Eloise asked for her own room last year. Last year she also started having sleepovers more. Turns out ALL of her friends have their own room. Turns out ALL of her friends also ONLY have brothers. When Eloise has a sleepover here(which is so far rare..because I’m mean) we just kick Esther out into Astrid’s room to sleep on the floor or to our room or I’ve even had a sleep-over with her in the living room and we stay up late watching really bad slap-stick movies. I know that within the year Esther will also request a sleepover with a friend.
So far my best way to avoid sleepovers at my home is to serve peas instead of pizza, make them watch Disney princess movies instead of i-Carly, and make them go to bed by 7:45. Win/Win I believe yes!? This stellar parenting is what I hoped would squelch any crazy notions of having friends over all the time or asking for ones own room as they need more “space” and “privacy” for guests. The no guest policy really seemed like the best route.
Anyway, I slipped a few times and it seems kids actually had “fun” and “laughed” and stuff and now Eloise is pushing for her own room for her ninth birthday because she is like “old” and needs “privacy” and “space” and also a need to place peace sign pictures and pillows throughout her room and build a proper tween shrine to Justice.
So we’ve been dancing around this subject as I’m not too crazy about it for several reasons…
1. We have a three bedroom house so two of them will always share a room
2. Eloise and Esther are the closest in age
3. Astrid is still kind of a baby/toddler type human and I don’t think it’s quite fair to ask Esther, who will be turning seven soon, to share with a child who is still in a crib and wears diapers
4. Eloise and Esther are best friends. Truly. Best friends. I actually think Eloise would be terribly lonely without her. They don’t just share a room – they share a bed.
5. I am too cheap to buy new stuff to properly bling out this room she envisions. She has big visions. I have left-over mix and match furniture and old quilts for her. We don’t have the PB Teen budget to get a cool bed and amazing desk and the beanbag chairs she envisions. I am thinking of shabby Ikea meets the old daybed from the office a la my old desk for high school kind of thing…with at least two peace sign pillows of course.
6. I don’t want this place for “space” and “privacy” to be this place where she thinks she can go slam the door and shut her family out. We have a pretty open door policy and I still want her sisters to feel included.
7. I have a feeling that Esther may feel this same way in a few years and when she wants her space and privacy and own room – where will we put Astrid so her tween sisters have a place to cry through their hormonal issues?
8. MANY people share rooms and space and I just kind of want her to get over it. I believe my mom had four sisters in her room at any one time.
But I get it, I do. I only had a brother so I did have my own room and I LOVED MY ROOM. I lived in my room. It was my respite and my special place that was just mine. I get it….I know that feeling of wanting this…
But I don’t know how to give it to her without ever being able to offer it to her sisters too? Or do we just do it and end up doing some strange room change dance for the next ten years?
My perfect solution is to put the three of them in our master bedroom and make them all share and then Jed and I can finally have our own rooms…but that is neither here nor there.
What would you do?
I hear you. The twins share a room, which makes sense, and we don’t have any extras, but I do fear that one day they will find it unfair that their baby sister has her own room and they don’t. I don’t even know what I want for them — part of me wants them to be okay sharing a room, but part of me wants them to be able to grow independent from one another and not be the twins who can’t do anything without each other. Sigh. Parenting is hard, yo.
I recently went to a family reunion sans kids and hubby, and I was so looking forward to 4 nights of awesome sleep alone. But no. I had to share a bed with my SIL. She’s awesome and all, but I really wanted to sleep by mySELF!
LOL – isn’t having your own bed just heavenly…sorry about your SIL.
I did not have my own room until I was 19 and away in university, and I had to pay for that privilege.
So my suggestion?
I have none. None. This is gonna be tough, Mama!
I know – I have the urge to just say no.
I had 1 sister and 1 brother, and we only had 3 bedrooms in our house. My sister and I shared a bedroom until I moved out. I wanted my own room, but it wasn’t doable. I have no suggestions, none. Sorry. I am curious how you handle this though. I have 3 boys and 3 bedrooms so you’ll be my mentor!
I know – it is a much easier configuration with just 1 of a sex and 2 of the other.
That’s tough. My sister and I had separate rooms growing up so I’ve always had the independence, but we were also 6 1/2 years apart. This is a non issue in our house for the moment since we are having a second boy and they will share a room. Good luck!
Ah, what a fool I was… 2 summers ago I gave up my room (no husband) to my teen daughter. Now I sleep on a daybed in a room with a dining room table in the middle.
Still she fights with her 3 younger sisters.!!!
