Astrid started crying at 5pm today. She was done. After a 4:45am wake-up time, and a lame attempt at a 20 minute nap.
She was done.
But we were at ballet. So she screamed and screamed and screamed until ballet was over. Then she screamed and screamed and screamed all the way home.
Then she screamed and screamed and screamed while I just put her jammies on her, carried her upstairs, nursed and rocked her and put her quietly in her bed.
For a moment.
Then she started screaming again. And I let her scream on and off as I fed her sisters dinner, got them in the shower, jammies, books, bed.
And then I went to her at 7:30. She had been screaming for 2.5 hours.
And we rocked and rocked and rocked and when I would go to lay her down she would scream.
Normally, I would just let.her.scream.
But tonight I cried and thought about those mother’s who don’t have their babies to hold, I think about the babies that I lost, I thought about the pain of that loss for every one, for every one of them. us.
And so I just rocked and rocked and rocked her for 3 hours.
And I rubbed her back and head. I wiped away the tears of mine, that fell into hers and I kissed a few.
And I smiled and decided that I will rock her if she cries. Every day if needed.
Because she is here. And I am here.
And I have to remember how lucky I am.
xoxo,t
October is infant and pregnancy loss awareness month. So maybe I do think about it more often at this time of the year. I don’t think so though. We mothers think about it every day.
you’re right … we do think about it every day. somedays just a little and somedays quite a bit more.
but it’s always there.
thanks for the reminder.
jen recently posted..i heart faces smirk
I always figured they were crying for a reason. You “rock” mom!
Dana
I think about our little Lucas everyday….somedays its easier other days not so much. I do feel very blessed with our three beautiful boys that we do have. Thanks for the post. Love Ya!
So eloquently said. It is so easy to get wrapped up in what we “should” do and fatigue and all that comes with those things, and forget just what you have said.
Molly recently posted..How you know when you are officially old
It is hard. I think about my sweet baby angel girl every day. <3
Thank you for this sweet post. xoxo
Amanda M. recently posted..The Area We Didnt Know What To Do With
Thank you for sharing this wonderful story….how right you are. Of course tears were running down my face as I was reading and remembering my too precious losses. My favorite time of day is sitting with Ivy before putting her to bed, thanks for reminding me of that.
While the memories of the losses seem to dim a bit with each passing year, they never go away. Hug that sweet baby girl and give her a kiss from me.
kp recently posted..creative diary- last day
Lovely post, life is so precious…every moment is sweet, even the crying, though sometimes that is easy to lose sight of in the midst of it all. Thanks for the beautiful reminder & you are right, mothers remember all of our babies every day, whether they are here with us or in Heaven.
Melanie H. recently posted..Sweet Shot Tuesdays
We think about our children what ever the age…
Screaming, crying baby is hard but it’ll be over one day…
All the best…
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BLOGitse recently posted..WOIMA 82 your WOrds my IMAge
Thanks for reminding me to be thankful for what I have.I attempt to live my life by this mantra, but the occasional jolt is always welcomed. Enjoy that beautiful baby girl of yours! Thanks for sharing…stopping in from the tea party and glad that I did!!
Yep, I thought about it every day with my babies and still do with my older kids.
thanks for a beautiful post.
Michelle L. recently posted..Nanette
This is a beautiful post. When things are hard, it’s sometimes tough to remember that there is always someone who longs to switch places.
I don’t have children (yet), but I’ve nannied and been an aunt and I know how long and difficult days like that can be. And still, I’d gladly sign up for it.
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