I will admit right now that most of my family thinks my kid food rules are pretty strict. I am going to go ahead and agree with them. At home, we don’t eat fast food(unless it’s March and Shamrock shakes are out at McDonalds or I sneak a Subway 6″ tuna when they are at school), they only drink milk or water, we don’t have desert after meals, I don’t buy or keep snacks in the house, and I try to cook homemade almost every night and I pack very boring lunches.
…but the keys words in the above sentence are “AT HOME.” We still go to restaurants, birthday parties, carnivals and grandma’s house and eat treats, drink juice and earn a sugar high worthy of an accomplished 6 year old on crack. There is a time and place for everything. We rock a good celebration and enjoy the occasional indulgences.
..and so it goes that if my kids are at your home for a party, a lunch, a night – stuff them with crap. As long as it is not illegal, you cannot smoke it and doesn’t turn them purple, I am pretty much okay with anything. My kids understand the difference between daily life and a treat. They are kids, not idiots. I have trained them well.
Turns out we also host parties are our home and serve…CAKE..and ice cream, and juice and maybe even a rare soda pop. I even have chocolate and other sinful confections to share. I know, my kids are so spoiled. And if your kids come to my house – they get to indulge too. Win/win. And hey, if your kid has allergies – I so get that and respect that and will cater to their needs. Always. But if you call me with “requests” that are not allergy related – I am going to think you are a loon.
For example:
1. Calling to ask if Esther’s cake will be frosted with white frosting or colored frosting and if the colored frosting will be made from natural food colors? Not that your daughter is allergic, per se, you just would rather she isn’t exposed to such things so could I make her cake natural while I kill the rest of the party with my pink frosting? My answer will be “are you kidding me?” (probably also said using the “f” word) and then “no.”
2. Calling to ask if I will be serving only organic milk or if I serve “regular” milk with excessive hormone levels and then lecturing me on the detriments of regular milk and how my girls will start their periods when they are 7 because of the milk I serve? My answer will be “are you kidding me? and then “no.”
3. Calling to ask if I am serving ice cream because you don’t let your child eat ice cream – not because of an allergy, but just as a general family rule, because you would like me to NOT serve ice cream so your child does not feel bad, I say “your child will likely cry at my party.”
4. Calling to ask if I am baking a gluten free cake for the birthday(I shit you not), and I ask if your child has a gluten allergy and you say no, but it can make her belly feel bad if she eats to much. So I say, my cake will not be gluten free because I like gluten and can you bring a gluten free cupcake for your child and you say no and I say “your child may vomit on the car ride home.”
5. Calling to ask if Esther prefers natural toys or if we play with plastic toys in our home, and I ask exactly what a natural toy is for a 6 year old – you mean like markers made from natural beet dye and homemade paper? Because we kind of really like crayola.
So you want to know how much wine I drank before that party? The stress I was under to not kill these children with red dye #54, crayola markers, Pillsbury flour and of course the $1.99 a gallon milk from the gas station. Did you parents also plant little cameras on your kids to see what we sang, danced, played, ate, and if I made the glue for the craft out of edible products or god forbid used elmers?
Seriously, it’s time we lighten the eff up a bit.
And let our kids enjoy themselves. Don’t you think? Or will you not allow your kids into my home either?
this is hillarious and ridiculous at the same time. can’t believe parents would call you with those ridiculous questions/requests. everyone does need to lighten up. sheesh. oh how times have changed. i kind of just want things to go back to how they were when i was a kid.
Totally, with soda pop in dixie cups and pixie sticks that we would gulp down in one shot.
Oh man, I hate judgmental parents. My son isn’t old enough for us to have to deal with other kids’ crazy parents, but I didn’t choose a daycare provider because she was so judgmental about what I fed my kid. On paper, she looked great. She only feeds the kids natural, organic, healthy snacks and lunches. But when we chatted, she chastised me for using “regular” milk and insisted that I fed my son goat’s milk. When I told her I would be just be using “regular milk”, she said under her breath “we’ll fix that!”.
Goats milk is like $14 a gallon – I only know this because Eloise’s first daycare provider told me the same thing! I told her I was totally okay with it if she was buying. lol
Hilarious…. my party my way all the time… I try to be sensitive to peoples needs, sometimes there wants but seriously folks… deal with it…
“My party my way” very true!
All the flagrant anxiety aside (and reading this post makes me want to shake the living crap out of those parents and yell ‘LIGHTEN UP!’) the only thing about this post that I keep going back to was that ALL those little girls in the photos are dressed in some shade of pink. Was it a plan?
Clearly I have NO clue about anything pink related, staring down a very BOY birthday next month, his 17th. Yeah. No pink for us.
Kate recently posted..cherry-fig tea bread
LOL – Yes, Esther requested on her invitation that red or hot pink attire would be admired but of course, not required. Are wardrobe requests not typical at a boy party?
Wow. I totally get these questions IF your kiddo has an allergy or IF it’s something that is a life/death situation. But even then YOU as the parent of the child in question need to be prepared to send an alternative, not EXPECT
Jen recently posted..big wide mouthed frog
Yes, exactly.
