My friend Molly wrote one of my favorite posts last year about funny searches that brought people to her blog.
Last week – Jill of Scary Mommy wrote a similar post that had me roaring with laughter..
So I decided since I’ve spent the week dealing with puking kids and work piled up to the ceiling and also angry cats – I could totally steal this idea without them knowing and do it for myself. Shhhh…
Here are some of the best search terms that have brought people to my blog:
I’ll take the first ones as a group – there are no less than FIFTY ways that people have landed on my blog while searching for small breasted women….
Small boobs
Little boobs
Super little boobs
Small boobs in Minnesota
Small boob moms
What if a mom has small boobs
Do small boobs matter
Sharing boobs that are small
Sharing small boobs with kids – So let’s just say that with any of these small boobs search – YES, YES you have reached the right place. I have small boobs, I have small boobs in Minnesota, if a mom has small boobs she is HAPPY if she is me, and yes small boobs also matter and YES I have shared them with my children many times. Anything you want to know about small boobs – just ask – I have all of the answers.
Why do old women get hair feathers – Well, I now have the answer to this. Old women get hair feathers if they are FREE and you’ve had five glasses of wine. Geesh, the research I have to do for this blog.
Does the Bloggess really hide in the bathroom – I cannot answer this if it’s in her own home. I am a stalker but not that kind of a stalker. You’ll need to go to her directly. But she was hiding in her special bathroom at BlogHer.
The dead Minnesota woman – Yeah, I cannot help you here. HELLO – very much alive. Knocking wood.
Can I vacuum up my kids – Now, this I also want to know. What I also want to know – if you do manage to vacuum them up – how will they fit in the bag? Also, how do you empty the bag? And where would you empty the bag?
Do I need heated seats – On your toilet, recliner or car? Well it doesn’t matter as I cannot help you with any of these.
Show me a panic face of a mom (this is what I look like when I’ve misplaced my credit card and cannot order those boots that are on sale – I know – don’t have this up on the screen with your kids in the room. Nightmares)
Talented and double jointed – why thank you. Yes, yes I am.
Does Jennifer Aniston wear bifocals – I am guessing yes as she is my age and I need bifocals but no way in hell am I buying them.
Where to buy a Budweiser sleeping bag – Yeah, you need to ask my parents this question as they are the ones who bought the one I had when I was 13. I am guessing it was a rebate program. Classy.
Can cheerios also be hula hoops – Why yes, for your pet ants and strange imaginary friends. Are you asking for a friend?
Women who look like Steven Tyler – ME!!!
Should I wear a thong in the dressing room – If you are choosing between a thong and nothing – I vote for the thong.
Pictures of Michelle Bachmann in a swimsuit - Now this is brilliant and scary. I do not have any pictures but if you do – oh please share.
My husband’s thong – I would NOT wear your husband’s thong in the dressing room. Also I would not have a husband who wears a thong.
Mother Earth is pissed off again – Well since you said AGAIN – you are really doing something wrong.
Cat obituary examples – YES – I got this one. Dead Cat Obituary here.
Should I make my kids wear underwear – YES, you have to Google this – really? I mean really?
Women who wear thongs in Minnesota – RAISING HAND! Even in the dressing room!
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Please share in the comments a funny Google search that has brought someone to your blog?
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Also – the Maclaren Stroller giveaway is still going on here!!!
Thanks for this entry…..it was just the thing I needed to read after a hard day!!!
Oh I hope you are having a better day. I mailed your MJ so that should brighten it up! xo
Most interesting from the past 30 days,
“creative deployment countdown ideas”
“pics of your mom in boots” Um. I really don’t think I want to know!
“mark wahlberg boots” Is he going to only be wearing the boots? Because I would be very interested in that too
I also discovered that I must write about Pinterest a lot because over half the the search results had to do with pinterest.
Now I would also like to see Mark Wahlberg in only boots. Do share…
This is hilarious! Women who look like Steven Tyler? Really??
Boobs and thongs. I knew I loved you for a reason.
Can’t wait to see the searches you’re gonna get NOW!!! HA HA HA!
Boobs, thongs and feathers. Turns out I’m a niche blog.
Mine are all “Pine Sol” and “Pine Sol” smell.
WTF???
LOLOL. You need to blog about Pine Sol more. Who knew?
I should not read your blog when the kids are sleeping… one of them just came out and complained that I’m laughing too loud all by myself =D!
Ok, on my photography blog I got “begging donkey” (this person must have known that I’m the best donkey impersonator), “late childhood ages” (what’s that supposed to be, teen years???) and “atilda jane” (yep, without the m and they still landed on my blog).
On my personal blog I got “backyard bathing suit pics” (I don’t think I have any of those…), “cute knees” (I don’t have those either, but my kids do) and “pile of laundry” (got those for sure).
Now WHY would anyone search for a begging donkey? Hilarious!
Hahahahahahahahaha!!
I have this one which I can’t figure out – help?
‘You are bout guh as shit’ – seriously, what???
Also, ‘How to get that ninja pants look’. I promise you, I do not know that.
Nope, I cannot help your reader with that one either.
You have some hilarious searches.
I had one a couple weeks ago “granny loves to make love her big dogs”. WTF? My mom has small dogs.
I think I died laughing! I shouldn’t have read this at work! I also would want to know about the kid vacuuming, although I think a bag-less vacuum might be best.
LOL – “my mom has small dogs…”
This is HILARIOUS Tracy. I’m still laughing over hula-hooping ants and pretty much everything else in this post. My favorite recent search for my site was “Daddies who use the kid potty” WTH??
