door every single day at the same time, always a minute before the alarm rang. And if I let them in, they’d be sitting on my head in no time.
I kinda miss them now.
As annoying as they are – yes I would miss their sweet little cat butts.
That little video is hilarious! I have one cat who is incredibly irritating every morning as well. He starts around 5:30, so not quite as early as your kitties!
And that is why our cat goes outside all night long.
I will not be woken up by a cat, kids yes. Cat… hell no!
Yes I miss our outside cat – but he died a horrible outside death so now we sit here with lots of guilt and annoying inside cats.
The video makes me miss my cats. They did the same. Every. Damn. Morning. My husband is allergic and although I’d be willing to force him into walking around puffy eyed while scratching and struggling to breathe in a face mask…no.
It’s a trade-off – somedays I like my husband better, but most days the cat still wins.
Our cat feels that the appropriate place to sleep (once the weather gets down to 30 degrees or below at night….otherwise during the summer she leaves us alone) is right between me and DH’s head. If there is not quite enough space (or if said cat deems the space to small for her liking, or god forbid if DH and I are actually sleeping snuggled up to each other) she will choose one of us and tap.tap.tap.tap.tap on our heads until we groan, curse her, roll over and leave her the happy place she wants to sleep in. Aren’t cats wonderful?
That is hilarious! tap.tap.tap
Cats are certainly their own breed! This post makes me miss the mornings when I had my own!
I had a cat (aptly named Moxie) who used to sit on my face to wake me up.
Gross.
I loved that damn cat.
So sweet – gross but sweet.
Our cat is, surprisingly, well-conditioned with eating. We leave a large supply of dry food out, where the dogs can’t get it, and she only eats a little now & then (I think it’s because she prefers hunting for mice, but she’s a very ungraceful cat, so she seldom catches any).
My alarm goes off, usually, at 4:15. One dog tries to wake me if I choose to go back to bed at this time. The cat (usually outside) cries, loudly, to come in, adding a level of urgency to the one dog who really, really, really wants to head out for his walk. So, I hop around, get myself dressed, pee (hoping that this doesn’t anger the one dog for delaying our walk so that he’ll pee in a corner because he’s pissed at me), let the cat in, get the leash, head back upstairs to get the other dog (who would rather sleep in, thankyouverymuch) and then out the door.
Of course, as soon as the dogs eat – the cat yells, loudly, to be let back outside.
OMG I am exhausted. Maybe you should just have fish?
This is why my husband made me get rid of my cat. He was fed up with the cat waking him up and not our newborn. Go figure.
How have I never seen that video before? Thank you for bringing it into my life. As the owner of a VERY vocal cat, I can totally relate. Except Boo tends to do the same thing at night… AFTER he’s been fed… while I’m laying on the couch attempting to watch Gossip Girl. He just stands there on the floor looking up at me and meowing. I invite him up into my lap, but still he stands there meowing. Always with the meowing. What the junk? If he has food, clean toilet, and the waiting lap of a person who’s already wide awake and willing to scratch his furry head, what more could he possibly want?
I mean, besides opposable thumbs.
I think they bitch at us because of the thumbs issue. Totally.
Thanks for giving me more reasons to not like cats
.
This is one of THE main reasons we have no felines in our house. That and the hubby’s “eyes seal shut at the sight of them” allergies…
Love the video though! HA HA!
Ha! I would feel lucky that I have dogs. Except my dogs would put Marley to shame.
OMG I love that video!!
My cat used to be this way, too – he was relentless in the morning… we got him just as our kids got old enough to sleep through the night and sleep in a bit in the morning, and then suddenly there I was, up at 5am because of the *&%( cat.
-xo
-Ellie
Another reason why I am not a cat person.
If I even THINK about getting up before the alarm to pee, the loudest of our two thinks it’s wake-up time and begins meowing and stepping on my head. We kind of thought he’d mellow out with the later sunrise these days, but not a chance. Mike is on cat duty Su-Th, I am Fr-Sa. This is fair. Completely.
Trade the word “dogs” for “cats” and the word “f’ing assholes” for “assholes” and I feel you.
Indeed I do.
Also, I’m freakin’ tired.
You know. Having been up since 5:00 and all…
Yes, at least I don’t need to let them out to pee. Although I have cat litter and cat poop in my home. ewwww.
Remove claws!! It’s one thing to have “inside cats” – another to let them have the run of the house. Sorry for the early wake up time….just when Astrid is sleeping longer:( You wouldn’t allow the girls to do all of that would you??? Not those sweet girls:)
And here I was kinda thinking about getting a cat…:)
I’m suddenly very glad to have a stupid dog.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! This was fantastic! I found your link-up on the EO. Glad I did.
I keep the bedroom door closed just for that reason. I hate morning cats. HATE.
hilarious. that used to be me too. darn cat! she now has a new family though… i bet they just looooooove her! (and curse me!)
OMG, when will cats get opposable thumbs, WHEN?
I think you should explore that in your next book. I also now think of you as “the cat lady” Sorry about that.
My husband is dying to get a cat. I will show him this post ASAP : )
I so get that. I miss having a cat so much
Oh, how have I not seen that video, HILARIOUS! And spot on!
Our cat just skips any of the gentle meows & goes straight for the sounds-like-he-is-being-skinned-alive screaming meows at the first sign of anyone stirring in the morning, even if you are just shifting in the bed. He’s like some kind of horrible alarm that is set off by the slightest movement, you practically have to hold your breath while sleeping & don’t even think about getting up to use the bathroom!
My cat does this every morning.
It`s unbearable.