I’ll be honest I kind of stressed about my kid’s first birthday party because I was having that dessert table with SO MANY SWEETS…I ran it by a couple of the parents first and they all said that house rules and guest rules are different
Yuliya recently posted..Holy water
That is exactly it – house rules vs. guest rules. Kids are smart enough to get this.
HOLY &*@! THAT is funny! Seriously…
Oh.my.WORD! I seriously almost fell onto the floor laughing at the absurdity of some of those requests. You have the BEST way with words! Your food philosophy sounds a lot like mine…moderation & just common sense…and I find that helps enable my kids to make better food decisions for themselves.
So did the no-dye, gluten-free, organic milk only, no ice cream, natural toy girls get to attend the party…or were they “busy”?
Oh and what a GORGEOUS party! I love, as always, your fantastic attention to detail & the Queen of Hearts theme is perfectly wonderful!
Melanie H. recently posted..Still Waiting
The key – “moderation and common sense..” exactly!
..and thank you, love that Esther wanted a heart themed bday so I could buy all the Valentine’s items at 50% off!
Holy canoli. I aim for good stuff but that takes the cake!
MamaRobinJ recently posted..Fluid
My kids are totally in! They, too, get the difference between everyday and a treat. Such beautiful photos! It looks like a good time was had by all! I mean if you like gluten, food coloring and those kinds of things!
All kids had a great time and were not harmed in the process of eating pink frosting…xoxo
I am now certain that my children (if/when I have them) will never have friends because I will alienate their parents if they act like you’ve described. I would have wanted to punch them in the gluten-free gut.
Seriously, if you have crazy-ass rules about what your child can/cannot eat, then it is your responsibility to send replacements. You cannot make demands of other people IN THEIR OWN HOMES. WTF, people? Good for you for telling those folks to shove it.
Now if you have any leftover cake that you’re wanting to get rid of …
Jenny Greene recently posted..Let there be
Oh you made me laugh! I am totally inviting you over for dye laced cake next time!
Oh. My. Word. Am I ever laughing at this! Why? Because I know those people. Not literally, of course, but I used to run in some crunchy circles and can vouche for the believability of each and every one of those requests. Hilarious! (And sad, really.)
But that party? That party was BEAUTIFUL. Gorgeous photos of gorgeous girls in a gorgeous setting. Lovely.
See this is when I start questioning choosing a Montessori school..lolol
Well here is one time where living in Mississippi has benefits. You don’t get a lot of this down here. We are just about the strictest, most “whole eating” people we know, and I would never EVER think to tell my kids to not eat something at a party. It’s a PARTY! I think these parents need some quality time with Cookie Monster to learn about “sometimes foods.”
Isn’t he called the Veggie Monster now?
First time commenter, but I can’t help myself. This got me worked up.
I think people are using natural lifestyle choices as an excuse to be just plain rude. At some point, I think it’s not even that they’re judging the rest of us per se; I think they’re just using it as an excuse to pitch a grown-up, look-at-me, I’m-so-special tantrum. And seriously, if that’s how you behave as a parent, how do you expect your children to grow up to be productive and pleasant members of society?
I grew up on whole foods, but none of them were organic. When I was a teenager, my family switched to 99.9% organic when my mom was dealing with a serious illness. Now that I’m in my twenties, I’m realizing that, yes, as a society we need to be very careful about the chemicals we’re throwing into our food, into our bodies, and onto our land. But I also think there is equal harm in being emotionally unavailable or passive aggressive, using lifestyle choices to secretly bully or unfairly judge/brand others, or just plain not flexing a little.
Besides, I adore Crayola and Elmer’s. Also, pink frosting.
Hi Elizabeth, Thank you so much for your comment. I think this is so true and it’s sad that now food is a way too judge someone.
I am so glad you are also a lover of pink frosting. xo
Very nicely said!
So I don’t have kids, but my pool which is the summer hangout for for about 10 kids under 10 during the summer (parent must be present is the rule)…we had a cook out we supplied hotdogs and hamburgers, chips, juice boxes, and diet soda (and vodka for Brian)…neighbor (not a regular) inquired if we have anything else to drink or eat because they didn’t want their kids to eat/drink processed foods….I gave them “you have to be f$*D kidding me” look and responded, that their house was 3 doors down feel free to go and get anything they wanted…oh by the way from now on there is $5/per person fee for pool use…you know for up keep. geesh. get a life…I ate all that “crap” when I was a kid and don’t have any issues and in fact have an immune system of titanium.
Hope the birthday participates had fun and sugar highs for 2 days. Life’s too short.
The birthday was awesome and they left very high on processed sugar – AWESOME! If only I had put vodka in the punch..for me of course.
I just can’t imagine having the balls to call up another mom and ask those questions, especially after that mom has agreed to take my kid off my hands, not to mention feed and entertain them, for several hours. At this point, if someone wanted to take my 2 year old away I wouldn’t care if they fed him DOG FOOD, as long as he came back happy and alive.
