She was done.
But we were at ballet. So she screamed and screamed and screamed until ballet was over. Then she screamed and screamed and screamed all the way home.
Then she screamed and screamed and screamed while I just put her jammies on her, carried her upstairs, nursed and rocked her and put her quietly in her bed.
For a moment.
Then she started screaming again. And I let her scream on and off as I fed her sisters dinner, got them in the shower, jammies, books, bed.
And then I went to her at 7:30. She had been screaming for 2.5 hours.
And we rocked and rocked and rocked and when I would go to lay her down she would scream.
Normally, I would just let.her.scream.
But tonight I cried and thought about those mother’s who don’t have their babies to hold, I think about the babies that I lost, I thought about the pain of that loss for every one, for every one of them. us.
And so I just rocked and rocked and rocked her for 3 hours.
And I rubbed her back and head. I wiped away the tears of mine, that fell into hers and I kissed a few.
And I smiled and decided that I will rock her if she cries. Every day if needed.
October is infant and pregnancy loss awareness month. So maybe I do think about it more often at this time of the year. I don’t think so though. We mothers think about it every day.