Astrid had her one year doctor’s appointment today.
No matter that she is 22 months old plus a week or so. You know how that third kid never goes to the zoo or music class, they just go to Target and their siblings sporting events? Well, they also never go to the doctor because you are too busy and bored with the growth charts and the redundant questions.
Turns out she is HUGE for a one year old if they compare her current size with the one year growth chart – like 180% or something. Gifted truly.
Thankfully in the past year plus since she has seen a doctor, she has been pretty healthy. We’ve also reached the point in our $10,000 deductible private insurance -hood that we only go to the doctor if we are truly dying..because EVERYTHING is out of pocket. So we analyze every fever or cough very thoroughly and sit on it for a few days and hope it goes away and keep saying “it’s nothing” before we have to swallow the $250 “holy hell you just stepped one foot into the doctor’s office” bill. You know – because this is America that is how great the system is.
So because I have eight and a half years of pediatric experiences under my belt, I made her appointment as early as possible – 8:15 – 2nd appointment of the day. Because you know if your appointment is for 3pm – that really means 10pm the next day because it will FEEL LIKE YOU ARE WAITING 31 hours in that disease infested waiting room with your screaming and hungry child. The whole time yelling DON’T TOUCH THAT as to not contract measles or cooties or god forbid lice.
But let’s back-up – I called TWO MONTHS ago to make this appointment with our regular doctor only to find out she is booking out THREE MONTHS. Because again, our health care system is so amazingly awesome. So they got me in “early” with another doctor. Whatever – give me a warm body just so I know this child has been measured, weighed and immunized probably.
I arrive at 8:05 – EARLY! Hold Astrid in my arms the whole time while she wiggles and screams like crazy because she wants to play with the germ laden toys. WHY DO THEY HAVE TOYS at the doctor – especially next to the LARGE posters with the words “URGENT – THERE HAVE BEEN SEVERAL CASES OF MEASLES REPORTED IN OUR OFFICE – USE CAUTION”. Awesome.
So from 8:05 until 9:15 – I shit you not – for the second appointment of the day – I wait with little miss “let me at the toys so I can get measles” girl until we are finally let in to see the mystery – must really suck – as he is only booking out two months – doctor.
After the quick typical checks and nods of agreement that she is quite possibly the most perfect specimen ever made – he asks “do I have any questions or concerns” – and I say
YES – why does it take three months to get an appointment here? Do you think maybe you have too many patients? And why are you even letting patients in here if you have MEASLES? And why is it $250 for a 10 minute visit when I can weight my old child at home? and WHY are you running over an hour late first thing in the morning? WHY do you think it is okay to keep small children and their evidently medicated mothers waiting? This must be a safety concern for you.
And he replies – “I mean do you have any concerns about your child?”
And I am like – Well actually yes, but at this point I don’t even want to take your time asking them because I know there are five moms just like me queued out there right now and I need to hurry your ass along.