Suzanne recently posted..23 Months
WORD!!! All of it – except maybe the dog food part. LOL
Really? REALLY!?!?!? Oh my goodness. This sh*t is getting pretty ridiculous. I didn’t know where you were going with this at first but now I’m laughing my butt off! And can I PLEASE be invited to the next party? That cake just looks SO amazing!!!
And by they way, you do better than me on the daily. We have snacks here. ;P
Elaine recently posted..On Writing
Snacks – OMG you heathen. My kids will never come play at your home!
Another reason why you rock Tracy!
Alexa recently posted..Gel Nail Polish
Cannot believe that really happened. Seriously. Can’t kids live a little any more?
jen recently posted..Parenting the Grown-Ups
I know, exactly..let them eat cake for goodness sakes!
oh my gosh! you should post this on every party store in the nations-funniest ever
I just had to comment… we served cake with black frosting, little bombs, for Henry’s birthday.
A few days later, Wyatt pooped out (yes, TMI, bare with me) dark green urine and BMs.
Then Henry told me he had the same thing, so I finally figured out it was the frosting.
I contemplated emailing the parents so they weren’t freaked but decided against it in the end
I might be getting calls like this come next year’s party though.
Anti-Supermom recently posted..mark your calendar
OMG that is frightening…lol
Oh my! Have you seriously gotten all these questions?!? Holy Christ!
As a side note, do you know they do not make shamrock shakes in the south? I feel so sad and left out this time of year, every year!
liz recently posted..A Scene from Saturday Morning
WHAT????? No Shamrock shakes? That is against the Constitution isn’t it?
This is one that hits close to home. I’ve got two gluten free kids, one by absolute necessity. There are other food allergies / sensitivities too, so our food life can get complicated.
I am a mom who needs to call about foods being served at others …. not to suggest substitutions or place judgment, but to better be able to send my child with a similar food they can eat (if what is being served isn’t something they can eat). It is my job to try and help my kids feel okay about their limitations and not make the world accommodate.
The party looked beautiful …. and the occasional food dye can’t hurt!
Hey hon, I am so glad you commented!
See this is so spot on – we know several kids with allergies and I have had many kids bring their own cakes or treats to eat at the party, sometimes their parents call ahead and sometimes not. Either way, I totally get that and want to make sure that child is safe, happy and has a treat that is appropriate – just like any child.
I have just never had the calls that I did this time completely screening my menu, but not one of their kids had an actual food allergy – that is what was so puzzling to me.
Sometimes people just don’t know when it is inappropriate to stand on their soap box! We all have enough mama guilt without someone else scrutinizing a fun celebration and oozing their judgment onto each little thing! Party on!
Seriously? I’ve never heard of such lunacy. And um, yeah, I had to erase the first comment that sprang from the keyboard.
Michelle L. recently posted..Darren
I really need your to swear on my blog. It would make me very,very happy. Seriously. xoxo
tracy recently posted..Turns out I am not the most OCD mom in the world…
OMG! That cake looks sooooooo damn good.
Amanda M. recently posted..Another Refurb – Eatin Table & Chairs
I have been growing more and more strict with the kids’ and my diet, but when they go to a party, all bets are off. Go crazy. In fact, Aidan DID used to puke at my mom’s b/c she would stuff him w/ so much dairy and sugar, but hey, she was the one cleaning it up, so, you know. The one thing I despise are the faux juice drinks like Hawaiian Punch and stuff, but the kids are well-versed in this and they generally just request a glass of water. Well, Aidan will because he is first-born, but little miss free-spirit Catie is a whole other story. Haha.
Those 2nd borns are damn adorable – but trouble.
tracy recently posted..Turns out I am not the most OCD mom in the world…
Isn’t is always something?! If it’s not the competition of who has/had the better birthday party it will be an attack on the food. Honestly, kids are kids. Let them be kids. Do these parents walk door to door on Halloween demanding healthy gluten, dye free items as well? Sheesh.
Connie recently posted..March Madness
it was total fun, and I am so glad I got to eat red dye!
maybaby recently posted..the winter of my discontent
My kids eat snacks and fast food and sugar in our very own home. But your kids cannot come here because my bff when I was a kid wasn’t allowed any of that stuff in her house so she came to my house and went NUTS. Ate everything in sight and the sugar literally had her bouncing off the walls.
Also, my kid has severe peanut allergy and I’m always eternally grateful when parents make accommodations for him. We have brought our own cupcake before and I have no problem doing so.
I cannot believe the questions you’ve gotten. That’s insane. It’s a freaking birthday party. What’s going to happen when those kids go to some nasty place like Chuck E Cheese’s for a party? Will the parents call ahead and ask them to wipe down all the stuff first?
Good grief! I have never gotten nutso requests like that! I’ve certainly dealt with food allergies at b-day parties, but never anything to that scale! CAH-RAZY!
Ann recently posted..Simple Womans Daybook- March 7- 2011