OMG you made my Pepsi go down wrong. Now I’m all gaspy and laughing at the same time and at work and they already think I’m crazy and…the visual…LOL! Does he sit? Get on his knees? Stand? How’s his aim that far down? My stomach hurts now!
The funniest one was “Can you still eat refried beans after they’ve gone bad?” Um.. no.
And this one got me PANICKED – “Nasty comments Ree Drummond” – I did NOT say anything nasty about PW!!! Ever! WTF??
Oh wow – I hope PW doesn’t find you… ;()
up the wahzoo and weird dude where up there.
OMG that is classic.
This is hilarious!!
And sorry about your puking kids…that is not fun.
My favorite recent ones are:
alcohol and cold medicine am I gonna die? — if you’re looking to me to dissuade you, then yes, most likely you are going to die
tampon sneeze all wet — um, ew
can you eat creamed corn cold — you’re considering this? Was this before or after the threat of a hurricane?
videos of hidden cameras in the club possibility — hm, what’re you trying to do in the club that you don’t want on video, nasty?
women with neck hickies — It was chicken grease! I assure you all of my hickies are not visible to the general public.
You cover a wide array of topics my friend. So funny.
“boy fist” very very confused, verging on creepy
Yes, very creepy. lol
I’m embarrassed to admit I don’t even know how to look up HOW people find my blog on Google.
So perhaps my number one search result is this:
Middle-aged, technologically lame mothers who hate Budweiser and do not look like Steven Tyler but who may or may not have small boobs and wear thongs and definitely do want to see pictures of Michelle Bachman in a swimsuit.
…It could happen.
Since Michelle and I live very close to each other I am totally going after the swimsuit picture…
This had me chuckling . . . the “why do old women get feathers” answer made me spit out my coffee from laughing . . . though I question the “old” there.
Considering I have moobs instead of boobs, these seem especially appropriate for search terms for my blog:
underbra cleavage (thanks, Mad Woman!)
bin laden boobs
my coworker has awesome breasts
a little lid sucking on a hot girls boob (I don’t even know what this means)
Then of course, there’s:
alot of midget porn
let daddy lick you
how to hide your balls (Jame Gumb apparently reads my blog)
daddy midget porn
my balls email account
Oh wow – I’ve read your blog and now I must go back to the archives if you are writing about these amazing subjects. Do you have hair feathers? xo
Holy crap I am crying at my desk! Moobs. And a little lid sucking WTH? You sir, are apparently a blogger I need to read (to the Archives w/Tracy I go!). And, um, is there a miniature pony involved w/those porn creating midgets? Because, well…
I am DYING over the picture of you and Steven Tyler!
HILARIOUS!
Also? why do so many people get sent to your blog over thong searches?
Boobs I understand.. but thongs? This is good stuff.
I know – it was like we were separated at birth, yes?
“Can I vacuum up my kids?”
Hmmm.
I think the question was probably misquoted. For me? It’s not so much a question of *can* I vacuum up my kids…but *should* I?
Shhh, I won’t tell anyone the dark thoughts in your head…or similar ones in mine…
You are an expert on an array of topics! I couldn’t vacuum JDaniel up. He has dust allergies and would turn red and get a rash.
Oh that would be a problem. We must think of something similar.
This to funny… and the highlight of my day! Thank you.
Also, what do you use to find out what people are searching?
I use google analytics to search. In your details in there you can click on search terms. Do you have GA installed?
Last week I had
“Very tanorexic dark”
Sidenote: I’m so pale my friends called me casper in high school.
Tanorexic. Wow.
“Can cheerios also be hula hoops?” is COMPLETELY cracking me up and I don’t know why. I’m talking out loud, uncontrollable giggling. It’s gonna be one of those things that I think about randomly and suddenly bust out laughing in the grocery store or some other inappropriate venue.
I’m also dying at all the variations of small boobs, including “little boobs” and “super-little boobs.” As if little boobs weren’t little enough?
I keep meaning to do a post about this too. I always love reading them. I get a lot of Google searches on demented nursery rhymes.
Oh I must hear more about the demented nursery rhymes!
Those are hilarious! I’m totally heading to my analytics and finding out good ones that bring people over to mine!
Oh please come back to share!!
Tracy you bring the funny…I’ve never done a search of what brings people to my blog…maybe I should because it’s hilarious. Plus the more I learn about you the more I really really like you. I will be giggling about this post all weekend.
Oh how I love this…and your blog…and YOU if you must know *blush*
I’m not big enough to have my blog show up in any google searches. Not big enough to even know how to check. So I will just sit in the shadow of your fame, and make sure my husband doesn’t wear a thong while using cherrios as a hula hoop!
Oh please don’t share cheerio hula pics or thongs for that matter…but have fun!!! xoxo
Hilarious! People are crazy!
Bras for boys. I’ve gotten that one. WTF?
OMG these are too funny!!
Tracy? I *so* needed this giggle.
Thank you so very much.
I love these, it is a pretty random assortment of things that bring traffic isn’t it. The strangest one I get other than for brown recluse spiders is “Drunk Sombrero.” for awhile it was the #2 google image search. I nearly died laughing (from embarrassment? pride? not sure) when I saw it.
I’m pretty sure my husband thinks I’m a total loon, but these are freakin’ hilarious. Seriously, about peed my pants with some of these. There are some weirdo’s in the world. Who searches these things?!