LOL – I say take it back!
We got a really cool bed for boo boo at Big Lots -http://www.biglots.com/browseItem/youth-1/1138 but yeah, i don’t know how you move the nine year old to her own room, maybe she gets her own room for junior and senior year, will that work?
That is a really good idea – then when she moves out Esther would be starting her jr year and have her own room!
We’ve been contemplating putting the 5 year old and the nearly 2-year-old in the same room together. They currently have their own rooms but I remember being in a room with my sister and LOVING it. Until about middle school.
I know – and that is the thing – Eloise and Esther NEVER fight -ever and love sharing a room. Love it. I’m confused by her insistent request.
No good advice here! Just a thought on sleepovers. I hate them…seriously hate them. The girls always end up waking up at 3:00 a.m. to ‘check the time’ and then getting up at 5:00 to play. I’ve tried to replace them with a ‘stay late’ which is dinner and a movie but that doesn’t seem to hold as much sway as a real live sleepover. Uggh!
I have a brother, but even we shared a room when we were younger. M & H will share and they are four years apart, once H graduates from the middle of the night nursing stage.
I say you just make them deal with it. If they share a bed, how about getting them each their own and letting her have her own “space” in a shared room? We have a 3 bedroom house, and one is an office, and will stay that way because of our jobs. They will just have to deal. I’m 34 and I don’t have my own room either…
Yes, my brother and I shared until we were 8 and loved it. I also am lobbying for my own room at 42.
I remember my mom telling me about sharing her very small bedroom with her two sisters, and only having a full size bed, the youngest had to sleep on a cot at the end of the bed!
I shared with my baby sister (I was 11 when she was born) until I was in 11th grade, then I got my own room and my brother had to share with her.
I think the idea of moving Eloise and Esther into the biggest bedroom and giving them each their own ‘space’ makes a lot of sense for right now, they are so close and I think they would really miss each other. And when Eloise is in high school Esther and Astrid will be ready to share?
I do hear that the separate bedroom deal is a big marriage trend right now…
I believe my grandparents started that trend in 1985. Love it.
you could get bunk beds.. that makes it a little more “private” and added “space”… you could do a “trash to treasure” type of makeover with pieces from thrift stores and some fabric… i’d make them share a room until they kill each other. ha!
Oh it will for sure be trash to treasure. I’ve thought about getting bunk beds for Astrid’s room and then there are options in both rooms for two to sleep there.
I am all for room sharing. I grew up always sharing a room. I didn’t have my own until I was 17 and we moved into a bigger house.
I think she’s probably going to be ticked if she doesn’t get it and be mad at you and your husband, but isn’t that what being 11-16 is all about? Hating your parents
Maybe in a few years when Astrid is older, you can change. Then when Eloise leaves, Esther gets her own room.
I don’t know…I think I’d keep it as is for now.
This is where I am leaning – and making her wait until she is at least 12.
I actually, kind-of, have my own room. It’s the basement, and I share it with the cat’s food & litter. But, well, my wife is kind-of afraid to go down there and the kids are forbidden to go down there unless I’m there to supervise. There are just too many things for toddlers to get into.
Growing up, though, I always had my own room – but I only ever had a sister. I remember my first serious girlfriend, though, shared a room with her sister – and always had. They got along fabulously…but I think the whole room strategy was her parents’ plotting to keep us from every being alone together. As we all know, the temptation to foul up a room with thread by making endless friendship bracelets was just too much when teens are alone together.
Oh the friendship bracelets I made in my teens..
Also – I think you and my husband have a very similar room. lol
We are dealing with this, too.
But, the funny thing with my boys is that they usually all find their way to each other and sleep in one big heap together. Either in one of their rooms or sometimes in the hall.
I loved having my own room growing up(I just had brothers).
I like the idea of giving them all the master bedroom.
That is seriously my vote – then I could hang my Shaun Cassidy posters and my husband can put motorcycle pictures in his.
My soon-to-be-9-year-old has her own room…..but she only has one sibling and it’s a brother, so she got off easy.
Let her try it for a month (without buying new bedding or anything). Betcha a nickel she misses Esther like crazy cakes. My kids all share rooms (except poor Stefan who is missing Ben right now, sniff)– Mary’s pink room sits empty and her bed is in Gabe’s room.
Oh I love that Mary shares with Gabe.
Not having any sisters, I can offer zero input on the room-sharing conundrum. Like you, I have a brother and therefore always had my own room.
