My first mistake is setting the coffee pot timer. The steaming and dripping starts at 5am.
At 5:01 the cats are walking on my head.
At 5:02 the cats are biting my toes.
At 5:05 the cats are running across the room jumping upon the bed at each pass and using my body as a launching pad.
At 5:10 the cats are meowing loudly acting like they are dying. Their meows threaten waking the kids.
At 5:15 the cats figure out how to get under the covers and have a full-on WWF match on me, under me, beside me.
At 5:20 the cats start climbing the blinds and/or curtains and/or shades and/or walls and seem to be swinging from side to side and leaving scratch marks down the walls.
At 5:25 the cats find a favorite stuffed animal of Astrid’s and start using it as a sacrificial lamb and rip it to shreds on my head and laugh an evil cat laugh.
At 5:30 I rise and go downstairs and pee first which seems to annoy them further, and as I am getting their food they rub against my legs and purr and act like they are the sweetest beings in the whole world just because they want food and I am the means to food and they seem to forget what assholes they were just 5 minutes ago AND I fall for it.
Every damn morning.
This “cat waking man” video has been around for four years but as a cat owner it never gets old as THIS is my life.