Dear Santa I failed
I have to admit
I can’t care for another
Even one that just sits
I have set him on fire
I have dropped him on his head
But he keeps coming back
It seems each year from the dead
My girls wait for his coming
How he moves through the air
And each morning I say
“Ah fuck” he’s still there
See all part of the game
Is finding him each day
In his brand new spot
To watch my girls play
But because I am lazy and
I suck at this game
I always forget to move him
Now my kids think he’s lame
So I move him when I can
When they all turn their backs
I am so magical that way
They think I am whacked
Or perhaps while
They were at school he did walk
And though Astrid did see me do it
I thank god she can’t talk
So dear Santa I say
I don’t care whose been good
The elf needs to stop haunting
My quiet neighborhood
I have too much to do
This game is quite dumb
My kids are too smart
My brain is old and numb
I know people are rich
From this stupid charade
You have nothing to do with it
The parents this elf has played
But please end the madness
Can we all kill our elves?
And take Christmas back
and rely on goodness ourselves
I am so relieved I am not the only one that forgets to move him! Love the poem!
What is bringing me joy this Christmas season? Being too busy to to be busy with our house project to be busy with the normal Christmas stuff that usually consumed my time to the point I hardly have time to spend with my family doing fun stuff! I’ve pretty much checked every thing off my holiday “to do” this year, very liberating, I’m actually enjoying this season for once! And besides a few questions as to when are we going to have wrapped gifts under the tree (tomorrow honey, I promise), nobody has missed that the extra stuff that went undone this year. As if! I think this year is setting a new precedence, next year I’ll be doing much less. Merry Christmas, T…to you and yours.
I guess I’m not missing out on this elf on the shelf craze? I have seen the little guys for sale in the stores, but honestly don’t know what he’s about. Guess I’m not missing anything, good to know….I’ll just keep walking by next time I see him at Barnes & Noble.
Jill – Next time you walk by him – flick his little face for me.
Jennifer – The fact that as parents we are suppose to move him, like we aren’t the bosses anymore. What will I get coal if I don’t. I AM Santa, damn it.
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This elf must only be an American phenomenon. Thankfully he must be stopped at the border.
Dana
I think the elf might need to hide in the garbage when Christmas ends this year. Tell the girls he went to find his real dad like Buddy in “elf”.
jennie w. recently posted..Don we now our gay apparel
Way too funny—we have also done a terrible job this year with remembering to hide “Eric”, our elf, every night. Figures this is the first year Caroline is really into finding him, too! We’ve come up with some creative excuses as to why he didn’t move that night—-rainstorm, he was keeping our Santa collection company sitting among them, etc. etc.
You have such sweet girls you haven’t needed to use it for discipline like I had to with Charlie! You don’t have to move it everyday, remember, the elf is the one that feels like moving….tell them you got a disabled one this year and it takes him a while to get around…
Only a couple more days, then he heads to the North Pole to report to Santa! Maybe he needs to go early because of the weather…
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I can relate to being the mommy who can’t quite live-up to all the Christmas expectations. It really is harder than it looks… harder than my parents made it look. That being said, the last few years have been different for my family. My sister lost her only son to cancer a week after Christmas. Now, when it’s time for Elfton to visit, I don’t think, “I have to move that damn elf!” Instead, I think, “I GET to move the elf!” because the kids absolutely ADORE Elfton, and I absolutely ADORE the kids. It’s only a small task for me but for them, it’s tremendously important. The youngest explained recently to a family friend, “Everyone shares Santa but Elfton belongs to only us.” For me, Elfton is the easiest part of the holiday… but grrr, don’t even get me started on that dreadful Sears Catalog!
You are fabulous. And definitely cemented my decision never to get one of those things.
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