One…

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Dear Astrid,

You are one today. I am not with you. After being with you 24/7 for 365 days, who knew that the first day and night we would be apart would be on your actual birthday.

The fact that I am not there to kiss your sweet nose, tickle your toes or wish you a happy birthday breaks my heart. I hope the other 364 days made up for it.
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I am pained by missing you. My breasts are pained and full. You are probably pained not nursing for the first time ever. My mom is pained listening to your crying and wondering what in the world she signed up for. But a mother leaving her baby for the first time, somehow needs her own mother to help her. So be nice to Grammy today. She has earned it. And don’t keep her up all night. We want to be invited back.

It has been an interesting year, baby girl. You are not the happiest of children, but you are cute, so we keep you. But you were the answer to our 3 years of pain. You were our miracle and even as a loud and unhappy one, we love you completely.
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You have made me a believer. You have made me doubt my parenting skills, my savvy, my sanity. My 2 other seemingly quiet, perfect children did nothing to prepare me for you.

Who knew that babies didn’t just sit and play with toys happily for hours? Read for hours? Not fuss at restaurants? Sit in their high-chair quietly? Didn’t fuss about much? I thought all babies acted like proper little adults and yes, I judged those other parents whose babies didn’t.
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I now apologize to all of those parents as I really had no idea how crazy, uncontrollable, selfish, active and crazy babies could be. I apologize. I also apologize in advance to those parents of toddlers whose children had tantrums in Target – and I judged, as my children would never do that. Because I know that you will, baby girl. I am already exhausted thinking about it.

But I could not love you more for it if I tried.

You are this teeny, tiny ball of energy. At barely 16 pounds you are so small but both strong by will and body. You are going to be this teeny person running around at full speed, bossing us all around and we will just nod and agree to whatever you like.
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You have 4 people completely under your spell. You are the perfect last child in every way.

You complete us.

Happy Birthday, Baby Astrid. Mommy will give you extra kisses when I see you when you are one year and one day. I promise.

I love you. Forever.

xoxo, mom

About Tracy


My name is Tracy Morrison and I live in sunny Minnesota. I'm neither British nor a nun - I'm just a Midwesterner with a headache. This is mainly a humor and lifestyle blog that documents the lighter side of parenting. I am an ex-corporate ladder climber turned freelance writer, social media manager, and fashion expert - and ruler of my own little universe(very small). Aren't we all. I would love for you to contact me at tracy@sellabitmum.com

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Comments

  1. says

    Can’t believe it has been a year! Hope you actually got to have a full night’s sleep-you will be back to your sweet girl before you know it…Happy Birthday sweet baby! I know that someday you will actually let me hold you without crying.
    kp recently posted..deep breath

  2. says

    What a beautiful post. When each of our 11 children turned 1 year old, I gave them their own cake to demolish as they wished. It has been a fun tradition…maybe Astrid will be more forgiving if she got a birthday cake all to herself. sounds like she has the right personality to know what to do with a whole cake of her own! LOL

    Thanks, Becky Jane
    Raising kids can be a lot like weeding the rose bed…well worth it, but…OUCH!
    http://myelevenreasons.blogspot.com/

  3. says

    Happy Birthday to the ever lovely Astrid! This is a beautiful post & gorgeous photos, as always! It has been so fun to read all about Astrid’s first year & I look forward to reading many more!
    Hope that you are having a fabulous time away!
    Melanie H. recently posted..Sisters

  4. colored pencil grandma says

    Our sweet little Astrid is 1. I can’t believe how fast the time goes. Thank you Tracy and Jed for sharing her special birthday with us. So many special memories to cherish.
    Hope you are enjoying your Matilda Jane conference and the kiddos are doing fine without Mama, They are in good hands so all should be well.
    Love to all
    xxxxoooo

  5. says

    Tracy, this was such a beautiful post. I remember reading those posts you linked to in this one. The heartbreaking first post about loss and a little piece of my own heart breaking for you, as I know your pain. And then being so incredibly filled with joy when you announced your pregnancy with Astrid! Happy first birthday to an amazing miracle! A feisty little one at that. :)
    Amanda M. recently posted..Frugal Fun

  6. Jenn says

    Happy Birthday, Astrid! Congrats, Tracy. I also remember reading the posts you mentioned in this birthday post. It is much better to win. Enjoy the toddler insanity that will surely follow this exciting year. We’re in the midst of it with our surprise third.