However, re: #6, I hate to say it, but as a tween/teen, Eloise is not only going to want a private place where she can shut her family out for a bit, but she’s also going to need it. And you guys probably will, too – I know my parents did. (Dear God, the holy hormonal terror of my early teen years.)
Her occasional retreat into her place for space and privacy won’t make you guys any less of a family, or exclude Esther and Astrid in any way that’s hurtful or damaging to their relationship (which sounds awesome). And hey, if she does slam the door, just tell Jed to do what my dad always did – remove it from its hinges.
I’m telling you right now – Worst.Punishment.Ever.
Yes! The removing the door is a good one. I was never bad enough to get that but my sister was and so was my best friend when I was a teen. In fact her (my friend) and I were just talking about that the other day. She says that having to live without a door for a week was all she needed. She NEVER slammed a door again
I had to share with my sister until about 13 when we moved into a bigger house. Did I hate it sometimes? Yes, but sometimes there is just nothing you can do as a parent to give your kid what they want. What if you let her decorate half the room the way she wants? She picks paint for the walls, some now pillows, maybe some prints or posters for the wall. It would probably only postpone the inevitable but it may buy you a couple more years to decide what you want to do.
Jamie (below my comment) also has a good idea. If you have an extra closet, I’ve seen quite a few closet to reading nook transformations on Pinterest. It would be hers and hers alone. Although what would you do when Esther then wants a closet for her very own?!?
I know – she will totally need her space and we might just take the doors off before they need to be..lol
Here is my suggestion and I have no experience worthy of it being a valuable one. Just a though that came to me when reading the dilemma. Is it possible to designate another place of the house for just her. I’m thinking of like a reading nook of sorts that you might see in the elementary or junior high class room. Kind of like a tree house just for her. But inside, not in a tree. It would be known to all that it was her space and hers alone. Maybe a closet or corner of an unused room that you could somehow block off.
I can see both sides of the story but I think for your family and where you are in their life stages, giving her her own room isn’t the way to go.
But like I said, no experience to warrant this valid.
Keep us posted!
One of the things we are also consider is changing 1/2 the office we have into a place for her with a desk and lounge chair so she can escape there.
I feel for you, I would want to keep them together too but I also remember loving my own room as I grew up. Does she know she is not supposed to be growing up this fast?
Well isn’t that the biggest point of all – she is only almost nine. GAH!
My ultimate dream is to extend the back of our house from top to bottom, out to where the deck ends (we don’t use the deck AT ALL). That way, there’d be an extra bedroom and bath. The girls have asked to be separated but there’s no place for them to go right now. The boy has his own room b/c it’s just big enough for him. Someday, though…
Share, baby, share! I also have three daughters, and the youngest and middle share a room, and will continue to even though we are in a four bedroom house. I would wait another year or two, for I have a feeling that Esther will want to start sharing a room with Astrid and then maybe you can make a switch. As far as sleepovers, I feel your pain. You are like me that we have instant playdates at our house, so why add to the mix? To make sleepovers work properly in our house, every child must have a friend over, or there is definetly ganging up on, tears, yelling, drama etc. So, add that up, that is three extra girls! Not enough wine…..
Never enough wine. We really need to finish the musty basement and throw everyone and their friends down there!
The comments here were just as great as your post.
If they get along, just have them share a room. I shared a room with my sister until I was 12 years old. We didn’t know any better. Everyone around us was just as poor and we did what we needed to do.
But now, I have all three of my boys in the same room and it’s a little nuts. Only because my 11 year old is 5 years older than the twins. It makes it a little challenging. I’m thinking of moving him to one side of the finished basement. If he wants!
Fun post!
m.
I got nothin’. Mostly because I have a boy and a girl but they loved sharing the bunk beds in my sons room so much I had to FORCE them to have separate bedrooms two years ago before they got all “Flowers in the Attic” on me.
Just kidding. I wasn’t really worried about that.
They share a Jack n Jill bathroom now which is a little sticky with the different gender thing…
Nothing is perfect. I say trust your instincts and remember that things aren’t always completely FAIR but that doesn’t mean they’re not RIGHT.
I don’t know if that makes sense, but. You’re only other option is to go find that old Brady Bunch episode where Greg moves into the attic and it’s really groovy.
All life’s problems can be solved by old Brady Bunch episodes.
Pretty sure.
Is it possible for us to marry? Oh how I would devour my VC Andrews books…naughty naughty.
Also – so many times I see a tweet and tweet back “OMG it’s just like that Brady Bunch episode where Peter erupts the volcano at Marcia’s party or when Jan tries to get rid of her freckles or when Cindy and Oliver make the rabbits orange!” Then they tweet me back and tell me they were born in 1982 and have no idea what I am talking about.
You may just want to mix-it up every few years. That way, they each get a chance at having their own rooms. Elise and Nina shared for a long time, but Elise got the same feelings as Eloise at about that same age. She has her own room now, and I really think it has been good for her. She really did need some space to herself for a while. Maybe you could wait just a little while longer until Astrid isn’t so quite baby/toddlerish, and then let Esther and Astrid share for a couple years. Good luck!
This is what I am hoping…a few more years..
I think you are missing the real solution here….it’s time to get a new McMansion…with real estate prices the way they are you can pick one up cheap, not to mention the extra low long term financing that goes along with it.
Alternatively you could hang one of those hospital sheet things down the middle of the room and call it separate rooms
Oh wait! Rock, paper, scissors every year to see who get the by themselves room with the caveat that there is no redecorating other than hanging up different posters (include the little one in the game b/c its only fair 
) Or they could negotiate with each other to see who lives where…think of the life learning that could go on…on second thought that my only teach war and espionage and cost you a lot of $$$ in wine.
Good luck!
OMG I will never more to the suburbs…OMG no. Maybe Eloise can come live with you for six months and then trade out Esther?
Hahaha…love the part about you and Jed having your own rooms, perfect solution!
We have a 3-bedroom house too, and my boys share and my girls share. I’m hoping we can buy a different house before I have these issues.
Isn’t that really the perfect solution?
Sigh. That is a tough one indeed. Short of moving I have no idea how you solve this. Anyway you can divide their room in two? Either with a real wall or a makeshift one of a giant bookcase or something?
I know – I will never have a bigger house or move to the burbs..lol…so we need to deal.
This is a tough call. I only had a younger brother so I had my own room. Currently all three boys have their own room but that is because Buggy is so little and still wakes at night. The plan has always been to let the two older boys share a room when buggy gets older (since they will be on the same school schedule) but I don’t know. We might just keep them all in their own room for their own space.
Tough, tough call mama! Where is the damn manual when we need it?
Sawyer who is almost 8 shares a room with his 2 1/2 year old brother. And they will share until we move to a bigger house. My daughter has her own room and hopefully this will help her get over having two brothers.
i didnt read through all the comments, so this maybe was already suggested but i have simiar age spacing and when the older one wanted her own room i moved her two-years-younger sister to her toddler brother’s room (who is four years younger than her), and she LOVED it. gets to be the big sister, and all is good.
i know we’ll have to move ‘em around again when they get older, and like you, i hope to get my own room when we do… good luck
how ’bout you send one of them to live with me
This is the very reason that we bought a house with four bedrooms. We knew that we were going to have more children and we worried that they would fight about sharing rooms when they grew up.
I, personally, think that sharing a room teaches children to share, builds character, and inclusion. But children see it as their own space, their place to put their secrets, and to become themselves.
I get it.
I had my own room growing up and it was wonderful.
Now I share one.
Sigh.
To go back in time. LOL
I shared a room with my sister all the time I lived home. We had a four bedroom home but I had a brother and our grandmother lived with us so……..
We also had one bathroom. We never questioned having our own rooms cause there was just no way.
Suggestions:
You could make the large upstairs closet room into a bedroom or you could divide one bedroom into two separate areas using a divider or curtain. I have seen some neat ways to divide a room in mags and in NYC apts. Portable walls are erected.
Jason and Sally Miller have half their kitchen divided for the new baby’s room. Small but it works.
I like you last idea. But wait, where am I going to sleep after the wedding? ;P
This totally reminds of the Full House episode where DJ made this like presentation to show that she should have her own room and Stephanie and Michelle had to share one. That’s also neither here nor there.
I personally support that perfect solution that you mentioned because I had my own room exactly once in my life (fresh out of college I had a studio, so glamorous!) and I would LOVE having my own room again.
I worry about the time that one of them wants to move to their own room. RIght now, like your girls, they share a room and a bed. I want them to be the best friends they are and learn how to share with one another, to acknowledge that they are better together than apart. Their furniture (for now) is Yellow and was mine growing up, I know this will have to change soon enough, but not now, we don’t have the budget and they are little ….they are messing it up is what I’m trying to say.
we also have 3 BRs but one of them is our office..and I wonder if I’d be willing to move one of them into it, pushing John to …um, well somewhere else? I doubt it, I like the office, I want them to share…I’m mean too.
Everytime you write, I feel like you’re my mom mentor…you really should teach classes